To wish my family made more of an effort with my kids

[Gingerninj]

I'm positive my mum has favourites when it comes to her grandchildren. She has 8 grandchildren all together, 3 of them being mine. I really noticed the other day how left out they are, my nieces and nephews get gifts throughout the year whilst my children might get something on their birthday or christmas. They were hardly acknowledged by my siblings and yet I'm always doing things for their kids. My mum told me I need to control my youngest two because they started arguing. Well it was hardly arguing since my youngest can't form a sentence yet. My DH's family are the complete opposite, perhaps because they're the only grandchildren my parents in law have. My SIL lives in London but comes up as often as she can, my DS has a little sleep over with my MIL and SIL last night and had an absolute blast. I understand my mum has a lot of grandchildren and doesn't have all the time in the world but I just wish they could be a bit more included in the family. I want to talk to her about it but I don't want this to cause an argument.

Unfortunately you can't force anyone to like your children :( My MiL loved my eldest, who took after her side of the family, didn't like the younger one who took after me. Younger one didn't care. This will matter to you more than it does to your DC, as children can always sense what adults feel about them, and don't want to have anything to do with elderly relations who're not keen. You're lucky with your in-laws.

Its a horrible feeling isnt it.
My family is the same.
My parents have 7 GC but the eldest ( sisters dd) is treated completely different. Stays every weekend, taken out. Bought gifts etc.
My dd's 8 & 5 have never been invited.
They have never even babysat.
I have mentioned it but am told its their time and money to do what they want with.
My eldest has noticed and doesnt really like visiting and has started to resent DN and GP'S .
Unfortunatley there isnt alot you can do .
How would your mum react to you talking about it?
You are lucky to have such good in-laws. Your children will know as adults who put the time and effort in and will appreciate it .x

It's hurtful. My DH's parents are like this. It is abundantly clear who the favourite gc are; my dc are expected to just 'play with' the younger baby cousins at ILs' house. The younger gc have piles of toys that were never provided for our dc and no toys for older children are provided.

My DH and DC find it incredibly stressful. I know we cannot force the relationship and any perceived criticism to my IL leads to all sorts of problems.

The best thing to do is to reiterate how much you love your dc and to let them make the most of time with their other grandparents. If you feel that your relationship is otherwise good then why not invite your mum along to things regularly and do your best to create opportunities for positive interactions. Yes, it's annoying you have to do the leg-work but think of it as for your DC rather than for her. As the PP said, your children will understand the situation better as they grow up.