To miss my friend

[whythefuss]

Hi all, not sure if the response I will get here but maybe this could give me some perspective on the situation.

A very close friend has moved abroad to a country that isn't really suitable for visitors, for a year. I miss her so much but we message to keep in touch. I'm really thrilled for her as it's a great opportunity. My friend has said that she plans to come back but I know obviously plans can change. I'm not usually a needy person but I suffered with PND after having DC, this friend was there for me, every single step.

Another friend in the friendship group, keeps telling me that she won't come back, that she'll love it so much that she'd stay. She even said "she's having an adventure, she's not going to come back just for you". For context, this other friend is known to be very tactless and often offends people when she speaks/ is drunk.
Ironically, I'm not usually very emotional but she is, so this has affected me more than I expected.

Aibu to miss my friend? I've never mentioned about coming back to my friend, all my messages have only been to find out how she is doing.

What country is suitable for people to move to but not suitable for visitors?

Of course you can miss your friend. Why can’t you visit?

Sorry didn't want to be too specific but she moved for her job to be in a country that is currently unstable.

Of course it's not unreasonable to miss your friend, they are just as important to us as family and in some cases more so. Can you skype her?

Of course you can miss your friend.
I'm a bit puzzled as to why your other friend thinks it's an 'adventure' and somewhere your friend will like to stay, but you think the place your friend has moved to is 'unstable'. Those are very differing views. Have you asked your friend about safety and visiting? She is on the ground so will know more about whether it's safe or not.

So hoping she would come back due to safety as well. But didn't want to be selfish

So hoping she would come back due to safety as well. But didn't want to be selfish

I think I feel like the other friend is saying "get over it" anytime I mention her.
Other friend might think it's an adventure as the organisation she is working for could post her to different areas.

Of course you miss your friend. But maybe use this situation to widen your circle of friends a bit. In very different circumstances I also "lost" (fell out with) a really good friend, who in hindsight maybe I over relied on. I was very upset at the time but it's actually been good for me eventually. It made me widen my circle of friends and accept social invitations I probably wouldn't have bothered with before and I've ended up making new friends and seeing more people socially. It was sad for a while but a good thing really in the end. I'm also still friends with the original friend as we resolved the situation somewhat though it's different to how it was. But it's a good thing to be open to different friendships and I know how things have ended up is better really.

Your other friend could be jealous of your friendship, or she could be hurt that you don't seem to be happy in her company without your friend. If you like her then maybe arrange some things to do together that you would enjoy - cinema/lunches etc and try to focus on her during that time. If you think she's just being unkind then seek out the company of others.

Why don't you skype her? I moved overseas & I regularily skype my close friends or set up skype dates with them to catch up! We have a whatsapp group which we're all in, they tell me all the news/gossip from home!

Also, your friend could either be upset because you don't value her friendship & keep talking about the other one.
Or maybe you just need to find a friend who is new and refreshing, sometimes a new friend is good!

Moving countries is really really hard. Even if you move to a great place, make lots of friends and do lots of fun things. It’s still really hard, particularly to start with.

Perhaps look at it this way, your friend help support you with PND, this is a way you can give back, because maintaining links to Home (even with email and FaceTime) can be hard work.

We moved out to the USA also temporarily. We also had friends and family members going on about how we'd love it so much we’d definitely want to stay forever.

But that’s not how it works. The company moved my DH for a specific bit of work, when it’s done we’re going home.

We love it out here and have made loads of friends however I have still really valued the support my best friends at home have given me by email, FaceTime and WhatsApp.

Both DH and I have lost close friends since we’ve been here. People who don’t ever reply to messages and haven’t ever contacted us while we’ve been here. Those friendships are never going to recover from our point of view.

I know British people out here who have ended up staying forever, nevertheless they all really value the friends who help keep their links to home.

In the end, you aren’t unreasonable to miss your friend, I’m sure she misses you too. Your cheery support will be invaluable to her. Ignore other friend, she’s borrowing trouble.

My lovely friend in the UK (who I know really misses us) was commenting on how quickly our time here has gone in - and we’ve been here for years. A year will be gone before you know it.