AIBU not staying at the wedding for a week?

[Applecrumble79]

My brothers wedding is coming up in August. I love him to bits but just want this wedding over with as its abroad and It really is a financial drain.

The family will be staying in a villa but this sends shivers down my spine. My partner is also coming and I can’t help but feel dread about the whole thing. There are so many family dynamics and irritating family members one in particular who I feel forced to live with for one week.
Anyway he would like the wedding party to stay for 1 week but I am thinking to stay for four days only and fly home the day after the wedding. He really would like me to stay longer but the thought feels like torture. I really would have preferred a hotel. I like my own space and already thinking about the need to drink alcohol to cope for four days!!

Am I being unreasonable coming home early?

Yanbu. Can you even make it shorter?

YANBU. Could you use work as an excuse (either yours or your partner's) if you want to spare his feelings?

Such a shame you can't get that much leave, and can only stay minimal time possible.
So to free up space in the villa for others who can stay the whole week, you'll book into the hotel next door, and someone with more annual leave can gave the room inthe villa.

Ugh, some weddings just take the piss.

Make up something about you ir your partner not getting time off work. Try to be at the villa as minimally as possible. Make some bullshit bingo cards for you and your partner with the annoying phrases or actions the difficult relative will say/do (eg not wash up, tinkly fake laugh, dredge sthing awful up from your childhood, drop the f-bomb around kids, mention weight loss/gain, be racist - whatever winds you up). I wouldn't suggest being drunk, that was lies loose lips and regret!

Stay as little as you can and take yourself off for (free!) walks or "migraines" for breaks.

Apart from the actual wedding, sounds like you'll have a shit time but try not to let your brother feel the brunt of it, lots of smile and nod.

I'd be going and staying in a hotel for as long as you can afford to, be that 4 days or the whole week. Be upfront. You need your space. Nothing unreasonable about that. Your brother wants you there, and this is the only achievable way of doing that, so he'll need to suck it up. If he's fine with that, screw anybody else's opinions on your accommdation choices. And go enjoy yourself, knowing you can escape to a sanctuary! I have a large family and we get on very, very well together. But a villa all together? Always going to fray tempers and test patience, no matter how close a family is.
Good luck OP!

Would it be easier to appear to go along with the week plan for now but actually book the flight home you want, and then have an 'emergency' come up at the time?

YWBU to remain any longer than absolutely necessary. Doesn't sound like much fun anyway.

Thanks for the advice. I have now decided four days is enough. I am not putting myself through the stress!! No way. I will use the excuse of work for returning home early. Thanks guys

Even 4 days would be too long for me if staying with certain family members send shivers down your spine.
I’d stay at a hotel, have a relaxing time and enjoy your brother’s wedding. I’m sure he wants you to.

In life it sometimes pays to be honest and clear with what you plan to do. Tell him you will be staying in your own accommodation - honestly when it gets to the actual wedding he a) won't care b) will see how reasonable you are in wanting your own space.

I had a wedding that involved people staying in hotels - I would not have dreamed of forcing anyone to stay with or near anyone else.

Staying in a forced environment with other adults is not necessary - be grown up and make the decision you want to.

A week is too long - unless you would enjoy having a break in this place.

repeat to yourself - I will stay where I want, I am a grown up and I will be a better and happier guest if I have my own space.

I hear you OP, loud and clear. I find three days tolerable, returning on the morning of the fourth day. If you can find a bed and breakfast close by, all the better. Your reason, you need space, is enough.
This way, you can party on, but relax, knowing you have a bolt hole, when it gets too much.
Get it sorted sooner, rather than later, then you can look forward to it.

Three days is sufficient, arrive day 1, wedding day 2, leave on a late flight day 3.

Surely after the actual wedding he won't care who is there except his dw anyway?

4 days is enough.

Who is it you don't get on with?

Why on earth would a groom WANT family to stay around for a week? I'd like to be getting on with my honeymoon with my wife thanks all the same.

Anyway, the only acceptable overseas weddings are
a) if the bride is returning home (if you're following old traditions)
b) elopement

Agreed Shatner. Want all your loved ones at your wedding? Get married in the country where you live. People like to pick their own holidays (if they can afford them) and will not be thrilled to have to go to your choice of destination, whatever they may say to your face.

People like to pick their own holidays (if they can afford them) and will not be thrilled to have to go to your choice of destination, whatever they may say to your face

Yes totally agree with this.