Am I or DH BU?

[SaveBandit]

Ok so I know I probably am being unreasonable so this is more a chance for me to rant!

I have put on weight and got myself a bit worked up the other day. DH sat with me and gave me a little pep talk saying how he will support me and make sure I have time to go for a run of an evening and stop his unhealthy habits too. DH has put on weight too and also has high blood pressure and cholesterol, brought on by drinking too often and eating rubbish. He then had a look online and found a local slimming world group that I can attend tomorrow. I decided that I would join and try and follow the plan to lose some weight (slimming world has worked really well for me in the past but I know some people don't like it!)

Anyway, I got home before and started to cook dinner. DH came in and said it looked good and he was looking forward to it. He then just mentioned that some friends were coming over tomorrow night. This means that they will all be ordering a takeaway and having a few drinks.

So DH and I planned meals for the week over the phone before when I went shopping and I planned some really nice and healthy meals and was feeling very positive and motivated. I don't understand why he didn't say "On Wednesday so and so are coming over so don't plan anything." I said that I thought it was a big shit that I'll be coming home from my first slimming world group to find everyone tucking in to takeaway and DH just said that he was going to order me some so I shouldn't worry.

I know I can't tell people to come over and not eat whatever they want to eat and I wouldn't do that but I just feel like DH has done the exact opposite of supporting me. I don't have to eat it, and I wont, but I'll have to come in and make something else and because of work getting done in the house the only place I'll be able to sit and eat it will be the room where everyone will be eating takeaway.

I have just spoken to DH about it again and he said "It's only one takeaway, it's not going to make that much of a difference." To which I said that wasn't the point. We were supposed to be doing it together and he said he would stop drinking and eating crap as often as he does. The fact that he hasn't even lasted more than a few days makes me feel really unsupported. He just laughed it off and said that wasn't true.

I know I'm being unreasonable to ask him to change his own eating habits but is he being a bit unreasonable not following through and supporting me like he promised?

There are lots of options on slimming world for takeaways - boiled rice with chicken skewers, or whatever. Grab a menu and work out what you can have for as few syns. Your DH can have the same as you, or not, that’s up to him. You concentrate on yourself. Good luck!

He's not supporting you, he's shipping you off to slimming world so you can work on yourself and he can keep doing what he wants to.

As he has shown.

Sorry I think you're being U. You don't have to eat the takeaway. But he's not doing the SW plan, some people lose weight better if they don't follow a strict plan. Eating is a social occasion, I think it's mean to deny him an occasional takeaway night with friends!

Is there a particular reason why you must have a takeaway when your guests are over? I appreciate that it's easier and might well be the tradition, but what about making a delicious and healthy home cooked meal like you planned? Obviously if your DH and his friends insist on eating crap then by all means leave them to it - but you can still choose a healthier meal, no?

The idea was that he did it too so that we both get fitter and start eating better. I'm obviously not going to stop him getting a takeaway. I just feel a bit let down.

They just always order in. There's quite a few coming over and by the time DH has got in and got DS ready for bed there'll be no time to cook.

"He's not supporting you, he's shipping you off to slimming world so you can work on yourself and he can keep doing what he wants to."

They're both adults and have agency to decide what they will eat. Even if there is an element of the DH just wanting the OP to lose weight and isn't really bothered about himself, who ends up better off? The DH who will continue to be overweight and have high blood pressure or the OP who will be taking steps to improve her health?

It just looks to me as though his good intentions have already fallen BEFORE the first hurdle. OP, I know it would nice if you and and your DH could always do this together but changing your diet and losing weight is something that will always come down to you in the end. I'd focus on letting him help make sure you have time to exercise as he has promised and things like that.

Just make something at home and ditch the takeaway. No biggie really.

Either order yourself something light or make your own meal. Your dh is not responsible for your weight loss. I had chicken and blackbean with veg and boiled rice every fri from local takeaway on sw and still lost

Not the point Rainbunny. Point is that he is all over it and pledging his support, even going so far as doing the meal planning with her and 3 days later he's bringing in the takeayways on her first SW night.

Very supportive. Not.

As someone who has yo-you dieted etc, you can't go on a plan that isn't sustainable.

Your DH isn't willing to give up his takeaway night, but that doesn't mean that you have to tuck in, as well. You can fit it into your week.

He doesn't want to take it as seriously as you are and you have to proceed on that basis.

You also have to work out if you are looking for excuses to eat what you shouldn't be.

wait he told you you needed to get fit and lose weight and even though he does to is still eating takeaway and drinking

He'll support you until it interrupts his choices. Then he'll stop supporting you

Just get on and sort you out.

When you're feeling lovely and healthy you can feel proud that you did it (mainly) by yourself

He is being an arse. If he has offered his support he doesn't get to pick and choose when it is convenient to support you. Is there somewhere else you can go for a healthy dinner after your group? It won't be easy going home to everyone tucking into a takeaway and you will most likely feel guilty after if you tuck in too

I am not planning on eating anything they get in, I'm going to cook. I don't want to eat a takeaway at all. I have planned meals for this week and going to eat them.

DH is usually amazing and so supportive so part of me is thinking I should just let this go but it's so out of character for him. I thought after seeing how upset I was he would try for longer than a few days. He has been eating so unhealthily lately and he works away for weeks at a time so is eating takeaway or hotel restaurant food. His clothes are getting tight and he has complained that he's putting weight on. Obviously he isn't too bothered by it but I know I would help him and support him if it was the other way round.

Imagine DH decided first to go to sw and then "encouraged" you to go too because he had decided you are too fat and unhealthy. How would that go?

You change lifestyle when you are ready, i.e. now. He changes when he is ready, i.e. not now.

I would also be ordering a blow out takeaway if DH pressured me into dieting because he'd decided I was a porker.

I lost 8 stone on Slimming World. Weigh in was Thursday evening, after which I had treats, take out whatever that night and the Friday. I found having a night and day off helped me because I didn’t feel deprived. It really won’t matter unless you go nuts and binge. As a pp said, there are take out options eg shislak if you’re going the Indian route, or plain boiled rice plus whatever. I don’t think he’s sabotaging you and I think you need to chill a bit.

@RunRabbitRunRabbit that's not what happened. I said how I felt and got upset. He then said that he has put weight on, his clothes are tight, working away has made him lazy when it comes to cooking, he hasn't been helping himself and he would stop buying so much junk and do more to support me eating healthily and help make sure I got time of an evening to go for a run or even do a fitness dvd or something. He then found the slimming world group and told me about it - I didn't mention slimming world prior to that. Today I spoke to him as I was outside the shop and we planned a week of meals and I felt really positive.

As far as I could tell we had both decided to do this and support each other.

DH then told me that people were coming over and they were ordering in and when I reminded him that I was going to slimming world he said he would order me something too.

@Gide I don't think he's sabotaging anything. I am just annoyed that the support has gone after a few days. I know that you can have a night off but I was hoping we could have a week without eating crap. I still can and will but I just don't think DH and a room full of people eating takeaway when I get home from a slimming world group screams support. I also know people will ask why I'm eating something else and I hate talking about my weight with others. I'll probably just say I didn't fancy what they're having but it's still drawing attention to me.

Everyone has a big meal after weigh in. Eat it and start again the next day

What would you like to happen, he doesn't have friends over and a takeaway with them till you finish dieting?

You've still got to live and as plenty have said, you can easilybhave a takeaway too and eat a healthy sized portion, uou don't need to get something fatty and eat a lot. I really don't get your issue here. You've both still got to live.

Surely support goes both ways. Not just him to you?

He's sabotaging you before you've even started. Arsehole.