To ask how to have a positive relationship with food?

[SeriousAboutPillows]

Bit of a backstory...

I became a bulimic at the age of 9/10. I think it was caused by people laughing at the muscle on my legs, but I don't know. It was too long ago. I just wanted to have a 'child like' frame whilst still in Primary School.

I stopped being obsessed with weight and food at about 16. I loved how I looked, I felt gorgeous, toned and in proportion, I knew I wasn't thin but older boys and men loved how I looked. Women praised how I looked. I looked in the mirror and immediately agreed.

But it appears I was/am overweight. At 5'3, I was a huge 10st 4. It was made clear to me by family (not my own), that I'm obviously not healthy and that my BMI is overweight.

I feel so sad. I developed a really good relationship with food (or so I thought). I admittedly ate probably too much/indulged too much but I was happy and loved my figure. I thought I looked great. But I know now I'm not and I've given myself an illusion. So for the last 4 weeks, I've been dieting. Not a fad diet, just sticking to a specific amount of calories per day and making very good choices food wise.

I feel miserable. I've started making myself sick again.

It's all just tits up. I know this is all my fault, there must be something wrong. I can't even achieve 'healthy'.

I hear people on here say things like 'A Size 6/8 isn't too skinny and actually we are all deluded and now think bigger is healthy when it actually isn't' and things along the lines of 'seeing a bit of rib is healthy'

You can see a bit of my ribs now. I'm down a good few stone. I look awful and drained. You couldn't see the outline of them without me seriously restricting calories. My hair is dull, my skin is dry. My nails are poor quality.

It's all just so confusing. Someone steer me in the right direction.

I'm desperately trying to sort myself out because I'm desperate for my issues not to impact my DS, who's just a small baby. But somehow I think things will be easier for him as I personally feel his body will be less scrutinised as a male. Probably not true, of course

Who told you that you were ‘obviously’ the wrong weight?

It’s not your relationship with food that is the problem.

TheStoic My SILs

Skinny doesn’t mean healthy.

Never have conversations with them about your weight ever again. If they start, walk away.

They are your trigger. Why are you allowing them to have so much power over you?

It's brought up every time I go round there, usually.

It's not even directed at me and me alone.

They always say things like "How's your weight loss going Poppy?" followed by responses like "So bad Matilda! I ate a bag of popcorn and full fat coke for a treat on date night this week"

And then other stuff about weight, etc etc. They often get the scales out when I'm visiting with DS.

I know they think I'm really overweight, too.

It's a shame as I didn't feel it at 10 and a bit stone. I felt really happy and healthy, enjoying food and life in general

Now it feels all consuming

According to a BMU calculator, those stats are just a shade, a SHADE into the overweight category, but BMI is just one measure and regarded by many people as an imperfect one.

If you were happy and loved your figure then what changed? What exactly was said to make you feel otherwise? I think it sounds a bit like you were still wanting validation from others (you refer to other people talking about your lovely figure) and, ultimately that is dangerous because everyone will have a different agenda or a different definition of what constitutes fat/thin/healthy/unhealthy.

If you truly loved your old figure then stick two fingers up at everyone else and try and get back to it.

They sound annoying and dangerously obsessed. I would steer clear, especially given your history.

Ignore them, you sound absolutely fine, seems like they have an unhealthy relationship to food tbh

Well, you know that they are toxic. Who brings out scales when people visit?

It’s now up to you how you handle them.

At 10 stone 4 you were only just just creeping into an unhealthy bmi. Losing 2.5lbs would have brought you back into a healthy weight. So first of all, you are not "massive"

It sounds to me as if it's your ILs that have the unhealthy relationship with food and issues around weight. It sounded to me that you had your head screwed on right and that they have knocked your confidence. I would simply get up and leave every time they start because they are the ones who are derailing you

It's not every time I visit that they get them out, just usually on 'weigh in day' which I'm usually not around for as I'm busy that day

One of my SILs who encouraged me to get thinner etc often offers me bits of pizza when I'm over and often says "you've got to have some now I have"

Lol at the idea of family weigh in day! Do they all go for a ceremonial toilet visit together beforehand?

OP, as someone else said do not let this sort of idiocy derail you or knock your behaviour. It sounds as if your relationship with food was on an even keel previous to this.

Weigh in day? Really. That is not normal or healthy!

Really, you are not the one with food / weight issues in this scenario, really you're not!