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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop/reduce contact

5 replies

FrustrationNation · 06/04/2018 09:51

OK, so posting here for traffic...

Ex was emotionally abusive and controlling. Lives in spare room with his parents following his arrest (not charged, lack of evidence), him and kids sleep on blow up. Currently he has every other weekend and half holidays.

I have a support worker, outreach etc to assist particularly as eldest is bearing the brunt of his nastiness now. Emotional manipulation etc and is having counselling (aged 5).

Yet again this week I've had eldest smacking their own head, having meltdowns because "my brain is too full". This morning it's "daddy says he's going to win us and you'll go away forever". I never, ever say anything unpleasant about dad.

Would I be unreasonable to see how this weekend goes and if it happens again tell my ex to take me to court? Because I'm resident parent social services have little interest in investigating and say it's up to me to do what I think needs to be done to protect my kids.

Feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I've tried everything to facilitate a relationship, ex says he wants kids but won't move or take any weekdays. Just wants all free time.

Gah!

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 06/04/2018 11:29

Why must you wait for your ex to take you to court? Why cant you ask for a reduction in acess?

KatieHaslam22 · 06/04/2018 11:39

Similar situation to my friend at the moment and they are going to court to get sole parental responsibility for the girls so the mother has all the parental rights. The father is now only allow day time visits from the kids supervised by the paternal grandparents. Is this something that could be possible?

Handsfull13 · 06/04/2018 12:04

Do you have a contact order? It reads to me like you don't have anything official and it was just agreed between the pair of you.
If you don't then I would stop contact and get him to take you to court so he can see them. But be prepared he'll either fight you for them and it will get nasty or he will fuck off and you'll be doing it all on your own.

FrustrationNation · 06/04/2018 16:04

I haven't got a contact order because I'm on a part time wage, paying everything, he lies to cms to avoid paying and basically I can't afford it. I've got a feeling you're right handsfull, I may have to stop contact and force his hand. I'd get legal aid if he took me to court, I've already checked.

I think he'd get nasty, to be honest he's already pretty nasty mind so what do I have to lose? He likes the idea of being a dad and it fits his narrative of being such a great bloke. Thanks for the advice, I just feel between a rock and a hard place. Damned whatever I do.

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 06/04/2018 16:08

Be careful with legal aid, I have a dvr and social services on my side, yet still wouldn't get legal aid because he wasn't charged so I would double check that

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