Sorry in advance this will probably be a fairly long and ranting post. I've had issues with the MIL and would like to get over them now we have a child but finding it so difficult.
My partner has been on his own for several years before we got together and his mum was used to having him at her beck and call. I met her for the first time when she decided to let herself in my partners house without permission whilst he was at work (yep that was awkward). She continued to let herself in the house and when we are alway do diy that she thinks needs doing (unfortunately not very well). We have asked her several times not to and each time promises not to do it again but does. If my other half gets firm and discusses taking the key away she'll cry and always goes onto the subject of a hospital appt (she's been in remission from breast cancer for 7/8years now and has had a couple of hip ops).
I feel I have made an effort with visiting her and trying to be friendly, she only lives a couple of minutes walk from us and won't visit when we're in. I've made cakes to take round and she has handed them back to me to take home without trying. After one op I made a quiche (I know she eats quiche) and bought her food so she didn't have to go out, but she refused it and told me she'd rather have left overs. I host a lot and cook for other people and my food always goes down well.
In January we had a daughter, we decided to keep her name to ourselves until she was born. On Christmas day MIL started shouting at me because of this and FIL had to step in to stop her. When baby was born we would agree a time for her to visit but she'd just turn up whenever she wanted and let herself in. After the first week we were told it's time we started going to her rather than her coming to us. We told her she is welcome to come to us when ever she likes just text to make sure we are in and she has been asked to knock at the front door. Now she makes a point all the time saying 'o well I won't see you until such and such day then' we say come to us before but she won't and on the rare occasions she does makes a huge deal about not being allowed to let herself in.
I've also found out from the neighbour recently that she was snooping far more often than we realised.
Last thing sorry. She has also had a go at me about how many clothes my daughter has and a baby doesn't need that many. A lot are gifts. And in the last 10 days has bought around 10 outfits round.
Had anyone got any advice? I don't want to ruin my partners relationship with his mum and he finds confrontation difficult (unfortunately would rather brush things under the carpet rather than have a difficult conversation early on). Every time I start to calm down I find something else out or get shouted at (conveniently when partner leaves the room usually). I'm finding I'm becoming unreasonable and not wanting her near my daughter and that's not really fair so trying not to be like that bit it's so hard.