Would this be creepy?

[Queenofthestress]

DS is SEN, we're having a rough time of it as he's finally hit terrible twos. He full on kicks and screams really high pitched, obviously we're trying to curb this and it's slowly but surely working. Its been a bit harder than normal as conventional methods don't really work. I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and we're having less and less paddys/meltdowns as school likes to call them (I just think they're typical 2 year old tantrums)

My AIBU is this - would it be creepy to order my 60+ year old neighbours a gift basket of biscuits to say thank you for being so understanding?
They do know he's special needs, and they've not complained once even though I know the sound of DS's screeching travels through the walls. I was thinking of writing a note saying thank you for being so understanding or would it be creepy?

That is so thoughtful and I am sure they will be very touched. My ex neighbour used to apologise for similar disruption with their third DS - I told her not to worry at all, but privately I did appreciate the recognition. I gave her a bouquet after our loft conversion was finished in recognition of the disruption that had caused to them - these are the little gestures that ease living in close proximity.

Such a lovely idea. So thoughtful x

I think you sound like a very kind and considerate neighbour op :)

I have to ask though: you say 'DS is SEN' and that 'he's special needs'. That's an unusual turn of phrase (at least on here, I think). People usually say that their DC have special needs, not that they are them. I think that a fair number of posters with DC with SEN would find that phrasing a bit uncomfortable, like their DC are being defined by their SEN.

I work in writing up medical trials and have come across the same thing; we are told to describe 'people with diabetes' rather than 'diabetics', people with asthma' rather than 'asthmatics'. I quite like that approach, which is why your phrasing jumped out at me.

I'm only mentioning it here in case you find some poster gets upset at such phrasing in future. Hopefully you can see I don't mean any offence!

Lovely - go for it!

I don't think yabu but your choice of phrasing leaves much to be desired.

Its not that uncommon for where I'm from, it's quite a normal turn of phrase in my town between the parents of those with special needs, but I'll adjust my phrasing in future, I didn't realise it would be offensive to others

I think you sound really thoughtful - as well as a brilliant mum - and your neighbours will appreciate it.

I sent our neighbours flowers when Dc2 arrived to say thank you for being so patient with all the noise at night. However understanding people are, it's still disruptive for them, and a bit of niceness goes a long way, both ways IMO.

I think it is a lovely idea, perhaps you could include a packet of Dreamies for their cat.

@FrogFairy it's a few hours later and I still feel awful at scaring the cat, I love that old girl, she sun bathes on my bins in the summer and I occasionally get a stroke from her

Poor old cat! She'll learn to cope, I'm sure

I don't think you should feel the need to apologise for your sons behaviour or noise. I think it's disrespectful to your child to reward someone for sticking your child's noise. Children are generally loud. Would you reward others in a cafe for not commenting on your child's noise.

Also it may actually cause them to feel like they can speak up in future if the Noise gets too bad because you've made them aware of how you know it affects them. Like opening a can of worms. I wouldn't bother with the biscuits.

I'm an old bat with no kids, mostly surrounded by families with children, some who clearly have no volume control!! Occasionally I think "Grrrrr", but mostly it doesn't bother me, noise and kids go hand in hand.

I'd be charmed by biscuits, chocolate (or wine), a packet of Dreamies would be a lovely touch. You could always offer to cat feed if they go away, which has the added possibility that they might offer babysitting!!

Small gestures encourage community spirit.

That would be a lovely idea.

But as a side note, please say stop saying that your child 'is' special needs, try 'has' special needs. It's part of your child's life , but not their defining feature.

That isn’t creepy, that’s lovely.

Glad there’s some light coming at the end of the tunnel for you and your DS - don’t forget celebratory tea and biscuits for you too!

Can someone explain to me what a paddy is?

monty a paddy in this context is a tanturm.

A paddy is also a term for an irish person, it comes from Padraig/patrick.

Its offensive because It comes from the slightly rude reference to Irish-ness, a historical reference to the Irish complaints about English oppression

Its pretty much only an english term.

That's really kind and not creepy.

queen please don't adjust your phasing, if you want to say your son is soecial needs then use it.

I get slightly annoyed at this with ...... stuff its partically common in the autism community, its funny the people with autism generally perfer autistic because we don't just carry or chose to take our condition with us its part of us to us its like saying we're blonde or any other discription, where as careers and professionals perfer person with..... because they like a person centred approch because it reminds them their dealling with a person, why they need reminding of this i'm not actally sure.

So if you want to say your child is special needs then you do that