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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have reported this?

23 replies

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 07:33

Long story short. Friend's DP groped me whilst I was trying to sleep. Friend has turned against me as have our mutual friends. Making me out to be a liar. I reported to the police as my DP hit the roof and I didnt want him doing something stupid. I knew it may cost me my friendship but this friend was planning on leaving this creep two weeks before. Would you have kept quiet and not reported to save your friendship? Is it worth it?

OP posts:

Motherwell91 · 05/04/2018 07:36

I would defintly report. You did the right thing. Don't worry about your friend she is probably trying to process this and is full of anger and unfortantly taking it out on you. More importantly how are you OP are you coping okay x

DeathStare · 05/04/2018 07:37

You did the right thing. You didn't ruin your friendship - your friend's DP did that by assaulting you and your friend finished the friendship off by supporting him.

Original poster

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 07:54

I'm being made out to be a liar and for ruining a babies life. I have no need to lie. I've met this guy about 7 times since shes been with him which is about 2 years. She got pregnant after a month of them getting together!

OP posts:

LifeBeginsAtGin · 05/04/2018 08:07

Do yourself a favour and walk away from all of them.

Original poster

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 08:18

I just feel so sad to lose my my only friendship group. I've known them for 15 years

OP posts:

Whenwillth1send · 05/04/2018 08:18

Women don't get angry enough about what happens to them. I don't think he will be punished but I think ignoring sexual assualt has led to its normalisation. If your friend is angry with you for reporting an assault, then she isn't a friend.

midsummabreak · 05/04/2018 08:31

You did the right thing No friendship is worth more than self respect. Your 'friend' needs to open her eyes.

ShatnersWig · 05/04/2018 08:52

Your friend is a moron.

x2boys · 05/04/2018 09:01

You did the right thing but yeah you need to walk away from all of them as none of them are your friends

BlondeB83 · 05/04/2018 09:10

Walk away. The truth will out.

PrettyLittIeThing · 05/04/2018 09:18

This happened to my sister about 10 years ago and the woman stayed with him and cut my sister off. She's still with him 10 years later, the truth has never came out (as in the woman 100% believes him) and my sister was made out to be a liar (by the man) it completely ruined their friendship.

mintich · 05/04/2018 09:22

This happened to my friend. I believed but most didn't and she lost a lot of friends. The guy was later jailed for kerb crawling young girls!
Even when that was found out, she still didn't get the apologies that she should have.
People were more worried about her "ruining his career" than what she had been through.....this was mostly females too!

mintich · 05/04/2018 09:23

Forgot to write, yes report!

DownTownAbbey · 05/04/2018 09:36

Am disgusted on your behalf. Wtf is wrong with people? You are the victim and you've been made to feel like a criminal. This is why women have been forced to endure millennia of sexual violence - and very little has changed in 2018.

Bastards.

Original poster

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 09:42

I just dont understand how someone who has known me for so many years would think I would make something up like that. We're in our 30's!!! And I told her as soon as she walked back into the room! And the way everyone has turned on me saying that I'm a liar and looking for attention. Making it out that I'm unhappy in my relationship and thats why i said it. Its crazy. How can people be so blinded by the truth

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/04/2018 09:42

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
I say this once behalf of everyone.
You have 1,000,000,000% percent did the right thing by reporting this beast
FucK those disgusting victim blaming cunts.

WatchingFromTheWings · 05/04/2018 09:44

You did the right thing.

Original poster

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 09:50

I'll be honest. Orignally i just put it down to him being drunk. Told me DP and he obviously hit the roof and wanted to deal with it himself. Hence i got the police involved. I regretted it and felt it was petty. I know it isnt but it has been drummed into us that men can just get away with this shit. But ive still lost my best friend who thinks ive done this to spite her

OP posts:

DaviesMum · 05/04/2018 09:51

YANBU. All it takes is one person to stand up and be counted. Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

I've given up second guessing why people do what they do, whether its sexual assault or sticking up for a perpetrator. It's done now, you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

MoistCantaloupe · 05/04/2018 09:54

She wasn't a friend at all, you completely did the right thing. Hope you're OK, what a horrible, stressful thing to happen. Don't feel bad for going to the police - you didn't ask for any of this to occur.

Loyaultemelie · 05/04/2018 09:54

What Babyspider said with bells on! Sorry this happened to you op

Mileymoocow · 05/04/2018 09:57

My friends husband did this to me in the back of their car whilst she was helping someone into their house. I never told her, but I was obviously upset when I got home and told DP. I've avoided her ever since. I really wish I'd told her at the time and reported him as now I worry about what else he's capable of

Original poster

OwllwOOwllwO · 05/04/2018 10:09

I guess I'm just so sad our friendship is over and hurt that I'm being made out to be a liar. I have no reason to lie.

Sorry to hear that friends have also gone through this

OP posts:

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