To think on this occasion, his feelings aren't more valid than mine?

[LG93]

Please be kind/gentle, I'm not in a good place currently.

My grandfather is in his 90's, and reaching a stage where he can be quite rude (eg will try and start a conversation with me while I'm talking to someone else and when I don't hear because I'm mid conversation he'll shout 'excuse me I'm talking to you' and expect me to stop my conversation and focus on him. I'm conscious of the fact that he's getting older and so will usually bite my tongue and facilitate it, having been brought up not to answer back etc. I've mentioned it to my mum before (his daughter) and she says she's noticed it but he's old it's not worth getting into an argument about as he wouldn't take it well if we pulled him up on it, and I'm inclined to agree.

Well DH and I have been TTC for over 10 months now, and he's got into a habit of constantly asking when I'm going to have children, which room in our new house is going to be the nursery etc. Ive got fertility issues but obviously don't discuss these with him so I know he's not doing it with malice, but it's really starting to get to me and also DH now.

The latest question came in a new home card he sent us, pointing out there were4 pairs of boots in the picture and maybe it was an omen.

Would I be unreasonable to either mention it myself when I see him, or ask mum to mention to him that it's not polite to keep nagging asking when someone is going to have children. I'm only 25 so it's not like I would necessarily be in a huge rush anyway, but it's really starting to upset me and DH and I don't think I should have to feel like this just so as not to upset him, but at the same time conscious that it could be a bit of cognitive decline and maybe he can't help it?

Would I be best to just put up with it ?

Just tell him you are trying or say you are concentrating on work at the moment.

It's not difficult.

How is his hearing? Has he had it tested? One of the first symptoms of hearing loss is that you think people are ignoring or excluding you.

I'd tell him that you are having sex regularly and you've heard some positions are better than others. As someone who has been a father himself could he tell you what position worked best for him?

Bet he never asks you again

Just tell him that you don't appreciate being asked about something as personal as having children, but if you ever do fall pregnant he'll be the first to know. And subsequent mentions: I've asked you not to bring that up. And if he doesn't apologise or change the subject, walk away.

Your post didn't mention any actual dementia that you're aware of, for which I'd probably be more understanding. But being old isn't an excuse to be rude and invasive to somebody. However, you can't really blame him for asking until you outright tell him it's not appropriate. Give him chance to respect your feelings by telling him how it makes you feel. I feel the majority of people ought to know it's a terrible idea asking someone about their family plans but you do get insensitive people clearly who think nothing of it and say it anyway. Being elderly doesn't get you a free pass to keep being rude though!

Given his age he is obviously just eager to meet a grandchild at some point and his clumsy way of asking you about it is probably stemming from sadness that he may never meet his GDC. Try and have a little compassion for him. It is hard for you TTC and having people ask insensitive questions but in his case I think you need to understand that he’s not some nosey work colleague or shop assistant, he’s someone who has a vested interest in you having a child sooner rather than later

As for the interrupting and then 'not taking it well' if you point out you're already speaking to someone, treat that exactly how you would a toddler. Don't reward it with attention, stick to 'I'm speaking' with a hand up, and then when you're finished and ready to speak to him you ask him what he was saying. He'll soon get the message.

I'm not infantilising him because he's elderly btw, that's exactly how to approach it with someone of any age who is acting like a demanding toddler!

Well surely you're not seeing the old codger every day. Just say... well... say anything ffs, you're a grown adult.

My grandparent are the same i think it's because of their hearing. They don't seem to realise I am already having a conservation.
Regarding the comments I do feel for you I know what it's like ttc and it taking a long time. I use to get inappropriate comments by quite afew family members. I wasn't prepared to tell them I was ttc so I kind of had to put up with it. I just make the odd sarcastic comment back occasionally. Then moaned about them to the people who knew my issues.

How did you get on with him when you and he were younger, OP? Has he always been the type who demands attention and/or a bit of a bully? If you remember a loving granddad with excellent manners who has gradually become ruder and ruder, then there is a possibility of his behaviour being an indication of the beginnings of dementia (or something else). But whatever the explanation, saying something like 'You'll be the first to know when I do get pregnant but please stop asking me about it' is fair enough.

Are you close to him? Can’t you just tell him the truth and that it’s getting you down a bit. He might just be more supportive than you think.