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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a bad friend?

18 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 04/04/2018 16:18

Not sure if it's an AIBU but here it goes.

I have a friend. Used to be my best friend but recently it just doesn't feel the same. We both started working new jobs near each other a few months ago and since then everything has become a competition. And I mean everything. The pay, the workload, relationships, diet, everything.

I am pretty depressed but I can't tell her about everything - because no matter how awful I feel she will never acknowledge it - she will always have to have it worse! If I say I broke a leg she will come out and say she broke two. Everything is a competition. And when I called her out and said that I can't handle her always turning everything on to her her response was - I don't know or don't know what to say. Keep in mind that everytime she moans about something (which is all the time) I am always 100% supportive and showing her I have her back.

Then it's the moaning - she is a hypocrite like no other - always posting positive quotes on social media, making it out like she's this super happy person when in fact she is so negative and miserable that I can't be around her most of the time. She is ALWAYS complaining about something. Nothing is ever good, she has so much good going for her but she's such a glass half empty kind of person that she never sees it. And I honestly can't stand it anymore. I'm always trying to be positive even though I am battling MH issues but being around her just makes me feel so horrible.

And then there's the third thing - she has no personality at all, she copies absolutely everything I do. It's come to the point where she wears everything I do, does everything I do, her DC go to the same activities as mine (even though her kids don't like it at all - it's all so she can post on SM about how her DC excell at everything and how hard they are trying, which again, is not true). Not to mention we live a half an hr drive away so it's not like it's convenient for her either. I can't even say that my DH did something nice for or talk about him because guess what - her DH did that times 75!!!

I'm sorry if I this post makes no sense - I don't know if I am venting here or trying to see if I'm just being bitter and unreasonable. I feel like I snapped after she told me to lay off the chocolate because I'm gonna get fat - I never complain about my weight, I gained 4 ibs and she noticed straight away and told me I looked fatter. But the thing is that she's almost 80 ibs heavier than me and How dare she??

Am I being a bad friend for feeling like this?

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 16:21

No, you are not.

The mistake you are making is believing that she is your friend. She is not.

Trinity66 · 04/04/2018 16:25

Why do you still hang out with her?, you honestly sound like you hate her :/

mummmy2017 · 04/04/2018 16:32

A friend had this problem... She Told the other person she was moving house .. they copied.. they moved friend didn't

Trinity66 · 04/04/2018 16:33

She Told the other person she was moving house .. they copied.. they moved friend didn't

Original poster

Shelvesoutofbooks · 04/04/2018 16:38

Trinity I don't hate her. But I hate that I can't talk to her about anything anymore. She was my closest friend for ages. I just don't know what's gotten into her.

OP posts:

MrsPreston11 · 04/04/2018 16:43

OMgeeeee

House move idea is the best everrrrrrrr.

I had a "friend" like this. Wish I'd thought of that!!!!

They do eventually move onto someone else though. It's very very strange.

Trinity66 · 04/04/2018 16:45

Trinity I don't hate her. But I hate that I can't talk to her about anything anymore. She was my closest friend for ages. I just don't know what's gotten into her.

Why don't you just distance yourself from her for a bit then give yourself some space and like someone else said she migt find someone else to copy in the meantime

YourWanMajella · 04/04/2018 16:50

I wonder what her perspective might be? She might be saying much the same things about you?

QueenOfMyWorld · 04/04/2018 16:55

If you've been to Tenerife she's been to Elevenerife yep I know what you mean so annoying.Distance yourself

Rudgie47 · 04/04/2018 17:03

You need a break from her and to do things with other more positive people. Then think about if you want her back into your life.
It sounds like your friendship has run its course TBH.

savingmysanity · 04/04/2018 17:04

Has she recently got back off a holiday to eleven-erife?

She sounds like ALOT of hard work. Friendship is a two way street.

Original poster

Shelvesoutofbooks · 04/04/2018 17:05

YourWanMajella - she is very much aware of the copying. I've called her out on it, she either gets angry or pretends like it "only happened once or twice". Did I mention DH and I got engraved jewlery for out anniversary that you can only get at this one very specific resort? And did I mention that she and her DH got the exact same thing a month later?

OP posts:

mimibunz · 04/04/2018 17:09

My sister did this and explained it away by saying she was ‘following in my footsteps’. We are no longer speaking. She wanted my close friends as well.

Jamiefraserskilt · 04/04/2018 18:22

When a friendship becomes exhausting, it is time to move on.

Catspaws · 04/04/2018 18:26

You obviously can't stand her! Why not just let the friendship slide?

MatildaTheCat · 04/04/2018 18:30

She sounds very insecure. Has she always been so much heavier than you?

However, regardless of the cause of her behaviour it sounds draining and you don’t have to be friends, it’s supposed to be a pleasure.

LeighaJ · 04/04/2018 18:39

You're not a bad friend; she is.

Original poster

Shelvesoutofbooks · 04/04/2018 20:30

Matilda ever since I met her.

OP posts:

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