To think that any time I relax and feel positive, something bad happens

[Sarkyharky]

I think there might be something wrong with me.

I've noticed that everytime I feel happy or positive about anything, then something will go wrong.

Nothing hugely serious, but it's beginning to affect my mental health. Eg, I was feeling happy about dd1 who has been struggling at school, said to dh how much she's improved, bam, next week failed a test and back with her shitty boyfriend (she's 18). Someone asked me how my job was going, I said really well thanks. Next day I lost a big contract. Was feeling very well and relaxed a month ago, started to feel quite upbeat, then I get a throat infection which has lasted for weeks. And now we've booked a holiday in Spain, which I was really looking forward to and just Googles and the weather is awful, rainy and cold.

I know logically these are all petty things, but my reaction to them is starting to worry me. I now can't say anyone is well or happy without thinking that will somehow jinx them!? Am I going mad?!

I have had the same experience
Now, when I’m asked how my DSs are/ my work is/ my life is, I reply “today, things are going well. Can’t speak for tomorrow”’

I am not a doomsayer but have learnt that the wheel always turns and life is just a series of ups and downs.

That's a good way of looking at it. I want to remind myself of all the good things in my life but feel that I can't in case I make something bad happen!

As onemorecup says, all you can take from that is that some days you're up, some days you're down and it all goes around and around. You're not jinxing anything, you're just noticing how fragile things are, and that's a bit scary, but it should also remind you that nothing lasts, not bad or good things, everything passes and changes.

I do this a bit too, OP. Usually with medical stuff - I feel somehow that if I don't worry, it's tempting fate and then things will go wrong/there will be bad news. It's irrational and daft but I still do it!

So you booking a holiday in Spain is responsible for a downtrend in the nation's climate??
Seriously, we all do this a bit when we feel a bit bad about ourselves. It's an awful self-sabotaging thing to do, to feel that we do not deserve good and probably relates back to childhood traumas etc. It is all coincidence, you know that rationally of course. So kick yourself up the arse when you see that tendency raising its ugly head, write down good things that happen on a post it or something, and you will see that in the grand scheme of things most of us come out on top in the balance of good shit/bad shit - and acknowledge that it's highly unreasonable to anticipate that there will not be any bad shit!!

Yeah I know its mad

I had a pretty traumatic child hood which I always think I survived well but maybe this is a leftover.

Definitely don't feel I deserve nice things! Or that I do deserve them but they just don't happen to me! Which is crazy as I have a lovely dh and kids

Try this thought - will your family benefit more by you being happy, or unhappy? What do they 'deserve'?? If it's hard thinking you are worthy maybe that will trick your brain!!
Hugs x

They totally deserve me to be happy! It's so important to them.

I've had times like this too OP. And it became almost a paranoia at times. I had to break the cycle, by turning it around. Instead of thinking the inevitable would happen in a negative way...I tried thinking it the opposite...that things would happen in a positive way! Yes there will be times when things don't go as we hope, but I've learned that things do work out in the end..somehow. It's not a myth that positive energy can be a powerful thing in our lives. Embrace it! And I guarantee you will have a fabulous holiday. Enjoy