To tell dd (11) not to reply to these messages?

[Sarkyharky]

"Send me a smiley face if you don't hate me"

"only people who don't hate me will send a pineapple (emoji I presume!). Are you one?"

And she says there's been others. It's another girl in her year (7). Backstory is that this girl was in dds class at primary school, she wasn't one of dds friends. Her mum wanted her to be friends with dd so asked the teacher to put them together. Teacher told dd she had to be friends with this girl as girl kept falling out with another group. Dd gets on with most people but resented this child who was controlling - ie if dd went to play with another, she would threaten to tell the teacher.

They are not in the same teaching group but are in the same tutor group - her mum told me she asked for her dd to specifically be with my dd.

Dd really doesn't like her but doesn't want her to go crying to her mum if she doesn't reply to these annoying messages.

Are these text messages?

I assume snapchat or similar

Tell her to ignore them - it's self service claptrap!

Yes.

Block her number?

They sound like modem day chain letter type things and definitely need to be ignored! But personally, if I was you, I'd be having a word with the teacher about your concerns about the controlling behaviour.

Teach her now that she doesn’t have to respond to anyone if she doesn’t want to.

Except her parents, of course...

Does your DD want to move forms? If so, maybe you can speak to the school. If she has friends in that form group and likes her form, it's more difficult. Hate situations like this! I feel for your dd.

I have a great rule that I think is vital for young people to understand.

That is if someone is a close friend then we will talk about emotional stuff in RL. If they are an acquaintance then we won't - and I won't respond to any 'attention seeking' or 'oversharing' posts on SM.

She can cry to her mum all she likes!

If mum messages you or asks you just say 'sorry I'm not tell DD what to say or do in SM she's old enough to chose'

For those who don't understand

Child post a picture with a caption so people respond - if people don't the child gets upset - especially is 'X' gets 10 likes and she doesn't

They get worse!!
For example 4 girls go head to head for who's prettiest .....

Or these are sites where you post a photo and people 'rate' your looks

All horrible bullying sites

Tell your DD to not get involved in this type of post - it only ends in tears

And do tell the teacher your DD isn't happy with this child

YANBU
.
Surprised that a teacher is trying to engineer year 7 friendships at the behest of one parent .

Maybe talk to the school and tell them to stop forcing your daughter into relationships that she doesn't want? It sends a very bad message imo.

If they aren't friends, why does the other girl have her number?

They are not in the same teaching group but are in the same tutor group - her mum told me she asked for her dd to specifically be with my dd

Definitely talk to the school, make a paper trail, don't leave it as a verbal agreement. Teachers should not be forcing friendships on a parent's request, especially not at secondary school. Ask that there's no contact between them at school.

Tell your daughter to ignore them. Talk to the school about it, make it clear you are not ok with them trying to force a friendship on your child.
If the mother says anything to you tell her you told your daughter not to reply as you are teaching her about emotional blackmail and how to avoid it.

Tell her to send this in reply to everything. Or just block her.

"her mum told me she asked for her dd to specifically be with my dd"

Perhaps you should ask for your dd to specifically not be with her dd?

A friend of mine had a child starting school last year, she phoned the school to see if he could be in the same class as his friend from playschool who was also starting. School said fine provided the friend's mum or dad also contacted them to make the same request so they could be sure both sides were happy with this. I thought that made very good sense.

This is exactly why my youngest DDs will not have smart phones.

You honestly can not moderate these apps properly. I’m not even going to go there with the adults that pose as children on these apps, but even the children themselves are not mentally equipt to deal with the amount of unsupervised freedom these apps offer.

Watch out for 'forced friendships'. My DD got caught in this when she was in year 7. Child and mother seemed 'nice' for a few months, but then they showed their true colours.
The 'friend' started to make fun of my DD because she had slight dislexia and couldn't write very well.
I rang the mum to ask her why her daughter was being mean and she went ballistic saying that I was accusing her daughter of being a bully!
Then she blocked me.
Since then, her child has been horrid to everyone in her tutor, had started nasty rumors about people and broken up over 20 friendships.
Even now in year 11, she is still being nasty. Can't wait until DD can leave for college!

Thanks all! Glad noone thinks she's being mean. So far dd has been OK with her phone, she's got older sisters who have scared her with all kinds of terrifying stories about people who get involved with all the social media shenanigans!!

I will leave dd to cope with it but I've told her if she gets any more to let me know.
Love that swampy!!