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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague/friend being weird...

25 replies

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:20

Trying not to be too outing, but I work with someone who used to be (that is a whole other story, don't want to drip feed but basically she doesn't like my DP because I left someone her DP is friends with to be with him) a really close friend of mine. We drifted apart but obviously continued to stay nice and friendly with each other as we work in the same office.

DP asked me to marry him last night, so I'm over the moon and shared it on FB and was talking about it in the office this morning.

She's come in, sat at her desk and not said a word to me

I'm not one of these people who would go on and on about it, I mentioned it at work as I was excited, a few people said their congrats and that was that, except she has said nothing to me and is being really quiet and short.

I feel a bit hurt, even a little acknowledgement of it would have been nice but nope, nada. AIBU to be a bit hurt by it or should I just not bother? I'm actually more confused than anything I think...

OP posts:

Noqonterf · 05/04/2018 11:24

I wouldn't bother about it personally. You say you have already drifted apart so this doesn't change anything.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/04/2018 11:31

Honestly, i think it is to be expected.
You left someone who is a pretty big feature in her life/relationship as her partners close friend, and she will have had to bear some of the fall out from that. She and her DP will have been a part of his support system in the aftermath of you leaving him. It will add an extra sting you left him to be with your DP, and for this relationship to have worked out so well that you're now marrying. She is the one who knows how this affected your ex, and the one who will be somewhat affected by his reaction when he finds out.

maras2 · 05/04/2018 11:33

Maybe she would have liked to have been told personally rather than read it on facebook.
I know I would.

ShapelyBingoWing · 05/04/2018 11:34

It sounds like she's stayed outwardly friendly with you simply because you work together rather than because you're still friends. I'd probably get rid of her off my Facebook and give her a wide berth.

bassackwards · 05/04/2018 11:34

Honestly, just ignore her and try not to let her bother you or take away any of your excitement. Some people just never grow up.

Congratulations on your engagement :)

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:36

@AlmostAJillSandwich which is fine, I can understand us not being close friends anymore but since then we have remained friendly at work and still chat about stuff on/off. It's more the fact she seems annoyed. She only met her DP a week before I left the "ex" (it was about a 2 week fling) so it's not like she was over-invested in them/their friendship?

OP posts:

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:39

@maras2 yes, that could possibly be it. I just wasn't sure if I should have told her when it happened? Like I say we're not nearly as close as we used to be and she always goes a bit quiet/sullen every time I mention DP so wasn't sure I should have directly told her. We only told family after it happened as we both have small FB accounts with close friends only!

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Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 11:43

You don’t know she is annoyed about your engagement. She probably has other stuff going on in her life that is bothering her.

Or maybe she isn’t that impressed with your news, who knows.

Ginkypig · 05/04/2018 11:43

It sounds like you cheated on her friend (at the very least emotionally) I have no comment on that as it's nothing to do with me but you must see that of course she is never going to want to celebrate your relationship with the man you cheated with and left her friend for. She isn't saying anything rude she just wants left out of it.

You should have enough respect for her or at least be able to acknowledge her feelings in this.

You should also realise that it is unfair of you to expect her to be involved.
Basically just leave her alone with regards to your relationship.

Having said all that though

Congratulations on your engagement, I hope you'll both be very happy

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:46

@Nicknacky I'm aware... that is why I said seems

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Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 11:48

So forget about it then. Tbh I don’t pay much attention to engagements, she might be similar to me.

Ginkypig · 05/04/2018 11:48

Hang on who are you talking about when you talk about the 2 week fling.

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:48

@Ginkypig didn't cheat, but fair enough. I'll leave it well alone.

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Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 11:49

@Ginkypig the "ex" is the one I had a 2 week fling with. As I was breaking up with him she met her DP.

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Ginkypig · 05/04/2018 11:55

Ok so that changes everything.

Ok so are you saying this is the situation?

You had a two week fling with someone
in the 2nd week someone you work with (were you friends with colleague or know them) starts going out with this guys friend.
Your fling breaks up and you meet current dp.
This work colleague has stayed with fling guys friend.
You obviously work together so see each other.
She in your opinion doesn't seem happy that you just got engaged to your new dp.

Is that the situation?

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 12:01

@Ginkypig yes, that is it exactly it except we were good friends for about 3 years prior to this. The guy I was with for the 2 weeks was very keen from the start and I think he fell for me pretty quickly but it just wasn't reciprocated. She is still with ex's friend and he refuses to speak to me any time he's in the office. I've tried to say hello to him a couple of times but he just puts his head down and ignores me.

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ChikiTIKI · 05/04/2018 12:03

Well at least you know for sure how she feels now. Now you don't have to invite her to the wedding! :)

Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 12:03

Maybe she just doesn’t want involved in any drama as she is still with her boyfriend and feels in the middle of it all.

Nikephorus · 05/04/2018 12:06

They're het up about a 2 week fling?! Sheesh, I thought you were talking a several-year relationship. On Mumsnet that short a relationship doesn't even count as a relationship, it's "dating" while seeing others & making up your mind.
Colleague is weird. Her DP is weird. Congrats!

supersop60 · 05/04/2018 12:15

Colleague is being weird, given the timelines you've mentioned. maybe she feels conflicted loyalty because her DP is still friends with your "ex" (sounds more like a 'never was').
Congratulations to you though!

Juells · 05/04/2018 12:17

I'd like the ten minutes of my life back that I spent reading this thread before getting to the 2-weeks fling thing.

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 12:37

Juells I didn't think it was pertinent to the thread as it was a case of not seeing someone to see someone else?!

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AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/04/2018 12:39

Hmm, the 2 weeks thing does make this seem ridiculous. I can only assume he is the type who is all or nothing and 2 weeks in the real world was like 2 years to him with regard to feeling development and expectations or something.
That would also make it seem like he's completely over reacted and acted heartbroken and scarred for life by you leaving him. If he's THAT dramatic no wonder she is behaving like this, her husband clearly expects hr to side with his friend, and she's probably anticipating a shit storm hitting her.

Ginkypig · 05/04/2018 14:21

The 2 week thing is massively important. It has changed the whole scenario. It has changed what everyone would have answered!

I'm a bit annoyed to be honest because you perpetuated it by not mentioning it but also calling him your ex which suggests a relationship which this obviously wasn't.

She's acting like a weirdo and your acting like a drama queen.

This whole thread is a waste of time.

Original poster

StormcloakNord · 05/04/2018 14:55

@Ginkypig if we're being pedantic, I didn't actually call him my ex a PP did. I then stipulated no he wasn't really an ex he was just someone I left for another person.

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