Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not want to go to her house so late?

21 replies

IamAporcupine · 05/04/2018 22:13

A fairly simple and trivial question, but I have the flu and can't tell if I am being precious.

I am traveling abroad with my DS(6) to see family and friends.
We have my mum's birthday celebration with all the family on Sunday lunchtime (starting at ~2pm). My friend says she is very busy and the best day for her would be Sunday evening.

So the proposed plan is: we go for our long family lunch and whenever it finishes (unlikely before 6pm), DS and I take a train for 45min, a 30min walk, get to her house have dinner (around 9pm) sleep there and then go back at 10am the following morning (when she starts work)

I want to see her and the kids, but I really do not feel up to doing all that after an already busy day. DS will be quite tired and will probably not enjoy it either.

I am being a pain, aren't I?

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 05/04/2018 22:16

No, if you've had a big family thing earlier that day I think it's reasonable not to want to go to another meal at someone else's that evening. Is there no other day your friend could do? What about a Sunday when you come back from abroad?

OOMG · 05/04/2018 22:18

It sounds like a ridiculous idea to me. You’ll only get to see her for an hour or so. I don’t think you’re being a pain at all. Can she not book the next morning off work as a holiday so you can spend some proper time together?

Neolara · 05/04/2018 22:19

I wouldn't do that. You won't get to fully enjoy either your mum's party or seeing your friend.

OOMG · 05/04/2018 22:19

-* a assuming that your friend also lives abroad.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 05/04/2018 22:20

Thanks Butterymuffin
sorry I was obviously not clear - she lives abroad (same country but not exactly same town as my mum/family)

OP posts:

lattewith3shotsplease · 05/04/2018 22:22

OP,
Sounds very tiring for a 6 year old.

Butterymuffin · 05/04/2018 22:23

Ah right! I'd switched my brain off. I also think, like pp, that you won't enjoy either trying to cram things in. So I would say no but you'd love to see her if there's any other space for it.

Notcontent · 05/04/2018 22:24

That sounds incredibly exhausting for an adult, and obviously more so for a six year old. Don’t do it.

Flowers54 · 05/04/2018 22:26

Yeah that sounds like hard work. As much as you want to see her id be saying regrettably i'll need to cancel. You don't want the enjoyment of your mums celebrations being overshadowed by the dread of going there x

Leeds2 · 05/04/2018 22:27

I would avoid this plan!

But, if you are determined, could your friend not pick you up from the station and therefore avoid the 30 minute walk? Or get a taxi?

PastaOfMuppets · 05/04/2018 22:29

If you have actual flu, you shouldn't be seeing anyone.

PollyGasson24 · 05/04/2018 22:33

Which other days/times can you offer your friend? If her only options at short notice are sunday morning or take the monday off work, I can see how sun Eve would be the only available time, and she's nbu.
But the sun eve does sound a bit much.

CheeseyToast · 05/04/2018 22:36

Your friend probably doesn't mean to seem inconsiderate, she's just wrapped up in work etc.

Just explain that as much as you'd love to see her that Sunday evening isn't going to work as you're unwell and your son is too young

BackforGood · 05/04/2018 22:36

Without being ill, I'd go against the grain and say that, while you are in the country, it would be a real shame not to make the effort to see your friend. You say you are going to "see family and friends". the nature of living in a different country is that your visits home tend to be quite intense, as it is the only chance to see people, until the next year (year after ? 5 years time ?). 6 yr olds are generally pretty adaptable.

If you actually have flu though, I can't imagine travelling abroad at all.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 05/04/2018 22:37

Phew, I thought I was being difficult!

I really would like to see her, but I am always cramming things in during these trips and end up not enjoying any of them. I used to say yes to everyone, but I think that needs to change...

Leeds2 friend does not drive. Taxis are hit and miss there, so might not get one anyway.

OP posts:

DangerEgg · 05/04/2018 22:41

You won't enjoy your family event worrying about getting trains and being elsewhere later, especially with a 30min walk!

Schlimbesserung · 05/04/2018 22:41

My 6 year old would be asleep after a family party followed by a 45 minute train journey. I'd then have to either carry him or wake him (neither attractive options!) for a long walk.
It would be a shame not to see your friend, but I honestly can't see this plan ending well!

Skittlesandbeer · 05/04/2018 22:45

Can’t imagine anyone will thank you for spreading the flu to them this way- not fellow travellers, not your family, not the friends and not your kid, who will likely be in the throes of your illness by then.

Avoid martyrdom, avoid being Typhoid Mary. Take a rain check on all social activity and get thee to bed with a mug of tea.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 05/04/2018 22:47

BackforGood totally agree re. the intensity of these trips.
But I am traveling quite regularly these days, say every 2-3 months, so it is a bit different

OP posts:

manicinsomniac · 06/04/2018 02:59

Without the flu and the 6 year old, I'd do it. But in your circumstances, no. Not unless, a) you feel better and b) you can leave your son to sleep at your parents for the night.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 06/04/2018 10:39

manicinsomniac agree too. a) I feel much better (started last Friday!) only an awful cough remaining...b) can't leave him - mum is 86 and does not feel she can cope.

OP posts:

Flip