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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my dad a tight CF?

23 replies

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 16:18

My dad’s come to visit for the afternoon/evening from a few hours away, he’s staying overnight in a nearby b&b and leaving tomorrow. He’d asked if I could make dinner for him so I bought some food to cook.

I messaged him this morning saying I’ve come down with a nasty chesty infection and therefore sorry but could we stay in this afternoon rather than go out for a walk or whatever. And that I had bought stuff for dinner but no dessert.

I’ve spent the day waiting for him, feeling like utter crap and having to run around after 21 month old dd regardless, obviously (I’m single so can’t delegate that unfortunately). He was meant to get here around lunchtime but decided to have a rest at the b&b first for a few hours so has only just arrived. Before he got here he texted asking if I need anything from the supermarket, to which I gratefully said I’d love some fresh orange juice.

Anyway he’s here now, has presented me with one of those tiny individual bottles of Tropicana, and is eating the huge salad pot that he bought at the supermarket. At 4pm. He’s handed me the individual yoghurt he’s bought himself for dessert, to put in the fridge. He’s just asked me what time I usually have dinner, I replied ‘about 7’ and he’s said he probably won’t be hungry then.

Is he a tight CF given that I’m ill, was preparing to make him a meal despite feeling like shit and simultaneously looking after a toddler, which he now won’t eat (the meal not the toddler), and I might have liked some dessert too? I’m also expected to run around making hot drinks etc!

AIBU to take some paracetamol, go to bed and bloody leave him to it?!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 03/04/2018 16:19

YADNBU.

Piffle11 · 03/04/2018 16:43

My DParents stay with my sibling a couple of times a year: they pop to the local shops a few times during their stay, and return with one newspaper and one pastry - for my DF (DM doesn't eat pastries, or i'm sure they'd buy just the 2). No thought for the other 4 people in the house ... and they once had a fall out with a group of friends for doing the same thing when they were all on holiday in a shared cottage. They just think of themselves, and your DF sounds the same. Unfortunately some people need things spelling out for them.

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 16:47

I shouldn’t really be surprised, this is the same man who came to visit when I was on my own with newborn dd and took himself off to have dinner on his own in a restaurant when I said I couldn’t really come out with her late in the evening. No thought to maybe get a takeaway for us both?

OP posts:
HildaZelda · 03/04/2018 17:39

YANBU. Your father is being very selfish.

Motoko · 03/04/2018 17:58

Yeah, he sounds like a tight arse. If you'd been my daughter and I was visiting, I'd have come round early to look after you and my grandchild. I'd have bought you a litre carton of OJ, plus some other bits that I thought you might like, and I would have offered to either cook the dinner, or get a takeaway.

Mind you, considering his tightness, I'm surprised that he paid for a B&B, instead of staying for free at yours.

Hope you get well soon. Flowers

Movablefeast · 03/04/2018 18:01

God some people are so clueless and selfish!

Katedotness1963 · 03/04/2018 18:10

Could he not have treated you to a takeaway seeing as you're ill? I don't know if he's a CF, but he's definitely thoughtless.

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 18:18

Thank you! The only reason he doesn’t stay over is because I don’t have a proper bed for him and I’ve stopped giving up mine! The paracetamol has started working now anyway and dd has decided to be angelically well-behaved this evening so I’m feeling a bit better Smile

OP posts:
GrannyGrissle · 03/04/2018 18:23

Poor you OP Flowers My parents are the total opposite and convinced we have no food/food shops where i live and always stock us up/come loaded with food and wine and constantly try to feed us up. I'd clear off to bed and leave him to bond with his GC the tight git.

DeathStare · 03/04/2018 18:23

Stop making him hot drinks. If he's thirsty point out where the kettle is and tell him "mine's tea no sugar" (or whatever it is!) Oh and eat his yoguhurt then thank him for bringing it for you Grin

Movablefeast · 03/04/2018 19:16

Deathstare love it! Grin

Gide · 03/04/2018 19:25

Mine would fetch drinks etc. He’s tight or extremely thoughtless and I’d have words.

Lacucuracha · 03/04/2018 19:27

Ah, well, maybe one day you will inherit the piles of cash he is too tight to spend? Grin

But seriously, he is a bit tight, but presumably the food you cooked can be eaten tomorrow for lunch instead?

Well done for reclaiming your bed.

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 19:32

I don’t really like yoghurt and certainly wouldn’t count one as a dessert Grin

He’s gone now, dd is almost asleep and I’m looking forward to a bath and bed.

It’ll be happening all over again this time next month! Wish me luck!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/04/2018 19:34

But he is meant to be your guest. I don't think I'd bother visiting if I had to stay in a B&B and get my own meals.

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 19:39

viviennemary I live in a one bed flat and there is no bed for him, hence his choice to sleep in a b&b rather than on the floor. And where have I said he had to get his own meals? I bought food for him and he decided he didn’t want it Confused

OP posts:
bluebell1981 · 03/04/2018 19:42

YANBU, he's being a selfish arse. Reminds me of when a close relative visited me the day after I got out of hospital with a newborn after a traumatic labour ending in EMCS, with some sausage rolls. For themselves - I'm vegetarian. Then proceeded to ask me to heat them up, fetch ketchup etc. AngryAngry

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 19:44

bluebell that’s awful. What is wrong with some people?!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/04/2018 19:45

Yes I see the problem with your flat. It was annoying that he didn't turn up when he said he would. But it would have cost him money to travel and money for the B&B. Perhaps he is on a very tight budget. It's difficult really to comment without knowing any details. He does sound well shall we say 'hard to please'. Sorry I was quick to judge.

nicknamehelp · 03/04/2018 19:47

My fil stayed for Easter. He gladly accepted a share of kids Easter egg hunt hall (doesnt evem eat milk choc) accepted his easter eggs then declared he didnt buy any for the kids 🤔

Cloudsclouds · 03/04/2018 19:47

viviennemary that’s ok! He’s not on a tight budget, it’s just his personality I’m afraid Grin but yes I appreciate he travelled to see me, and get accommodation etc.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 03/04/2018 19:53

It sounds grim but... he's always been like this and he isn't going to change. So the only thing you can do is be prepared for him to be exactly like this, and try to make sure that it doesn't have any bad effects on you ie you have enough food in for yourself and DC anyway. Appreciate you couldn't predict getting ill, though.

whataboutbob · 03/04/2018 19:53

It reminds me of the time dad came to stay with me and my newborn because I was begging for help, then proceeded to just camp there, create messes I had to clear up, use my flat as a crash pad while gallivanting around town. I don’t think he could cope with being a grandfather and me having another person to look after ( he was widowed when I was in my 20s). I must admit I lost my temper around day three.

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