Rubbish OH

[Cheerios88]

So my partner didn't get me a gift for my 29th birthday and I was fine with it, if not a bit disappointed. I openly said to him - nevermind you can get me something really good for my 30th because that's a special one to me. So the year passes and he buys himself some expensive things (xbox one, ect) and I get excited because that must mean he/we are financially fine on his end and he must have planned something or prepared something thoughtful....

He bought me chocolates from tesco that I don't like... We've been together 11 years! He took the day off work with me (I work from home some days)... And didn't take me out or even suggest it. He barely said happy birthday. It's like being teased with the idea of doing something then not following through. When I said I felt let down he got angry and told me I was being silly. AIBU to be upset and not let it go?

Valentines day comes and he gets the kids chocolates but not me. Mothers day... Got my mum a plant... Easter... He got my mum some marzipan fruits and not me! I thought he'd make it up to me on the next occasion - just lunch out or something! An inexpensive but thoughtful gift! Something so I know he cares! Now I'm worried he doesn't!

Being taken for granted is the biggest switch off of all.

So I'm going to make a wild guess here that you want/have wanted to get married. Amd he doesn't, after 11 years and kids. And that causes an argument too, if you bring it up?

Motoko Tue 03-Apr-18 00:01:06
Words are easy, they don't take any effort, and he can lie.

He buys presents for other people, but not you. That's a very powerful statement to make to the person you supposedly love and cherish.

He doesn't want to admit what it means, that's why it always ends in an argument. He's trying to get you to shut up about it and just accept it.

Do you really want to stay with someone who thinks so little of you?

Exactly this! He's deliberately making you feel rubbish about yourself, and seems to be getting away with it just by saying "I love you" and "you're beautiful" as if that somehow makes up for treating you like crap. Words are cheap.

So stop celebrating his occasions. Either the gifts etc aren't important to him and he will pass no comment, or they are and he'll complain - in which case you can point out that as he never buys you anything you assumed that was what he preferred.

So my partner didn't get me a gift for my 29th birthday and I was fine with it

Why were you fine with it?

At the very least I would emotionally check out and stop getting him gifts. Ever.

Why have you set your expectations so low? He’s taking advantage of you.
You are worth more than this. Please have that argument fight for it, if it ends the relationship so be it, sounds like it’s over anyway.

Bloody hell I'd be FOAMING! My husband got me a pair of laboutins for my 30th! I was so shocked!

I tend to get him a few small bits and a night away.

Has he ever bought you a present? You hint that you've had money worries (although he did buy himself a frigging xbox) so could he be feeling embarassed that he cant afford a flashy present and so is deflecting on to you?