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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lost job, car, no money! Feel worthless

23 replies

princesspxx · 03/04/2018 18:03

  • warning a long post lol! -

Subject says it all really. I’ve never ever felt so pointless in my life. I left College this time last year with great A Level results, and chose to take a gap year to spend time with family, work etc then decide if I’m ready for uni this year. I was very fortunate at 17 to pass my driving test and have a car bought for me by my parents. I was loving life this time last year as I felt like I really had it together for an 18 year old, happy with my boyfriend, friends, driving, working (which I’ll get on to now!) and just generally feeling like I was doing well in life!

I was working as a care worker for people with learning disabilities. Long hours and pretty crap pay but I managed to upgrade my car to a much nicer one, I was really proud of myself for saving up!

Fast forward to now, I lost my job in January, simply because they didn’t want to pay maternity and as id come to the end of the probationary period they used that as an excuse to let me go. I’ve had quite a lot of people from work back me up saying it must just be because I’m pregnant, as I was a really hard worker. My MIL works for this company, we became really close when I lost my job. And now she’s STILL being a massive bitch with me because I didn’t take her daughter to a 4D scan with me (long story but I posted a thread about it. She’s starting to show her true colours Sad) so I feel like I’ve lost a friend there.

After leaving college I naturally drifted from the majority of my friends as they went off to uni but I remained close to my bestest friend of 7 years. But over the past few months since being pregnant, she’s slowly cut me off (talking to me less, cancelling plans etc) and is basically all about her boyfriend now, and new friends she has made at her new workplace.

I’m not working at the minute, I went onto universal credit. I still haven’t found a job and I’m now 29 weeks, I feel like a fucking failure. I’ve no friends, my boyfriends friends partners are all like a “group” so it’s difficult for me to kind of join in - feels like I’m still in school ffs. Me and my boyfriend are arguing more over money specifically, MIL starting to show her true colours, no job, and now having to sell the car I’d worked so hard to get as with universal credit I get £257 a month but my car is £180 a month. I just can’t afford it (and really it is a luxury, I don’t desperately need it now. I think it’s just that letting go of it when I worked so hard to get it)
So basically, I just feel like a failure. I feel like I’ve lost everything. The only thing keeping me going is my little girl (due in 11 weeks ah!) as she really is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Not sure why I posted this or if anyone is still reading Blush but I think having to admit the car needs to go and that I’m fucking skint is the final straw Sad Please someone tell me it will get better lol x

OP posts:
darkriver198868 · 03/04/2018 18:10

Oh op. Lots of hugs. Does your boyfriend support you at all? You are NOT a failure and you are doing the right thing if you cant afford the car to sell it. I hope things improve for you soon.

Original poster
princesspxx · 03/04/2018 18:13

@darkriver198868 He’s had to pay for pretty much everything since we moved in together 2 months ago. Gas, electric, food etc. I always feel so guilty I’m forever saying thank you and apologising. He’s just hot and cold about it, one minute he says it fine because if it was him in my position I would do the best I could for him, but other times when we argue he throws it in my face that I’ve no money Sad it just upsets me that it’s not by choice, If I could I’d pay for everything and more!!

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 03/04/2018 18:28

Don't worry. Stay fit and healthy for the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy your new baby. Things can get better but you do need the support of your partner. If you enjoyed care work then that is something very easy to get into again as demand and staff turnover is high. You may find some agency work in the future will suit you and your family as you can easily vary your hours and shifts to suit childcare. Good luck. Forget about the car for now. Xx

KateSpade · 03/04/2018 18:49

Aw, op I feel exactly the same & im 30 next year.

I do not mean this patronisingly but you are so young & really do have the rest of your life ahead of you.

The most important thing in your life Is on its way & you will think differently about cars, careers, once your baby has arrived. I don’t mean that as belittling as it sounded.

Fuller2018 · 03/04/2018 18:49

Were there any performance issues during your probation, and what reason did they give you for letting you go? How soon after announcing your pregnancy did it happen?

It might be worth speaking to ACAS or a solicitor because even though you were in probation, it doesn't mean they can get rid of you because you are pregnant. There is potentially an issue with discrimination here (presuming there weren't already any performance issues)

GreenVoyage · 03/04/2018 18:54

You do realise the car isn't yours to sell if you've got it on finance right?

TalkFastThinkSlow · 03/04/2018 18:55

To be honest, I think you will find it difficult to get a job until your baby is born, so I wouldn't bother applying until then.

It sounds like you've got your head screwed on, but that, unfortunately, you have some immature people in your life.

Can your partner not afford the outgoings? It's unfair for him to have a go at you :(

Original poster
princesspxx · 03/04/2018 18:59

@Fuller2018 no performance issues. Everyone started off there wth a 6 month probation, I told them when I was 6 weeks pregnant (bit silly I know but the managers were so nice and I was struggling with sickness so wanted to alter my shift times), they were fine with it. Even emailed me randomly asking how me and baby was etc. Then I went to my probation meeting, which I thought had gone fine! My manager praised me, I left and didn’t think anything of it, thought I was in the clear. I just thought it was odd how she never mentioned the baby or me being pregnant but over email was always so nice about it.

I then got an email a few days later to say unfortunately my probation failed... they came up with a really poor excuse. That I forgot to hand in £5 3 days late. And that I forgot to bring my completed book in 3 days late, despite some people still not handing it in for 2 years.

I’m not sure how the process with _ACAS works?

OP posts:
Original poster
princesspxx · 03/04/2018 19:00

@GreenVoyage I’m selling it then paying my finance settlement figure off

OP posts:
redcaryellowcar · 03/04/2018 19:01

Take the pressure off yourself, if you can, get rid of the car and allow yourself to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Cars can be replaced, no rush. I think when you have a baby the pace naturally slows and pushchair walks etc seem of so appealing (babies like fresh air and rustle trees!) don't beat yourself up. Know you absolutely had what it took to do your job well and that it's an option for when your baby is old enough for you to leave her. There will always be care roles and with your experience you are well placed to secure a job in the future. You are in the midst of hormone city and I think most people in later stages of pregnancy doubt their abilities. Try to believe in yourself!

GreenVoyage · 03/04/2018 19:02

I think you need to double check that you'd be allowed to do that.

UpOver · 03/04/2018 19:03

I've posted on your thread (threads?) before. I feel so sorry for you. Are you still planning on staying with your partner? It's all so much so young. I think you have to look long term. You need to have the baby and get through the early years and then there is no reason that you can't go to unit or train to do something.

UninspiringUserName · 03/04/2018 19:07

Oh OP, no wonder you sound miserable. Right now, finding another job is going to be tricky, is there anything you could do as a temp contract or from home between now and your baby arriving?

It sounds like your 'friends' may well be a bit spooked by you settling down with your boyfriend and expecting a baby while they're still in the having fun phase. Try, as hard as you can, not to focus on them and what they're doing and how there's now a distance between you. Once you have the baby, ask the midwife or health visitor for advice on meeting new mums locally, you'll find a whole new world may well open up for you.

I can understand why you're so worried about money, and the car won't be helping - can you look into what it's worth and if you can sell it and clear the debt? That will be one big weight off your shoulders. You need to be really open with your boyfriend about his attitude towards you and money, and if needs be, could you go home to your parents? It's not ideal I know, but you can't be with someone who keeps throwing the money issue in you face, especially as you're about to have his daughter.

It all feels bleak right now, but give it a few weeks, your daughter will be here, you can then start to make choices about how you want to life to pan out, and go from there. Get as much support around you as possible, and then go and make that life happen. You sound seriously smart and switched on - you can do anything you want to do!

Teutonic · 03/04/2018 19:18

Come on sweetie. I know everything must seem bad at the moment. Your in a situation, which I suspect due to your pregnancy you can't see a way out of, but once your baby arrives and you've got your strength back, things will get better. It may take a little while until you've got routines sorted out, but it will get better.
I can't advise on what to do about your immediate situation except to sit down and calmly try to work out your financial situation to the best advantage for yourself.
Trust me, you are NOT a failure. You still have your education and intelligence, you will be able to use that to your advantage In the future.
It's unfortunate that your employers let you go, but as a probationary staff member they have the right to do so.
But please believe in yourself. You can have a wonderful future. Flowers

Fuller2018 · 03/04/2018 20:45

I'd be suspicious if they never raised those points with you at any point until they let you go. Especially if you already had your probation review and it all went well.

If you call ACAS and say you want some advice on possible maternity discrimination, then give them the details of what happened then they should be able to advise what to do next. It will be a bit harder now you've already left but it can be worth pursuing. I had a situation with my (ex) employer and redundancy in late pregnancy and I'm glad I put the effort in now. Unfortunately it is still very common for discrimination to happen against pregnant women.

Worth a read...

www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/pregnant-and-on-probation-at-work-your-rights/

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042

Allthewaves · 03/04/2018 20:53

If there's a sure start centre near you I'd get yourself down there. You need to find other mum friends. They might have groups for younger mums who are in the same position.

PositiveProton · 03/04/2018 21:01

Some of the most incredible people that I admire and helped me turn my life around had fallen hard before they "made it." Their faces were ground right into the ground. Joy Mangano, Sylvester Stallone, Tony Robbins, Duncan Bannatyne, Sara Blakely, Michelle Mone, JK Rowling.

I recommend you watch Joanne Rowling's documentary about her life on YouTube. Every time I watch it, I cry. Her speech at Harvard is also incredible.

There is no such thing as failure. Sometimes life pushes you down a different path because it knows you are destined for more. All you have to do is find the strength to push on and dream of something bigger.

When you feel like you have been buried, maybe you've just been planted...Bloom.

PositiveProton · 03/04/2018 21:10

Here:

UpOver · 04/04/2018 10:22

*PositiveProton
*
You really are a positive proton ☺️

Original poster
princesspxx · 04/04/2018 13:43

Thank you everyone Flowers I’m feeling better today x

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 04/04/2018 13:51

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. It will get better! It's horrible to have so many things/people seem to go wrong all at once like that. It's not a nice phase of your life to cope with but it will get better, and soon you'll have your precious bundle. Trust me, as soon as you are out and about with your new baby you will meet so many new people, and make some lifelong friendships. Go to as many baby/toddler groups as you can so you don't feel isolated. Maybe there are some antenatal classes you could go to now? Wishing you luck!

Original poster
princesspxx · 04/04/2018 22:49

@MumofBoysx2 I’ve booked on for some antenatal classes Smile and my cousins invited me to a playgroup once baby’s here! X

OP posts:
bionicnemonic · 04/04/2018 22:56

can I just suggest that you don't sound 'too' grateful to your BF, some people when faced with gratitude can get a bit either arrogant about how great they are, or start to think that if you're so grateful it must be unusual. Its his baby too, its great he's supporting you - but you'd do it for him, so maybe just be more neutral and steady?

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