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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to stay at home?

21 replies

Louche14 · 05/04/2018 18:49

DP thinks I'm being a bit pathetic about this, and in practical terms I can see his point but I don't see that it makes a huge difference either way.

I work in the same town that we live in but have been asked to cover annual leave in another branch in a town an hour and a half away on public transport.

I have family who have offered to put me up for a few nights in another town that would cut my journey time by about half. They would look after DS for me whilst I was at work. They are now calling me on a daily basis asking when I am coming/ putting pressure on me to stay.

I don't know which days I am required in the other branch yet so haven't confirmed anything but I would rather have the longer journey and be at home with DP every night. DP thinks this is silly and that I should spend a few days with family and be able to take DS out up there where there is something different to do.

I get my travel reimbursed either way so it wont cost any more for me to travel from home (it will actually cost less because I'll have to pay to travel to and from family in the first instance and would only be reimbursed from their town to work). DS is enrolled in a holiday club next week which I have paid for - he is an only child and this is a good chance for him to get some time with friends over the holidays as well as doing activities i wouldnt otherwise have the time and money to do alone with him. I wont be refunded if he doesnt go.

It is a very kind offer, and I had intended visiting since I would be travelling in that direction anyway but I just like to come home to DP every night and relax with him. We both work and it may sound needy but I miss him when we're both busy and don't see much of each other. We've spent one night apart since we moved in together and I hated it, I don't want to do it again unless its necessary.

Family are being pushy about me staying and trying to shoehorn me into it - DP isnt putting pressure on me but agrees with them that it makes sense.

Id also welcome 3 hours a day on the train to read/daydream for a bit - I usually drive everywhere!

OP posts:

youngnomore · 05/04/2018 18:54

It’s a few nights fgs. Your dp will be there when you get back.

Skippetydoodah · 05/04/2018 18:57

I'd be with you OP. I hate staying away from home as for some reason it makes me really anxious and will do lots of travelling to avoid it. I have no problem with OH doing it, he travels a lot for work, but I think in 7 years of being together I've only stayed away a couple of nights, I just don't like it at all.

FleurDelacoeur · 05/04/2018 18:58

it may sound needy but I miss him when we're both busy and don't see much of each other. We've spent one night apart since we moved in together and I hated it, I don't want to do it again unless its necessary.

It sounds totally needy! Your poor DP is probably thinking "yeehah, can watch back to back wheeler dealers or extreme fishing without anyone telling me not to for a few days". Not being able to bear to spend a night away from your DP really is a bit much.

firstworldproblems2018 · 05/04/2018 19:00

YABU in my opinion- if my DH couldn’t bear to be away from me for even a night I think I’d leave. However it seems a shame for your son not to go to holiday club- anyway he could stay with DH and he could pick him up etc? How many nights are we talking?

Original poster

Louche14 · 05/04/2018 19:05

yeehah, can watch back to back wheeler dealers or extreme fishing without anyone telling me not to for a few days

Yes, because I make a habit of trying to control what my DP watches on TV. He is not 12 ffs

OP posts:

letsdolunch321 · 05/04/2018 19:07

Do what suits you, life is too short to have these dilemma’s

CookieDoughKid · 05/04/2018 19:13

Just do what you want. Don't be pressured with anything. Half the time its pressure you put on yourself. You have far more control than you think!

RavenLG · 05/04/2018 19:18

I’d be with you OP. I hate staying at other people’s houses, even family. I’d decline the offer. It’s only cutting the journey in half too, it meant you were waking up on the doorstep maybe then take it, but to still have to travel and be out of pocket .. yeah I’d decline their offer too. My family would understand that explanation though.

Original poster

Louche14 · 05/04/2018 19:21

I know I don't have to go, DP doesn't care either way that much he just keeps saying it makes more sense for me to travel less. He will also probably have to pick up/ possibly drop my DS at holiday club but he hasn't voiced any objection to that.

It's only for two or three nights at the most so not a long time but the more pressure my family are putting on me to go the more I want to dig my heels in and say no. I would still make a point of visiting after work for an evening but now feel that they'll pester me to stay on when I try to leave to go home and I don't want to hurt their feelings either.

OP posts:

SweetLike · 05/04/2018 19:39

It does make sense. I love being at home (and I have dogs who I love to spend time with) so I'd be more inclined to stay home. It has nothing to do with DH though, I'm just a Home bird.

RedSkyAtNight · 05/04/2018 19:44

I don't like sleeping away from home; I hate being a guest in someone else's house and I'm generally tired after work and not necessarily wanting to socialise. So for all these reasons I'm with you, OP.

However, on the basis that it sounds like the family members are keen for you to visit, maybe you could compromise on doing this one or two days (depending on how many days in total)?

NotCornflakes · 05/04/2018 19:49

YANBU, I would be exactly the same. There's nothing like being in your own home!

Leeds2 · 05/04/2018 19:54

Couldn't you do one night with family? They obviously want to see you/DS.

irregularegular · 05/04/2018 20:02

I think it is entirely up to you and no-one should be putting any pressure on you either way. Personally I would rather have the longer journey and not have the much bigger hassle of staying with someone else, but then I quite like train journeys and don't much like packing my bag and staying with people. It's not like they live 5 minutes away (in which case it probably would make sense). Maybe just stay over one night to be friendly?

In my case it's not that I would miss my DH particularly. I quite like it when he goes away for a night, but I couldn't be bothered with staying away for that distance. My journey to work takes more than an hour and I have the option of a very cheap, perfectly comfortable room for the night literally 1 minute's walk from my office. I occasionally use it when I have a late night (dinner etc) but rarely.

Kissthealderman · 05/04/2018 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 05/04/2018 20:07

I would miss my own bed tbh. I never sleep well when I’m away.

RandomMess · 05/04/2018 20:15

I'd rather be at home I sleep better on my own bed, DC sleep better in their own beds and all that train time on my own...

Original poster

Louche14 · 05/04/2018 20:27

I realise one night away from DH isn't the end of the world, however if I stay with them the night before, I then need to travel back out to them to pick DS up before I'm able to head home.

Actually now that I think about it, staying with them makes less sense logistically all round other than shorter travel time, missing DP aside, I'm still better off at home!

OP posts:

teaandtoast · 05/04/2018 20:37

YANBU. It's far nicer to be back at home and it'll be fun for ds at the holiday club.

Original poster

Louche14 · 05/04/2018 20:39

I'm going to visit myself one night after work and maybe treat them to something nice for tea. I'll take DS for a visit another time when I have a day off, thanks everyone!

OP posts:

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/04/2018 06:20

It's good to have time apart, absence makes the heart grow fonder. DH and I have separate holidays every year with our respective friends and spend a few nights apart for work, weekends away etc.

I think it helps you reconnect when you have a bit of your own thing going on and don't live in each other's pockets.

We met some friends of MIL's the other day who have been married for 30 years and never spent a night apart. That just seems weird to me.

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