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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How often does your not liven partner message you?

24 replies

Auntieaunt · 03/04/2018 12:11

I've never been a fan of messaging or phones in general. I the kind of person who loves when people randomly drop by or even call me for a chat. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months now and while he's slowly learning that my phone isn't always in my hand, he still doesn't get it.

The other day I was meeting up with an old friend from uni, I had already spoke to him that we were planning on going for lunch, shopping, dinner and then a few drinks later on. throughout the day I got 'how's the girls day going?', 'are you girls having fun?', 'what are you up to now?' '???' '.....' 'I know you like chinese but do you want it this week' ' 'guess i'll just leave you girls to it' 'wuu2?' - We snapchat so he could see the general time lapse of the day.

When i'm having real life conversations with people I like to keep my phone in my bag and quite honestly I just forget about it. My ex boyfriend was very much like this too so now i'm starting to wonder if it's just me. He's currently on holiday and I'm wanting him to stop messaging me as it's just pointless string of 'wuu2' all. day. long.

OP posts:

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 03/04/2018 12:13

'Live in' even.

OP posts:

SnowiestMountain · 03/04/2018 12:15

Ugh, that would annoy me massively too! Shouts clingy, insecure & too needy!

tsonlyme · 03/04/2018 12:16

Several times a day usually but if he knows I’m busy or with a friend he tends to leave me alone until I let him know I’m free.
He never sends pointless ‘what are you up to’ messages (& never text speak 😂) anyway and finds something to make me laugh or something that will interest me.

I’d bin this one if I were you OP, he doesn’t seem to have much of a life to be getting on with.

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2018 12:20

That's really annoying; possibly controlling
I think you shld end it

mindutopia · 03/04/2018 12:20

My dh and I are married and obviously live together now. But when we were dating we were long distance (different countries, saw each other every few months). Even then I'd say we messaged daily, but it wasn't like constant all day because we're both busy and had things going on. Usually when we were free each day we'd chat back and forth about our day, but there was no expectation that the other would be constantly available all day or night. Particularly when we were working or with friends, yes, totally normal to not reply. I hate when people are constantly on their phones as well.

I would only really expect him to be in regular contact and replying quickly now when one of us is away because we have two dc and we need to coordinate about them or check they are okay, etc. It does sound clingy and insecure and like he's checking up on you when it's that constant and you're only dating.

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 03/04/2018 12:22

We see each other maybe 3 times a week, with maybe one or two sleep overs. We also work together so we see each other there too. When we're together he's great but it;s just when we're apart he drives me insane with these messages. I've told him and told him but I think because he's got an apple watch he doesn't understand that not everyone wants to be contactable 24/7.

OP posts:

chestylarue52 · 03/04/2018 15:37

I started seeing a man like this last year, I ended up finishing with him because of it.

We used whatsapp so he could always see if I’d read his message and would accuse me of ‘leaving him on read for hours’ even though I was busy or at work or with friends or asleep or just plain busy.

Cue another message ‘are you ok’ ‘can I just ask is it something I’ve done’ ‘ok fine I’ll just leave you alone’ if I didn’t reply within the day. It was just too much for me and would end up panicking me and making me feel like I’d done something wrong.

My current lover is more relaxed we don’t use whatsapp, only text, and then only to arrange to meet up or talk on the phone

HollowTalk · 03/04/2018 15:39

Does he really write "wuu2"? It took me ages to figure out what that meant!

Snowjoker · 03/04/2018 15:42

LTB

NorthernKnickers · 03/04/2018 22:42

I can't even work out what wuu2? means! So on that basis alone I'd have to LTB 😂 (seriously...this incessant childish clinginess would drive me fucking insane!! Bin him off!!) And referring to you and your female friends as 'girls'? Really? 🙄

UterusUterusGhali · 03/04/2018 22:49

I guess it depends on the couple.

I've been with my boyfriend nearly 6 years and it's loads. I just counted 100 today before I got bored of counting plus we spoke for 1/2 hour.
However if we were with other people we'd not bother each other at all. Maybe a "hope you're having fun, goodnight ".

If it's too much for you then you need to address that. Sounds a bit creepy.

PookieDo · 03/04/2018 22:53

We used to message a lot but 2 years in (not living together) we don’t message very much anymore. Usually a phone call in the evening and that’s it.
I would hate this feeling of claustrophobia

HateTheDF · 03/04/2018 23:02

My DP and I live together now but before that we were in a long distance relationship. I'd hear from him once in the morning saying have a good day and he'd give me a call in the evening.

DarthLipgloss · 03/04/2018 23:15

today we woke up together, met after work for cinema went home to each other's houses about 9pm....69 messages and 3 half hour plus phone calls during the time we were apart. It's not going to be for everyone tho...

hmmwhatatodo · 03/04/2018 23:21

No. No way. Does he actually write wuu2? Texting to ask if you want Chinese this week?!?

Control freak in the making! Or maybe he’s 15 years old. Either way, tell him bye bye. I don’t think I could even be friends with someone who texted wuu2?

Idontdowindows · 03/04/2018 23:37

Well, he's a level 92 Clinger that's for sure

NellyTimes · 03/04/2018 23:42

I got chatting to a bloke that I met at an event once, agreed to a date, but he bombarded me with these kind of messages so much that I had to ditch him before we'd even been on the date. He drove me fucking mad! Same kind of messages (wuu2, that kind of shit). I'd be at work all morning and when I got to my phone at lunch, he had sent me messages via text, WhatsApp, Facebook and twitter. It's too needy for me, knocked it on the head before it got worse.

Bambamber · 04/04/2018 01:04

Before my husband and I moved in together we would message at regular intervals throughout the day. So on a workday would send a quick message before work, then at lunch, then mid afternoon then after work. If not at work then every few hours or so. If either of us was busy, especially with friends, then we wouldn't be messaging. Normally have a courtesy message along the lines of 'off out now, will message you when home' and that was that. I would find it rude if with friends and they spent their time on the phone

T2517 · 04/04/2018 02:01

I message my boyfriend more than he messages me and I do text without replies to the pervious ones but only because I know he’ll look at them when he can and text back (normally it’s stuff like “omg I just ate a really nice jacket potato” so hardly urgent.) when I’m out and about he might send a couple of texts saying hope you have a nice time etc but I normally text him if people go to the loo or whatever to keep myself busy. I’m not clingy I’m just a chatterbox and I have no filter on my thoughts though.

Cavender · 04/04/2018 02:31

Dear Lord that would drive me to distraction!

I do have an Apple Watch and I still wouldn’t ignore a friend sitting in front of me to respond to such inanity.

It’s so incredibly needy.

Not very attractive IMO.

mumgointhroughtorture · 04/04/2018 03:22

I found the term "girls" a bit much , like he was trying to sound interested but it does sound like he was being needy at best and controlling . Like he wanted to interrupt your time with your friend.

Maybe you need a chat and you will tell him whilst you're with your friend you won't be acknowledging his msgs but you will answer once you are done.

I only ever look at my phone if I go to the loo or perhaps if the other person is at the bar or out having a fag and I get 5 mins to myself otherwise my attention is on my friend.

Is he like this generally ? Or just when you are with a friend or this friend in particular ?

Original poster

Auntieaunt · 04/04/2018 08:42

He is very needy but it's only really apparent over text/we're apart.

I've tried to explain that I'm not a huge Fan of my phone and he is getting better. Last night when I got home from work (9pm as I've been working miles away), he called and spoke about our day and plans for the next few days. He left the phone call asking me if I'm going to answer his texts tonight... I explained that we had spoke about everything, I was going to fall asleep Infront of the TV and he should enjoy his night out. It's embarrassing when he asks me 'wuu2' and three hours later I'm still watching Netflix.

Sounds like neither of us is the norm which is interesting.

OP posts:

orangesmartieseggs · 04/04/2018 08:48

Do you think it's possibly a bit of insecurity? I mean, if he's used to people who text back straight away/constantly and you don't, he might find that a bit weird and maybe it makes him feel a bit uncertain.

But you do see him a lot. I'm not sure I could cope with working with someone who I then had to text constantly when we were apart. I would stick to your guns - reply when you want and leave it otherwise. It might just be that you're different in terms of communication and it needs some getting used to!

ShatnersWig · 04/04/2018 09:02

How old are you both?

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