To not want my children to go to my friends wedding ???

[NuttyMuffins]

My friend is getting married Aug 08 and I am one of her 6 bridesmaids.

When she asked me to be bridesmaid she said that my kids would of course be invited to the evening part of the wedding, and I told her there and then that I wouldn't be taking them.

As her bridesmaid, I am possibly going to have to stay at hers the night before the wedding, and I am also then planning to stay in the hotel on the night of the wedding. I don't live very far from the hotel at all, but I want to be able to relax and enjoy myself and so want to stay over.

My mum has already agreed to have the kids (i am a single parent) but now my friend and her mum are saying that it's such a shame I won't take the kids to the evening bit, as they'd have a nice time.

I feel really mean but I have never been a bridesmaid before, and I want to be able to enjoy it, and not have to chase Ds around the room, spend half the night on trips to and from the loo or have Dd2 sit like she is superglued to my lap. Plus as I would already be at the hotel, my mum would have to get the kids ready and my elder brother collect them and bring them to the hotel.

My friend asked me again the other day, and I repeated that I would not be taking them and was made to feel so mean, and she said she'd keep their names on the list anyway incase I change my mind.

So aibu ??

You are not unreasonable.
I NEVER take my kids to weddings I like to enjoy myself!

NuttyMuffins - you are totally right. You need some time alone and to enjoy yourself without running after the kids you need to be you, not mum for a few hours....Yes im sure they would have a great time, but would you?.

Does you friend have Kids????

I was at a friends wedding in April there and my Ds was invited but i left him at home with his Auntie, my other friend who also has a Ds took hers to the wedding and she had to leave at 7.00 to take him home. She did say to me a few days later that she had wished she had left him at home so she could have enjoy the day better!!!!!.

Stick to your guns and enjoy the day.....

YANBU, two of friends are getting married next year, we will take dd to the church for one of them but not to the rest of the wedding and as the other is having a civil ceremony so all day at one hotel she will not be attending any of it.

ooh pressure - I know exactly what you're on about and frankly I think you're being really brave/kind being her bridesmaid at all!
My best friend got married in 03, and my Ds was 8 weeks old. I nearly lost her friendship completely due to a similar situation.
She'd asked me to be a bridesmaid the previous autumn, just before I found out I was having a baby...obviously I said I wasn't sure if I'd be able to. She kept doing the same thing, saying she'd ask me nearer the time, etc. while I kept saying 'I don't think I can'. She just wasn't listening.
(BTW I live in East Kent, she;s in Shropshire so it would have meant a 300 mile trip to be bridesmaid for a day - with 8 weeks baby, and no partner either).
I didn't do it in the end, and right till the last few weeks she was on at me to 'make my mind up' when in fact I already had been telling her I couldn't do it for months.
She got really angry and said she cried the night before her wedding, it all seemed totally out of proportion IMO, she had loads of other bridesmaids and it was a huge do, plus we weren't in regular visiting contact anyway.
Eventually we managed to sort it out but it took about 2 years. I still don't get why I was so necessary...but she'd never had a baby and I suspect your friend will understand about your DC's if she ever does. That was what it took for us to see eye to eye again.
Don't take them, and be clear about it now, - it's really not a big deal for her but would be for you! Enjoy your night, I say!

We were the first in our circle of friends to get married and have kids.
When we were subsequently asked to their weddings they thought we were awful for not wanting to bring our children.
Now they have their own children - they understand why.
Unless children are really close family - better off at thome.
Your friend sounds a little - er - demanding btw.

YANBU

I would only bring my kids to a wedding if it was immediate family or the child was a flowergirl/pageboy - and I would still pack them off with their grandparents at around 9pm so I could enjoy the rest of the evening!

It's nice that she has invited them - if you hadn't had a babysitter it would've been a pain if they weren't invited.

But it's totally up to you if they go & if they don't. I think it's perfectly reasonable for them not to go. They probably wouldn't actually enjoy it as much as your friend thinks & you wouldn't be able to relax.

of course you;re not bein gunreasonable!

Your friend seems a bit pushy. I wouldn't imagine she'll look twice at your kids on her wedding day.

You go and enjoy yourself.

Is there going to be someone there she doesn't want you to get off with?