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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next door neighbours DD

21 replies

Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 14:31

A quick one , NDN wife is dying in nursing home , NDN DD2 is staying with him and sitting with her mum whilst she dies , naturally she wants to be with her, she rang my DD an hour and a half ago, at our house,telling her that her mother was dying and that she was stuck in Acc/Em with her father who had a UTI. I think she wanted me to sit with her father while she went back to her mum in the home. We were out at the time , we come home now to both her car and NDN car outside their house, the vertical blinds are shut in the front room and l am afraid to ring around in case she had passed away. I don't want to intrude in case she has gone .AIBU to wait for them to get in touch with me again? If NDN was in Acc/em her car wouldn't be outside the house. What would you do ? Help please. I don't want them to think l am being nosy . It feels very awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 14:32

Not strictly an AIBU but wanted/needed traffic.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 04/04/2018 14:34

Can you message, saying that you're home now and is there anything you can do for them?

They'll then tell you what they want you to know.

FrancisUnderwood · 04/04/2018 14:35

It does sound probable that the worst has happened. There is nothing that could be done, you couldn't help being out.

You could call back, if she doesn't want to answer right now, she won't. Or she might appreciate the call. I don't think showing concern is ever a bad thing.

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 14:36

Not got the mobile number and he hasn't got answer machine. Would it be to bad of me to ring Ac/em?
Thank you for answering me so quickly NannyOgg

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 14:36

Thank you Francis I will have to ring l think but I am dreading it

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 04/04/2018 14:37

What Nanny0gg said - a message would not be intrusive or nosey, just showing a reasonable amount of concern

MakeItRain · 04/04/2018 14:38

I would pop round. If they don't want to answer they won't. Take a note round to drop through if you get no answer, and say you're home and to let you know if there's anything they need you to do. You sound like a lovely neighbour.

QueenieBuchanan · 04/04/2018 14:38

Ring and ask if you can help

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/04/2018 14:40

I don't think there's anything wrong with ringing. Just explain that you were out when they left a message, but ask after her Father in case he's now stuck in hospital with a UTI. (And obv offer condolences if her Mother has passed.)

I really don't think you would cause any offence. Just say to let you know if there is anything you can do.

Gemini69 · 04/04/2018 14:40

this Thread is so so DeJaVu....

sorry OP.. very sad situation.. I'd definitely go knock and see if she is okay... Flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/04/2018 14:40

Oh yes, popping round with a note is a good idea.

AnyFucker · 04/04/2018 14:42

Put a note through the door ?

Mightymucks · 04/04/2018 14:43

I think you need to pop around.

Lizzie48 · 04/04/2018 14:43

You sound like a lovely neighbour. And I agree with the PP who suggested going round. If they don't want to be intruded on they won't answer. And yes I would leave a note explaining that you were out when they called but you're back now and to let you know if you can help in any way.

NoqontroI · 04/04/2018 14:44

Just go round.

silverbirches · 04/04/2018 14:50

Go round and knock.

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 14:52

Thank you all so much for answering , I summoned up the courage to ring the Nursing Home and they so kindly told me that the wife is still alive and quite comfortable atm. I am going to put a note through the door to say I am here if they need me , Thank you all so much I just couldn't think straight and the idea of a note is brilliant, God that is such a relief I felt so guilty but my hands were tied. Flowers to you all Thank you so much. I knew you would help me Mumsnet to the rescue!

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ifonly4 · 04/04/2018 15:23

If they blinds are shut, they may be back having a rest. You could leave it a bit longer and pop around to offer support, but if you're not sure, a note is a good idea.

A nursing home might be different, but for future reference when my MIL passed away in hospital, it was two hours before we left as we needed some time as a family as she died peacefully in our presence, it then took 30 mins for doctor to confirm, we had to clear all her possessions and then hang around to discuss collecting death certificate from hospital before applying for a formal one.

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 15:44

Ahh yes I wasn't thinking straight Ifonly4, I was in a panic about not being here to help, you know. My DH has seen their niece's car opposite the nursing home so she has obviously come to help. Thank God . Thank you all so much .

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 04/04/2018 15:46

oh lordy.. thank goodness... well done OP Flowers

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 04/04/2018 16:00

Ahh thank you Gemini69 you are too kind

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