AIBU to ask what you do to “fill your own cup” first?

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

Just that really.

I’ve recently had a lightbulb moment that my job (both clients and colleagues) require a lot of emotional support from me. I was ending days feeling emotionally drained and turning down invitations on weekends, wanting to spend them by myself. I now see this was to have a rest from the emotional demands I get daily.

The second lightbulb moment was someone saying they take time each morning to meditate and “fill their own cup” first. I am struck by the idea that I could do this FIRST rather than constantly be in “recovery” mode.

Does anyone else do this? If so, what are some activities you do to “fill your own cup” first?

Run!

I’m a recent convert. It has totally changed my mental health as well as my physical health. If I’ve snuck out early for a run I can handle all the family stuff with a smile, or if I know I have a run booked in after work I can manage wanky colleagues with ease

I keep my home organised and ruthlessly declutter.

I stopped having the car radio on. Having that 15 quiet minutes to and from work means I don't feel like my head is buzzing so much.

DH brings me a cup of coffee and scoops the DC out of our bed to start breakfast. It gives me a crucial 10 mins to get dressed etc without fielding 3 sets of questions.

He leaves for the office and I get dogs and little DCs ready for the school run. Sort out teen DS if needed but he’s very organised.

Deposit everyone where they need to be then take an hour to walk the dogs home.

Get home to my desk or quick change and into the office depending on the day.

That 10 mins in the morning and the hour dog walk are lifesavers.
I really feel it if I’ve had to miss either.

I don't do enough of this, but I am working on getting more early nights with a book. Listening to music I find energising and uplifting also helps in the morning.

This is a really timely thread for me as I’m snowed under mentally trying to be all things to all people.

Making time for playing piano is my first aim. Days and weeks pass between goes since I had nausea in the latest pregnancy as I couldn’t look at books. Baby is now 5m! I feel guilty for taking up family time with it but I need to do it when someone can hold the baby, and the TV is off (with any luck once we move - one of the major things stressing me out ATM - I can put it in a separate room and disappear and play more often)

I swim a couple of mornings a week, it is great as it means I don't wash and dry my hair before I leave the house!
A while back I had audio CDs (Terry Prachett) on in the car. Way cheerier than the news. Might have to find another one!

I'm so pleased I stumbled upon this thread. Thank you OP. There's so many people here all saying the same thing... We're all battling with juggling mental health or ill health, then childcare, homes, jobs, DPs/Hs, no matter how much we love the lot of them. Shit, it's hard. I'm so pleased to hear that actually it's OK to take time for yourself. I've always felt so bloody guilty even thinking about it. But now I feel like I can... I might start drawing again, or take more time and enjoy the dog walking instead of rushing back home. Thanks everyone .

I set my alarm early and watch between 30-60 minutes of catch up tv whilst knitting
On way home from work I go for a swim/hot tub/sauna/steam room session 2-3 times a week
Sometimes I work out of office in a quiet coffee shop just to not be disturbed my phone or colleagues

@SkaPunkPrincess not usually. I'm up for a wee around 3am most nights so don't need one at 6am when the alarm goes.

I've always felt so bloody guilty even thinking about it.

Don't.

I remember the safety advice in planes- in the event of a sudden depressurisation - if you have an infant on your lap and two oxygen masks come down then the adult should put theirs on first.

Because if the adult loses consciousness first then they are both in trouble.

To nurture others we first need to nurture ourselves. Then we can actually be more help to others.

My mother brought me up to be self sacrificing and put myself last. That doing otherwise was selfish.

My OH thinks the opposite. He can see the work I do when I take time to self nurture.
He is always the first to encourage me to get out to the gym or go to a yoga class. He knows it is good for me, but also knows I am in better place to nourish our family if I feel good.

Self care is win win.

In fact this thread has just motivated me to get up a little early to get myself to body pump this morning. I have a really busy day- work, have to shop and cook, DD needs me to take her somewhere today, DS needs some support atm because he is struggling. I had decided not to gym- but I have changed my mind!
So I am about to spring into the shower and get my gym gear on.

THanks.

I get up early and read or study. Just an hour doing my own thing helps. I really can't cope without it

I make pretty cupcakes and listen to music super loud on headphones while playing spider solitaire. Just helps me zone out and relax. It's lovely and I look forward to those moments.

Making pretty cupcakes does not include the children helping! That goes from relaxing to omfg why are you fondling everything really quick.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for sharing what self-care tips you have.

Redexpat I really like the idea of big event type things to look forward to. I’m going to look some up this weekend and try and book in a few, 2-3 months apart. And definitely the bedtime thing. I’m a night owl and I waste time at night that would be far better spent getting a good night sleep.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar I have the same Fitbit move thing, and it’s one of the things disrupting my sanity! Every hour it’s another deman bugging me.....I think i’m Going to turn it off instead!

IAmMatty and MrsPickletonSmythe I know what you mean about makeup. I used to put it on and feel that way. I had forgotten about it! I will definitely add this again.

HotSauceCommittee and ferriswheel I know what you mean about tidying/decluttering and keeping a space clean. A messy, busy house makes me feel like I am surrounded by jobs needing to be done. I think this might be a good way to create a restful home.

Love51 I love the idea of audiobooks to listen to on the drive to work. I think it would stop the swirling thoughts and help me leave work at work.

And running/exercise is a recurrent theme - damnit! I will try and find some exercise that is vaguely appealing and start with that....

speakout I think I was brought up this way too. I can’t believe it took me this long to have the two epiphanies above - one that it was my job/colleagues that were emotionally draining me and it’s why I was hiding away (I was blaming myself for being antisocial). And two, that I didn’t have to be reactive about it - I could do something first to stop it happening! I feel like an idiot I got this far in life without working it out.....but now I have, if I have to met everyone else’s emotional needs all day, I’m damn well going to prioritise some self care at the start and end of every day!

Today I looked into ballroom dance lessons :o the next course is too soon (need to get baby used to bottles) but hoping to do the next one after summer.

I really need the headspace, I am autistic and struggle without down time