To think it’s hard to make friends

[mickiee]

I don’t have any children or a partner. So I spend most time alone. I do have friends but they spend most of their time with their own families which is fair enough obviously. And I have also found recently most of them are making “mummy friends.”

I don’t know how to make friends. (Please don’t suggest meetup because I just find it’s different people every time you go and it works out as very expensive.)

Groups seem ironically targeted at mothers - for women in their 20s and 30s anyway - and again cost is an issue with some.

I’ve tried voluntary work but it’s very hard fitting it in with normal work and also I do find the focus is on the work rather than the friendships that stem from it.

I feel in a bit of a rut and wonder if my role is to just be the boring friend who does nothing!

I had a similar problem, though I am married with grown up children friends outside were getting a bit sparse as most people I've known for years live a long way away. I joined the board of a charity which just entailed meetings, not "work" and coming up with ideas between times. I've made a couple of enduring friendships through that. Also joined a women's fitness group and met a sociable group. I wonder if a reading group/book club might be the way to go? We have always had Staffordshire Bull Terriers which prefer their own space, but my brother has a golden retriever and he has made friends with quite a few people local to him through walking his beautiful dog, they have a Christmas party and a summer barbecue each year.

I’d love to get a dog, but my lifestyle just doesn’t really allow for it. I travel at short notice sometimes

I’ve actually joined a reading group so I hope I get somewhere!

I persistently target people I want to be friends with and pester them until they submit to my friendship 😬

I jest a bit - but I do actively try to cultivate new friendships and you're right, it is hard work. For example, if I'm introduced to a friend's other friends and like some of them and have things in common I'll make sure I get their contact details and follow up to meet again. Same with people I meet through work. I've been out clubbing and got talking and dancing (albeit in a trashed kind of way) with women and then asked for their numbers and met up again. Surprisingly, all this does seem to work: I figure more people than we think are looking to make new friends or don't have many of their own, and are pleased that I do all the legwork for them!

Otherwise - are you into fitness? Running, cycling, triathlon? I've made some great friends through my groups for those.

Another one here recommending a fitness club. I lived in a new area for 7 years and made no friends at all due to being quite shy around new people.

Joined a c25k group and am now half marathon training. They also hold social events and have welcomed me to lots of other get togethers. Give it a try OP, you might find it helps!

I was thinking of joining the WI
no kids, not married, but as far as I can see you don’t have to be
And I am in a city!

I’m really not fit at all. I know it’s a good way to become fit but I’m not sure.