This is a bit of a drama but I’ll try to keep it concise.
So a couple of months ago I got engaged. Where DP and I live is about 2 hours drive away from where my parents live (and is where I used to live).
My dad is in poor health - he has a degenerative disease which has affected his mobility, mental capacity etc. 2 days after we got engaged my mum rang and said that unless the wedding was where they are living they wouldn’t be able to attend because of my dad’s health. I was really upset at the time as we already had a venue in mind where we are living, but set about looking for something similar where they were living. My parents have got money saved as I am the only DD so we spoke about this and looked for something that was suitable financially.
We have had to fit in driving back to look at venues around full time jobs and other commitments - my DP has two children. My mum had said that it couldn’t be too far away - it’s a big county they live in - due to transporting my dad. We looked around lots of venues that we felt were an acceptable distance from their home trying to find something we liked, driving probably around 500+ miles over two Saturdays.
Last Saturday we found somewhere and we both really liked it, and it’s about 30mins drive from my mum and dad’s house. They had one date left in the month we wanted, so we decided to book it.
We then went to see my mum and she was clearly not happy. When DP left the room she kicked off at me, saying that this was too far away and we should have discussed it with her first. I admit I got really angry as I felt we’d done a lot in order to accommodate them, and were only having it in this area for them. There were venues that she’d suggested (that we didn’t like as much as the one we’d chosen) which were 20 mins away and I said I really didn’t see how much difference 10 more mins made. She said that she’d have to get carers there but she’d have to arrange that wherever we go. I got really upset and left as soon as DP finished his phone call.
When we got home my eldest brother rang me and said that mum was really upset and that she’s only saying these things as she’s really worried about my dad, and basically suggested that we should change to a nearer venue to make things easier as “this is what he would do”. I said that this was easy for him to say as he was already married and didn’t have to compromise.
Later on my mum text me and said that realistically they would only be able to come to the ceremony and not the reception, but if I let her know who needs paying she’ll write a cheque.
I know she is giving us money but I don’t think that gives her free range to control our wedding. If we hadn’t had the money we would have still got married anyway just done it on a much smaller scale. We are willing for her to take the money needed for transportation/carers out of budget if that makes a difference to them. I have cried so many times over this, and DP has had enough of everyone making me cry and just wants us to run away to Gretna Green. I am at the point where we need to start booking registrars and paying deposits and I still don’t know what to do!