How annoyed can I be?

[Fandangodazydoo]

I've been away with DS4 this week visiting family while DP was working. Arrived nack late last night.

One of his colleagues is seconded from North America so stayed at our house with DP over the Easter weekend rather than staying in a hotel. They work together every day and now, rather than coming home for the barbecue I've prepared they are sat in the pub together. DP has missed seeing DS4 for another day.

We live in Germany and are an hour ahead, so its nearly 8pm here and the sun's going in. I'm quite annoyed that DP doesn't seem to want to spend time with his family and would rather be with a colleague who he has seen all day every day for the past ten days.

Please can you good folk calm me down so he doesn't get too frosty a reception when he finally shows up?

I rather suspect your H is banking on the fact that you won't make a fuss in front of his workmate. Does he often like to treat you as the little woman indoors?

It's not really barbecue weather but it's been fairly warm and sunny for the first time so I thought we should take advantage. More fool me.

He's back now, with two of his colleagues. I know them both and they are nice guys who had no idea that anything was planned. I don't know where to put myself.

No he's not done this since DS was born. He was a bit unreliable when we were first together but it's been a long time

Bloody annoyed. I would be livid. We had a BBQ here (not Germany). Prob not BBQ weather but there was sun and warmth so sod it.

Assuming DS is in bed I would bugger off upstairs and watch what the hell I liked etc. I would not feed them. He is more than capable.

The skewer you loving made for your husband would be threatened with going right up his arse if he was my husband.
I would be going out tomorrow with DS for an early dinner somewhere nice and telling H and his friend that they can fend for themselves!

He knows he's done something wrong but we've not had the chance to talk about it. His friends are being so nice that I feel I'm overreacting. It's incredible how powerless I can feel when I'm at home alone with DS and DP is being thoughtless.

Not great if you are feeling powerless in this relationship, op.

I know, but I suppose that's the power dynamic that women are destined to be in. We will always always put the kids and the family first am so the men don't have to

And I suppose I'm just worrying a little too much too. I know so many people whose fathers lost interest and left when they were little, and I'm desperate that the same same thing won't happen to my son

Did you speak to him?
It seems like you're worried most about him not seeing his son whereas others are focusing on the fact he blew off your plans without a word. My husband does this sort of thing all the time and it really pees me off too, for both those reasons.

I think that certain types of self-centered people will treat you how you let them. If you allow your dh to behave as if your time is much less important than his, then that's what he will do - and it will probably gradually get worse.

I know it's easier to just let it go as a not very serious issue, but it's symptomatic of his attitude towards you. When his colleagues have gone let him know calmly but firmly that you regard his behaviour as inconsiderate and thoughtless.

Good luck.!

It doesn’t have to be the power dynamic though. You do have power, you just have to use it.

Could you imagine any situation, any behaviour that your DP would exhibit that would cause you to lose interest in your son?

No? So why do you think your behaviour might make him lose interest in his son?

is your relationship rocky as the focus is all on him seeing his son not you?