To not want to be bridesmaid for my sister

[HayHoe]

She’s lovely and we get on well, although not massively close, and she wants me and my other sister to be bridesmaids (as well as a bunch of her friends) and wear a dress I’ll look awful in and pay half for it. I’m in my 30s with lots of kids including a new baby. Would it be awful if I just said I don’t want to do it? Our other sister is happy to do it but she doesn’t have kids.

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Tell her you're very excited about the wedding, but would prefer to do a reading or something else and just enjoy her special day.

She should be paying for the dress if she wants her bridesmaids to be wearing them, btw. She has too many BMs if she can't afford to do so...

YANBU just say you don’t feel comfortable in a long dress and you suffer social anxiety so it would be best for you to be able to fade into the background. Best be honest now. Being asked to be bridesmaid is nice but you aren’t obligated

My oldest sister didn't want to be my bridesmaid and we are very close. I understood her reasons why and I was fine with it.

"Lovely offer but I'll be too busy keeping the DC under control"

Just tell her that you wouldn't feel happy doing it as you are not a 'maid'..:)
Could you take on some kind of 'best woman' role?

My DSis had me as a bridesmaid for her first wedding. The marriage was disastrous (abusive) and they split up 2 years later. The second time round she wanted completely different bridesmaids so wouldn't be asking me. I understood absolutely.

Just talk to your sister, she'll understand. You have a lot on your hands with all your DCs and your baby.

My Dd was asked to be a bridesmaid and didn't want to for various reasons, partly the dress, partly the "exciting" plan involving her spending the preceding day and night with her rather unpleasant cousin and some adults she didn't know doing bridesmaid things - I said no on her behalf. Family were unimpressed and thought it was me being awkward, they couldn't believe a pre teen girl didn't want to be a bridesmaid. She didn't though.

Just say thanks for the offer but no, you really don't want to, you have enough reasons and some to spare!

@hayhoe i was bridesmaid for my sister in my late 30s and regret it. i felt too much was put on me (her other bridesmaids were friends who did fuck all and it was easier for her to boss me around) and didnt enjoy the day. Dress was fine but just not something I would want to repeat. Also she paid for the dress but I had to pay £90 for alterations on my dress and for my shoes (specific colour) and neither will get worn again. Im sure she would understand if you bowed out.

I didn't want to be a bridesmaid for my sister - luckily, she knew this already and told me she understood. She had three friends as bridesmaids instead, all of whom did a much better job than I ever could.

Totally fine to not want to be a bridesmaid. Not all women are overjoyed at the thought of being part of a wedding

Tell her you want to sit with the kids to make sure they don't run wild. If she has friends and your other sister if for the bridesmaid gig I am sire she will understand.

Tell her her you are worried about boob leakage in the photos tonreallybseal your fate.

I wasn't bridesmaid for either of my younger sisters as I had children! Surely the whole point of the bridesmaid is that she is well, a maid!! A married woman or mother should be a matron of honour! Or am I very old fashioned?!!!

Neither of my sisters were in the slightest bit offended btw

Thanks for replies. Time to woman up and stand up for myself!