To not take DH on a work weekend away?

[wejammin]

I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks. It's a lot more corporate than anywhere I've ever worked. The office manager rang me yesterday and said the annual "away day" is in 6 weeks at a country hotel a 2 hour drive from the city I live in, and should she book a room for just me or me and DH for overnight?

My initial thought was just me but DH seems a bit miffed.

My thinking is that I will hardly know anyone so I will make more of an effort if I'm on my own. We've never left our DCs overnight so that would be stressful in itself. I'm 10 weeks pregnant so I'm not going to be drinking and DH will so he'll be annoying (there's a meal and free bar in the evening). I have to spend the whole day doing work things and DH will be bored.

The factors in favour of taking him are that the only other person I know is taking her DH who my DH knows, and it means I won't have to share a room.

Do you take your DH to work things? It's never been an option in my life before!

I never take dh and I never go to his stuff either. yanbu. In reality, you will be working.

I have in the past and their were quite a lot of spouses. What’s the norm in your industry? Is there only one other spouse?

Only one other spouse going i mean

No, it sounds like he'd embarrass you.

I would take DP.

That said; he'd be capable of entertaining himself, and he would not embarrass me. If neither of those things were true, i probably wouldn't.

I'd also make a concerted effort to socialise despite DH being around - as you say, you'll be new, so that will be important. I'd personally find it quite comforting to have him nearby for later!

I work away a lot, and very rarely have I taken DH along.

Too stressful trying to arrange to meet up around work commitments and socialising with colleagues.

However maybe it's the done thing at this new place. Can you ask what the balance of people bringing someone compared to people going alone is?

Would you really have to share a room with someone else if you don't take him? I don't work in a particularly extravagant industry, but I've never been asked to bunk with a colleague.

DH and I keep work and pleasure totally separate

I am going on a boozy night out with work soon. He isn't invited although some people do insist on dragging their partners along who look bored to tears of the "in speak" all night

A work weekend away? How horrible. Possibly on the weekend of the Royal Wedding?

I'd steer clear if I was the spouse.

Can you ask the person you know if everyone who has a partner normally brings them, or is it mostly just work folk?

Also, would your husband drink as in "get drunk" or "have a few to be social but won't embarrass you". If he will be drunk, and you're new to the workplace, I wouldn't advise taking him.

She said quite a few weren't taking partners but she didn't break it down into numbers.

The reason I'd have to share is because they've had 10 new starters since the booking was made so apparently space is a bit tight now.

I should add, in general DH is lovely and not embarrassing! I find most people annoying when they're drunk and I'm stony sober, but if I'm on my own I can either retire early or have more patience

I honestly don't know how mich he would drink. We're not big drinkers and we hardly ever go out, especially not together without kids. The only time he gets drunk is when he goes out with his work, and that's fair enough obviously.

We've never been anywhere with a free bar either.

When I had my interview and the manager mentioned about this away weekend thing, he did say it was a "massive piss up" so that probably sets the tone for the evening.

God it's going to be awful either way isn't it

Decline on the grounds you cannot leave your children by themselves, as it would be too stressful, or you cannot find suitable childcare.

Or claim to have an invite to the Royal Wedding?

Say you’re bringing DH so you get your own room- but then maybe say he’s unwell at the last minute and cancel.

Do your new job know you’re pregnant? As it feels it’s easier for you to hide a pregnancy if you’re alone and not drinking versus being with a a DH who likes a drink and will be drinking- then it might be obvious when you’re being offered drink rounds etc.

I would have hoped being pregnant would score you your own room anyway tbh! Do they know?

I wouldn't take him tbh. But I might say o was going to to get my own room and then plead childcare difficulties or illness at the last minute.

My manager knows I'm pregnant, not sure about the office manager. She will do when I start though, I'm huge already! (DC3 and abdominal muscles gave up years ago). I do need to pee a lot in the night, I might have to explain that and see if they can get me my own room!

It's the weekend before the royal wedding....but I'm really not sure I could pull off the excuse of an invite - I'm properly common

Update - she's going to try and get me my own room

I’d leave him at home, this is your chance to really bind with and get to know your new work peeps

God don't take DH.

I would take mine! But he’s better at socialising than me and I wouldn’t have any issues leaving him while I worked. I never have this issue though sadly!

I don’t think I’d take my dh to this sort of thing. Tbf, he would hate it anyway and in my field, even we have to pay our own way to these sorts of things. No way it would be the norm to extend the invite to partners as we’re desperate for travel funding ourselves. But I would totally push for your own room and offer to pay the difference on the grounds you’ll need your rest.

It sounds so strange to me that spouses would be invited on a boring away day. But then I have never had a corporate job. I wouldn't invite mine - like you say, it'll be good for you to go alone and find your feet.