To think that these are not things you should say to someone after a breakup

[Jellyeggz]

I am very newly single after a 3 year relationship and I can’t help but be stunned by the questions people ask, and I’m not even talking about friends, but colleagues and acquaintances.
“Oh my God, I thought you guys were so happy”….”I thought you were going to get married”…”Who did it?”….”Why did he do it?”….”Do you think you’ll get back together?”

I’m in a fragile state at the moment so maybe I’m just being precious but I would never ask or say those things to someone I don’t know all that well – I struggle to imagine saying some of those things to friends – they strike me as deeply personal. I’m getting more and more wound up with every question people feel entitled to ask!

I'm really sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I'm afraid a lot of people have absolutely no empathy and no awareness of other people's boundaries. It's incredibly difficult and painful when you're feeling so raw. It's definitely not you, it's them. You are under no obligation to answer any of their questions. Do you feel like you could say something along the lines of 'that's too personal' or 'I can't talk about that actually'?

If they're not your friends but just colleagues you don't know that well, why do they even know you've just gone through ab reak up?

Thank you @lottapianos

Because I was off for a week to move out of our shared home and because I was struggling to cope @almost - they knew I lived with him and asked why I was off. I'm entitled to be honest, I just don't expect to be probed.

People are naturally nosey and some just don't have a filter.
If you don't want to go into it then just don't. Don't feel obliged. Just tell them you don't wish to go into it right now and you are adjusting to your new life xx

The "do you think you'll get back together?" one is pretty important. You give a completely different type of support to someone who's hoping to get their relationship together again than someone who has maybe been shat on from a great height. and needs to be helped to heal and move on.

Plus, other people's break ups are interesting. Fact. Look at the number of books, films, songs and TV programmes that focus on the subject.

Some people are incredibly socially awkward and genuinely don’t understand that what they’re saying could potentially be hurting the person they’re aiming it at. Huge lack of self-awareness. They’re also nosey AF and treating it as a form of gossip.

Sorry you’re going through a difficult time .

I’m so sorry

I think people just open their mouths sometimes without engaging their brains. It’s rude a hurtful but it’s not malicious.

f they're not your friends but just colleagues you don't know that well, why do they even know you've just gone through ab reak up?
Not all colleagues are just random people you work with you know!!

I've seen this a lot on MN, that people seem shocked when a colleague has a glimpse into someone's life.

I am in a team of 8 and we all know everything about each other virtually including our managers stuff. 4 of the women go on holiday together. A coupe of the blokes play cricket together. When someone goes through a break up, a death, family problems everyone mucks in and supports
I know some people would hate that and I am a newbie, I've only been there 10 years!!! All I am saying colleagues aren't necessarily strangers!

Back to the op, I guess people say things out of surprise and genuinely thought out were a tight couple and are expressing shock and are genuinely concerned. Others just like gossip. The trick is telling them apart.

After my incredibly painful breakup my mother thought that it was helpful to say 'have you considered that maybe he just didn't love you as much as you loved him?'. How amazingly helpful!!!

I found that some people have it and some people don't...some of my friends just knew instinctively what to say and do and others get it all wrong (my mum being one of the wrong ones). Ignore them and focus on moving on...only time will really help..but in time you will be wonderful I promise!!

Some people are such pillocks. I had one friend once who said “Ooooh, I just knew he was a bad un! I could just TELL, the whole time” and went on and on about it. Well thanks for the heads-up when it would have been helpful, mate!