Drowning in life atm

[brindleberry]

Bit of a pity post sorry but the stresses of my life are getting a bit much to bear. Also, long post.

I'm fleeing an abusive man (the father of my baby) so in between homes (new place isn't habitable yet), my council offers nothing in the way of help towards set up costs so have only things I can get from donation sites and got a voucher from a charity to use for some second hand furniture from the charity.

My maternity is due to end in a few weeks and I've got no clue what to do. I've been advised to call ACASS (I think it's called) to see what's best to do in terms of benefits and being self employed. I've never been on benefits until I left bf.
Leaving my baby at nursery is something I want to avoid at all costs, I'm a cleaner so could take baby to some jobs but would be stressful but not as stressful as my anxiety for nursery.

I have been left with massive debts from bf such as utilities he refused to pay for 2 years, mobile phones he'd smash up and make me get new contracts for, council tax he wouldn't pay. I can just about get by if I'm very careful but as soon as something happens like car tax etc I'm absolutely screwed.

I have really, really bad anxiety about leaving my baby. I think because he'd threaten to take baby during an episode or say he'd get social services on to me (ridiculous because I am a very good mother!! I have no doubt they would applaud me never mind take baby from me!) is not sure if this is what has lead to the anxiety??

My days are filled with trying to keep on top of daily chores (I'm staying at a friends while they're away) and have applied for benefits which takes ages, my housing benefits have been refused because they sent a letter that I never got asking for more details. Going to council tomorrow to try to sort that.

You know when it's like bang, bang, bang one thing after the next and I feel I can't take it anymore 😩

You could ask advice from Women's Aid or Citizen Advice.

Done both which is how I know what benefits I need to apply for and how I got the charity voucher but it's more I'm struggling emotionally and no time to get to therapy etc so needed a bit of a hand hold 😞

Posting on here made me feel heaps better 😞

goodness it does sound like you're going through a lot. You sound amazing and incredibly strong. hand holding xx

Yes keep on swimming!

Keep going it will get better, you did an amazig thing for you and your baby.

You willl her there a stronger and healthier person

But on a practical level have you tried a food bank? Maybe a childminder might work better than nursery?

Hi Brindle. I don't see this as any kind of pity post. You've outlined your situation and simply asked for a handhold so I add mine to the others.

I want to say well done for fleeing the abusive father of your baby. I know your world must seem completely upside down right now and it's never easy living somewhere that isn't and doesn't feel like your home. But you've started. Some donation sites provide pretty decent stuff, as do some charities. But I get that none of it is yours.

ACAS will certainly advise you re benefits and being self employed. Nothing wrong with being on benefits if that's your genuine situation - that's why they exist. Claiming and then waiting through the process is always drawn out but you sound like a determined lady which, added to the courage you've already shown, tells me you will get back on your feet.

The threats your ex made about taking your baby are dreadful. No wonder you are fearful and worried about leaving the little one. Debt is a heavy millstone for anyone to bear so hope you get good advice about that, if the debts are his.

I'm not surprised that you're struggling emotionally, but am sorry you're in this position. There are some lovely people on MN with far more experience of these things than I, and who I'm sure can give you lots of tips and advice about other options you may not realise you have. Just wanted to let you know I hear you, and am holding your hand

Thank you, I feel better with a bit of support and hand holding.

The food bank is something I am looking to taking advantage of, you can claim 2 tokens for every 'incident' here so waiting it out til I get my house sorted as there's so much else I will need at the same time.

ACAS just seem impossible to get hold of, rings for ages then seems to be answered then cuts off 😭.

Donations sites are amazing, I've got a few bits now, mainly for my LO so feel good about that too.

Thank goodness I feel a bit more positive at the minute! Thanks people 😊

You don't say how much debt you're in and I am assuming it's in your name rather than the bf or joint. If it is over 6k you might want to get advice on an IVA scheme. You might be able to write some off. This is a government approved scheme and perhaps get advice from CAB and see if it's suitable for you.

Regarding work depending where you live there's often plenty of private work available so you might be able to take the baby with you. Try an agency locally.

I am glad you've left your abusive bf and it sounds as though you have supportive friends if you are living with them temporarily. As long as you have a roof

over your head you'll get furnishings as you can. Try looking on Facebook or request on there for cheap or free items.

Never heard of IVA scheme so will research that thank you.

Yes my ex would smash things up and replace them using my cards or demand I got him a new phone etc because it was my fault he got into such a rage ...