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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude?

24 replies

Yogalover126 · 06/04/2018 22:27

First time poster. Sorry for the long post but it is relevant background.
I went out with dp tonight for food. We have known each other for around 18 months and dating for 4 months. When I'm in work or going out my mum looks after my dog. Had a really long week at work so my mum has had my dog for at least 40 hours this week (usually much less) and i felt very bad. My mum was happy for me to go out but did want an early night so agreed id come home by 10ish. Anyway we finished our food by 9.15ish and dp wanted to go on to a bar and back to his. I explained the above and that i wouldn't really be able to tonight. He seemed a bit sulky but starting driving home. The conversation starts moving on to when i move out later this year what will be the arrangement with the dog. I explained i would be working from home more but my mum would still be happy to have the dog if needed. He then commented that he was surprised as my mum didnt sound as though she wanted to do anything even though she doesnt work. I defended her but didn't want to argue. Its really annoyed me though that he thinks he can bitch about my mum to my face. Aibu? He does have some form for this as he made fun of my dad for being an alcoholic before.

OP posts:

lattewith3shotsplease · 06/04/2018 22:31

OP,
It's well rude how dare he bitch about your Parents.

TicketyBoo83 · 06/04/2018 22:34

He sounds great 🙄 none of his bloody business how your mum chooses to spend her time! Ditch him pronto.

WhiteCoyote · 06/04/2018 22:35

I’d just respond to him “Just as well I know you’re joking cause if you were being serious I’d tell you to fuck off right now”.

Seriously op, if he’s disrespectful about them now what’s he going to be like when you’re more familiar with each other.

Original poster

Yogalover126 · 06/04/2018 22:36

Its just annoyed me as one my mum will bend over backwards to help me. But even if she didnt its nothing to do with him

OP posts:

Sunflowerhappy · 06/04/2018 22:38

It was very rude and maybe a bit of an eye opener.
Your mum sounds very helpful and kind.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/04/2018 22:40

He doesn’t sound very nice.

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2018 22:42

I suspect he was pissed off at not being able to go for a drink so had a sly dig at your mum to piss you off in retaliation.

I hate people who do this. It's petty passive aggression at its worse.

Id be on the lookout for this type of behaviour and consider if you really want to be with him . You annoyed him so he decided to annoy you rather than articulate it. You'd always be waiting for it,and know it's coming.

pinkginanyone · 06/04/2018 22:43

Yes rude & he’s an ass! Honestly it doesn’t bode well for the future relations between you:him/your parents

SparklyMagpie · 06/04/2018 22:44

So if he has form, why on earth are you with him??

waterlego6064 · 06/04/2018 22:45

I once had a boyfriend like this. This was the sort of thing that happened early on in our relationship. He was critical about my mum and dad, and about their house. I brushed it aside but wish I’d taken note as he got much, much worse in terms of mental cruelty.

I’m not suggesting this guy is a potential abuser, but it’s not really on criticising your parents at such an early stage in your relationship!

Original poster

Yogalover126 · 06/04/2018 22:47

Sparklymagpie he made the dig about my dad months ago and passed it off as a joke. I told him i didnt appreciate him talking about my family that way but gave him a second chance as i thought he may have just out his foot in it so to speak. But with this today it just made me feel as though he is looking down on them x

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 22:53

'When people show you who they are, believe them first time!' Truer words were never said. He's a boyfriend you've been dating a few months, not a partner in any way. And he is showing you who he is, negging your folks in order to them in their place, which is second to his mightiness. When he doesn't get his way, like going on to a bar then for you to go back to his to give him the sex he wants, he throws his teddy out the pram by negging your folks.

Your folks have your back. Not this guy.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/04/2018 22:54

Why do you have a dog if you're not home much?

Jaxhog · 06/04/2018 22:55

What a rude, inconsiderate man! Why are you still with him?

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 22:58

She has someone to look after the dog, Gwen, and she'll soon be working from home. She most likely got the dog because she likes dogs.

expatinscotland · 06/04/2018 22:59

And that's not the point of the thread, she's asking if he dickhead boyfriend is rude.

Fruitcorner123 · 06/04/2018 23:00

Op I will go against the grain here and say he just wanted you to himself and your mum was the excuse you have. He shouldnt have said it but I would probably let him off.

Is he a man who gets pets? I say this as someone who doesn't really get animals and their owners. I would struggle to live with a dog owner as the lack of freedom would annoy me. I don't hate animals but would never own one. If he is then honestly it might be something you need to discuss moving forward, could he live with a dog? Could you live without? Not everyone can be a pet owner

iheartmichellemallon · 06/04/2018 23:01

He doesn't sound nice at all Op - id he thinking about getting rid TBH.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/04/2018 23:01

Any person who makes fun of the fact that their partner's parent suffers from alcoholism is deplorable. It's disgusting. This is beyond redemption and a total deal breaker. You deserve far better than this twat.

WannaBeWonderWoman · 06/04/2018 23:04

Off topic but do dogs really need to be babysat constantly?

Fruitcorner123 · 06/04/2018 23:05

I admit I skim read and missed the alcoholic post. That's obviously different and dreadful. I woukd walk away. You are clearly very different people.

NewYearNewMe18 · 06/04/2018 23:07

TBH, Friday night , unless you're in your dotage, I'd be pretty miffed if my date wanted to go home at 9.15. That's about the time the young people go out.

Again we don't really know the whole context. I cant see anything you've written that any more than him passing observation rather than 'being rude'. It depends on how you present the mother/dog situation to him. We don't know that.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/04/2018 23:12

Why does the dog need constant attention? Could it not have been left for a couple of hours when your Mum went home?

BackforGood · 06/04/2018 23:34

Op I will go against the grain here and say he just wanted you to himself and your mum was the excuse you have. He shouldnt have said it but I would probably let him off.

this ^

TBH, Friday night , unless you're in your dotage, I'd be pretty miffed if my date wanted to go home at 9.15. That's about the time the young people go out.

and this ^

Seriously? It's Friday night. You are a young couple, newly into a relationship, and you think it is normal / reasonable to be saying you need to go home at 9.15?
I'm not surprised he's grumpy.

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