Ex husband letting don know he's on tinder

[namechange123779]

Sorry it's a long one! Probably more of a what would you do but traffic so much better on here!

Long and very painful relationship with my ex, however since recent girlfriend has left him things have been much more amicable he hates her now so I'm in the clear, our DS is 15 fast approaching mocks bright but isn't really achieving his potential as normally does very well without much effort ( typically B's but school are pushing for more) I've spent loads of time studying with him lately to give his confidence a boost and hopefully let him see what he can achieve ( sorry this is all background)

ex split with partner in November we previously shared custody but now my DS is with me 5/6 nights a week which we all love as he misses his siblings/dog & cat when away, so all going ok till tonight when my son went to an activity and lost it all together, was really rude to his coach then broke down , he'd been with his dad fir 4 hours today & his DAD was telling him how many girls he was meeting on tinder and how many hot dates he'd got lined up!

My DS has two sisters& 5 female cousins he's mortified that any man could be lining women up and being generally such a dick! He's absolutely devastated ( a big wake up to how his dad can be) I have never shared with my son the reasons behind our breaking up & don't really want to but having sat on the fence all night should I just get up and say tomorrow he's a womanising nob leave him too it?

I'm going to let my ex know how my son feels right now he doesn't want to see his dad again ( which I will try to rectify)but his dad is ditching him for dates/ booty calls & at 15 he realises his dads just putting it about 🙈 son is really upset about it all, feels like he's lost his childhood as he thought so much more of his dad 😢 I'm very sad For him as I knew he'd work it out one day but always thought he'd be about 25

Ffs! SON not don!

With respect, at 15 he can prob handle this himself. I’d save my energy to support him and reinforce positive behaviour around gender equality

The scales have fallen for sure. Congratulations on raising your ds to respect women so much. There are however women out there that want such an arrangement and especially on tinder. Sexual gratification is a thing that both sexes can/do want. Dealing with your ds upset is another matter. If he is so upset by it then treat him kindly this weekend and tell him at his age any contact is realistically up to him. If he needs time away from his Dad it is OK.

resting I’m not sure there are many people women or not who are keen on being boasted about as sexual conquests especially to children nor who would be enthusiastic about having someone be open about them being part of some dating line up.

needs I must have misread the op sorry. I didn't initially see the bragging part. I apologise.

@RestingButchFace no need to apologise it was a long post! Appreciate all comments, perhaps I need to trust a bit more the lad I've raised and let him work his own feelings out with my support obviously xxx

I think tbh your ex has fallen from
Grace himself in the eyes of your lad.
Don’t bail the ex out...I’d do exactly what you have done..support your son fantastically and let them ( son and dad) sort out their relationship otherwise I think you run the risk of
Being a pawn in the middle, liable to be blamed by both sides if anything goes wrong.

OP I think DS sounds level-headed and I would let him sort it out with his father and give his reason in his own words. Good on you though for teaching him to respect women as that's something a lot of males don't grasp...at any age!

I think if you talk to ExDH then he will blame you, but if it comes from DS it would hit him with much more force, not that I would expect him to change his ways, he sounds like a waste of space.

Either way you will need to pick up the pieces as DS will need some moral support, just unlucky for you it's come sooner than you expected. I wouldn't sugar-coat anything though, DS seems to fully understand what's happening.

All the best to both of you.

Don’t bail the ex out

This! I doubt his resolution not to see his father again will last very long.

I also think you should try to leave your ds to sort it out with your ex. Your ds is 15, so at an age where he can speak his mind. Is your ds usually very respectful and do you perhaps need to give him “permission” to tell his dad how he feels? You obviously know your ex has a more sinister side to him as you say you were out of favour until recently. Personally I would only get involved if you need to protect your ds as it would be in his best interest to learn to deal with his father as he approaches adulthood.

I don't think that telling your 15 year old son that you're dating is an issue and it's probably good to do.

I don't think talking about having hot dates lined up is a problem in general. I assume these women want to meet him too and they're consenting adults. Why is there a problem with his actions but not theirs?

I do think he's over-shared with your son but I think your son misunderstands how women should be treated.

He needs to tell his dad himself that he is uncomfortable with this .As you have already done stay netraul .Can't really see the problem he know his dad has girlfriends do you think he was hoping you would get back together

There is a huge problem if your son thinks that his dad is ditching him for dates.

Also noone wants to think about their parents having sex.

Who made the choice that your ds would spend more nights at your's instead of his dad's?

Spending less time there due to dates/ nights out. Definitely wouldn't be expecting us to get back together at all. I think he's just really gutted about being ditched thanks for the advice, I will definitely let DS speak to his dad himself