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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why she is upset.

20 replies

Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 20:34

So I have three siblings. We also have family who live overseas. Whenever they come to the UK they stay near or with my sis. Me and my brothers travel to meet them. All good.
So later this year they are coming over as I am celebrating my 40th with a party for family and friends. We are all staying in a nearby hotel. It should be fab
However sis has the hump because she wanted them to stay with her and travel up together.
Aibu to be getting a bit fed up as it feels like she is trying to monopolize them all the time.
Surely it makes sense for them to stay near me in the hotel by the function room.
Aibu to to be getting fed up of the drama.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 02/04/2018 20:37

Maybe she thinks that you 'monopolise' them, I don't know.
Just smile and wave. I mean, if they want to change their plans to suit her then I guess they will....or not.
Families are weird.

Emma198 · 02/04/2018 20:38

If they're already booked and it's a done deal then I'd just ignore her. Don't let it bother you.

MrsExpo · 02/04/2018 20:39

No, not U at all. Tell your DS that they may even enjoy their visit more staying in the hotel with other family and friends rather than being stuck with her all the time. That’s the whole point of a party, after all.

Cavender · 02/04/2018 20:44

But surely it’s nothing to do with you where they stay - it’s their choice.

We live in the US and travel home to visit. This kind of thing can make visits a nightmare. Guilt tripping is not a good way to encourage someone to spend time with you, take it from me.

Ignore your local sister. Don’t mention her grumps to the travelling sister but say how much you are looking forward to staying in the hotel together.

Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 21:00

Tbh I think she is jealous because this time I will be able to see them both nights and she will only have the night if the party.
She forgets that the last two times they came over she saw them the extra nights.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 02/04/2018 21:03

Perhaps she might book in to the hotel for an extra night, or they might travel back with her.

Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 21:03

I think that perhaps she had asked to them to stay when the party was first mentioned by dh. However it makes more sense for them to fly direct to the Airport closest to the party and my house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 21:05

We have suggested that she stays the extra night but she doesn't want to beause of cost. Just realised she is probably going to ask to stay with me the first night.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 02/04/2018 21:09

She's hard work .... and clearly has her own agenda known to only She..... forget about it.. let her fizz.... Flowers

JessicaJonesJacket · 02/04/2018 21:19

She told you why she's upset. She wanted them to stay near her. She probably thinks it doesn't upset you when it's the other way round. Not everyone gets upset by the same things.
Don't spend any more time thinking about it. Enjoy your birthday celebrations!

HeddaGarbled · 02/04/2018 21:21

Yes, I'm sure that you are right - it is because she will only see them at the party. And parties don't really give you the opportunity for a proper talk in the way that having visitors staying with you does.

It's your relatives choice to do whatever works best for them. But you can be understanding of your sister's disappointment.

Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 21:28

Yes it is a fairly short visit for them so this option is easier. I think she likes having house guests but I think they prefer to stay in a hotel as a treat and also not to inconvenience us.

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 21:53

Are their flights and hotel rooms all booked? Not much sis can do then! Smile

Why do you and your brothers travel to the relatives abroad but sis doesn't?

bunbunny · 02/04/2018 21:56

Get your excuses lined up now so if she does ask to stay beforehand, you can say straight off 'oh what a pity, if only you'd asked earlier but sorry existing plans means that's not going to be possible this time...' instead of being left stumbling and saying oh er um oh ... tumbleweed... oh er um I guess so... as can so easily happen (or is it just me that happens to?!?). And remember to practise saying it beforehand, lots Grin

gamerwidow · 02/04/2018 21:58

Do you get on with the sister who lives locally, if so why not just have her stay with you then the whole family can celebrate together.
Surely the more people you love celebrating your birthday with you the better.

Schlimbesserung · 02/04/2018 22:09

Is everything usually all about her or is she normally fairly reasonable?

Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 22:22

Ok. I think there may be some confusion. My sis who is upset lives about 150 miles from me. My brothers similar distances.
When my relatives come over from overseas they normally stay near or with my sis. So me and bros travel to see them
I rarely go abroad to see they as I have a young family but my siblings do.
We do get on well and could in theory put them up but it will complicate matters as I will have to be up early as we have multiple activities to take kids to and sis likes to stay up late.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lancasterex · 02/04/2018 22:25

I think she is fairly sensitive and take a things to heart perhaps more than me. I know I should make allowances and indeed will in rl but it is good to vent on here.

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 22:28

Oh I see. Gosh, is sis usually so petty? So mean to begrudge relatives staying with you for once.

Do you stay with her regularly? If yes, I would let her stay but tell her in advance you need an early night because of DC's activities so you can't stay up with her and she may get woken up inadvertently in the early morning.

hareagain · 02/04/2018 22:29

I think it's up to your relatives to decide where they stay Confused

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