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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to pay until they chase ME?

13 replies

Tobestronger · 04/04/2018 13:02

God this is going to make me sound awful.
Divorced ex husband 13 years ago. He was domestically abusive and has repeatedly let our three children down and not paid a penny for them over the last 13 years.
Due to his refusal to stay in work we ended up in massive debt. I have been paying most of this off over the last 13 years with no assistance at all from him. If I have contacted him about joint debt he has ignored it.
I've been struggling the kids whole childhoods with serious ill health, three kids, low working income and no financial support at all. Or any support in fact while he has been out with his mates partying and getting drunk.

One example is paying off a huge dwp loan that paid for furniture just before I left when our home flooded. The new furniture was all still in his new home as he took it with him (we both moved) but he didn't deem himself responsible in any way.
Most of the stuff I have paid has been hundreds and up to 3k.

On Thursday ex husband got a bill in joint names but to his house only and has tracked me down and isn't happy at all. It was one I had no idea we still owed but it is definitely not statue barred.

The bill is joint and severely liable so we are both responsible for the whole amount separately or together.

Wib massively unreasonable and a total bitch to not contact the bill people myself to arrange payment until he has set up payment arrangements to make sure he shoulders some of the responsibilities?

I'm just sick of the fact they are going to take money when we are barely managing and he's going to still pay nothing and carry on as always if I don't.

OP posts:
ny20005 · 04/04/2018 13:08

Did you tell him about all the joint debt that he's not paid ! I'd just ignore it but he'll probably give them your details

Tobestronger · 04/04/2018 13:15

Yes I did tell him.
He just ignored any part of my messages that included mention of it and because we were both responsible I had to pay it to prevent further action.

He doesn't have our details. He hasn't bothered to come to see them for most of the last 13 years. We moved to the Midlands ten years ago and he isn't interested.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2018 13:22

Leave him to it!

But how isn't it statute barred if you divorced him 13 years ago and moved 10 years ago?

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/04/2018 13:23

Leave him to it. You’ve already paid more than your fair share.

AnnieOH1 · 04/04/2018 13:26

Do double check that it isn't statute barred. Few wouldn't be after this time, and the ones that wouldn't be I would be very surprised hadn't already been in touch.

StopPOP · 04/04/2018 13:27

I'd leave him to also. If it's been sent to his address and they have no details for you, then I think they will continue to just pursue him (but I'm not an expert)

VimFuego101 · 04/04/2018 13:28

I'm not clear on why it isn't statute barred.

Tobestronger · 04/04/2018 13:34

Vim certain debts are not statue barred regardless of time. If there are ccj or it has been to court.
This is one of them.

OP posts:
CannaeBeErsed · 04/04/2018 13:41

I'd leave it and make sure EX can't get your details (like secretly asking the kids via FB etc)
My friend one had a house share. He gave all his bill money to his housemate who then pocketed the cash and hid the bills. My friend only realised very little had had been paid after around 6 months when bailiffs turned up to Locke them out.
He had proof he had paid his half to the housemate but as the council and landlord only had my friend's details, they chased him. The council didn't care to go find the one who really owed the money so my friend had to pay his half again plus the cunt of a housemate's half too. The landlord was more forgiving and understood my friend had been screwed along with the landlord.
Companies will chase the ones they can find easily. If they have your Ex, leave him to it.

Hissy · 04/04/2018 13:57

just ignore him. He ignored you and you paid thousands of debt that was partly his.

It's his turn now.

missymayhemsmum · 04/04/2018 14:00

If DWP catch up with you on this one let them know that the loan was for furniture that your ex kept when you had to leave due to his violence and therefore you expect him to pay it. End of.

Tobestronger · 04/04/2018 14:24

I've paid the dwp one sadly.

OP posts:
Springtrolls · 04/04/2018 14:34

I would ignore him. If he contacts you I would bluntly ask him wtf he expects me to do.
If he carries on. Then he would be billed for all the other joint debts.

Oh and even ccj’s can be squashed. I had one squashed with the help of a FB group. Cannot remember the correct legal term but the court over turned the ccj, sent it back to the debt collectors. More letters, again from the group and the debt was sent back to the original company and all fees taken off.
When I went cab I was told tough shit, pay it

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