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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be the middle man

14 replies

thenallofasudden · 04/04/2018 19:46

My BIL asked my DH if I'd be in to pay for some work he was having done on his house. (We live 10 doors down the street). BIL was at work.
Basically once the guy was finished he was to knock on my door and I'd hand him the money.
I felt uncomfortable as it would mean me paying over £400 of my BIL's money to a stranger.
Also I didn't want to stay in waiting for the guy to knock when I may potentially want to go out as I have 3 kids to contend with over the Easter break!
So I said no and my DH told my BIL that I may be out.
Me and my DH have now fallen out as he thinks I'm unhelpful and that I should have done it.
My BIL helped us out over the weekend so my DH thinks I should repay the favour. My argument is I don't feel comfortable dealing with other people's money. All sorts of scenarios could arise.
AIBU?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 04/04/2018 19:48

yes I think you are a bit

gamerwidow · 04/04/2018 19:51

Sorry but I think you're being a bit ridiculous. All you have to is give the money and then get a receipt there's nothing that can go wrong really.
Unless you've actually made plans to with the kids that you would have had to change your being mean.

Tralala33 · 04/04/2018 19:53

Yes, i think you are being unreasonable. What were you expecting to happen that's put you off? All you had to do was hand over some cash. If your BIL was asking you to check if the work done was satisfactory then i could understand you would be reluctant, but all you were asked was to pay someone.

strayducks18 · 04/04/2018 19:54

Yeah think it was a bit crap of you tbh

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/04/2018 19:57

Yup, unreasonable on your behalf I'm afraid.

If you know bloke is working 'all day' you don't have to stay in, you can tell BIL you will be back at 4/5/6pm or whatever and go about your business.

I can understand you worrying about 'strangers' but presumably this bloke has had free run of BILs house all day, door key's n'all.

Original poster
thenallofasudden · 04/04/2018 20:00

It was external work so no access to BIL's house unsupervised and no time frame given for when they'd be done.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/04/2018 20:00

Ah stop you are being ridiculous, you hand over the cash, job done, no need for the amateur dramatics

Original poster
thenallofasudden · 04/04/2018 20:07

Fair enough - I shall admit unreasonableness although not to DH!Wink
To be fair it's not out of unhelpfulness but more worry that a) i'd end up paying someone who does off with the cash without doing the work b) is a crook and claims they haven't received the money when I'd given it to them c) asks for more money than what there is d) is a scary stranger
As you can tell I have a vivid imagination!

OP posts:
Avasarala · 04/04/2018 20:10

You would get a receipt. If he doesn't have one ready, then you get him to write one up and sign it. So if that was your concern, it was easily fixed

You've got 2 weeks off for eater holidays- I'm sure you could agree to stay indoors for one day to help out a family member who has also just helped you out.

Go apologise to your husband for making a drama out of it and cashing hassle for his brother.

Avasarala · 04/04/2018 20:10

*causing

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 04/04/2018 20:12

Make it clear that

  1. You will not be able to check the quality of the work.
  2. The person should call/text you early in the day with an estimated finishing time then update you if that time changes giving you sufficient notice to make plans.
  3. Check the money when given to you, so that you don’t have to cover the extra £20 cos the cash was not counted properly.
  4. Make sure you get a written receipt from the tradesman. ‘I John Smith acknowledge receipt of £400 cash for work carried out on the roof of 4 Privet Drive, 04/04/18. Signed’
  5. Keep the cash in a safe place so that when boozy aunt Mable pops in she does not have a chance to help herself to extra gin money ‘hidden’ in your purse or bread bin’.

You can very easily do a bank transfer these days. The reason the tradesman wants it cash in hand is to avoid tax, and your BIL presumably pays a bit less for that privilege. They are both benefiting but you are helping BIL because families help each other and one day you will need a favour.

AnnieOH1 · 04/04/2018 20:24

Personally I don't think I would have done it either. I would be concerned that if the work wasn't right in anyway that BIL or anyone else for that matter would hold be responsible and even if they didn't I know I would feel guilty if there had been an issue.

lollipopjones · 04/04/2018 21:05

I agree with Annie. What if your BIL gets home and isn't happy with the work? Your BIL should make arrangements for the workman to either pop back in the evening for his money or for your BIL to go round the workman's and drop it off.

I don't think he should be getting you involved.

Lacucuracha · 04/04/2018 21:51

I also think you may have got some stick if the work was shoddy.

If your DH wants to return the favour he should have taken the day off and stayed home to give the money. Why should you be stuck indoors.

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