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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mothers don’t get better with age! Ranting !

16 replies

Sallybates · 02/04/2018 16:58

Can’t believe how difficult I find my mums visit. I can’t breathe properly, my brain kicks into reptilian mode. Ridiculous as I’m over 60 and she is in her late 80s.
Try not to respond to her numerous comments which demonstrate what a racist, spiteful snob she is. She is constantly critical , not only of me but also of my sister and her family who are facing significant challenge in their life. Sometimes she makes an attempt to be pleasant and has a very high view of her self. She is rude. Her behaviour over the years has been selfish and hurtful to many family members. They are now dead. As the last one standing she now reinvents history putting herself at the centre of everything.

Everything is criticised - new lamps, young people using computers, her Polish cleaner.
Opinionated, resentful of the young, intolerant of the needy!
After 4 days of her over the Bank Holiday I’m so relieved to be taking her home tomorrow. Have picked her up from London, driven her to the Midlands. Taken her shopping, out for meals, to Antique centres !
Difficult to stand up to someone approaching 90 so a bullying mentality is not confronted!
Roll on Tuesday evening.

OP posts:
OnTheRise · 02/04/2018 17:12

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant. Why do you have her to visit? I wouldn't.

Yogagirl123 · 02/04/2018 17:16

Deep breaths OP and Flowers for you, I know exactly what you mean! Nearly Tuesday.

NancyDonahue · 02/04/2018 17:17

She sounds exhausting, op. Can you visit her in future so you can cut the visit short when it gets too much, or just go for the day.

We have a similar family member (not my mum) and I can't stand more than a couple of hours in her company. We stick to Birthdays and Christmas only.

pencilhoarder · 02/04/2018 17:49

Ugh, I have two of these (PIL). Old age takes some people badly, and depression and anxiety are quite common, although that it not helping you, OP.

Why does her age mean you can't stand up to her? You need get out of the rut of some of your learned behaviour and stop trying to get her approval, e.g. doing the activities which are probably a nightmare with her in tow.

Take a new approach, be positive and lead the conversation sometimes. Are you fond of gin? Grin

Very well done for getting through it so far, it's almost Tuesday now. Flowers

Sallybates · 02/04/2018 17:58

Thank you! Great to have the opportunity to get it off my chest whilst gritting my teeth at home!

OP posts:
jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 02/04/2018 18:10

When I was growing up, I'd heard that people mellow with age but my mum has done the opposite and become even more racist, nasty, abusive... than ever before.

I have been NC with her for 17 years and it's been fabulous. My kids have never met her and are untainted by her abusive ways which is a massive win.

BaldricksTrousers · 02/04/2018 18:13

As the neural connections in our brain degrade naturally, our happiness receptors don't work as well, so the stereotype of the grumpy older person isn't always too far off.

Just keep telling yourself that!!

Sallybates · 02/04/2018 18:15

Sadly I think I’m too conditioned to support her. Shouldn’t be I know, family members treat her with humour and disregard her outrageous behaviour.

OP posts:
speakout · 02/04/2018 18:16

I totally sympathise.

My mother (84) lives with us.
She worships Donald trump, hates homosexuals, is racist, despises feminism, deeply religious, teetotal ( and judges others for not being so).

Tistheseason17 · 02/04/2018 18:17

My Dad was always a socialist with fab values, working in Europe etc

Old age has made him racist and xenophobic.

Very bizarre how this happened and how he changed.

I am worried my brain may do this to me when I am old.

WellThisIsShit · 02/04/2018 18:18

Oh I get you! I should really go ‘no contact’ with my mother if judged by the pure amount of pain she brings and the hideousness that it is enduring her visits!

Except there are reasons I feel I simply gave to endure it and I am as low contact as I can possibly be, and that’s it really.

But, Lordy, the pain of the visit! And how slow is the clock?

I can easily bite my lip through any number of difficult situations, but put my mother anywhere near me and I have no resilience whatsoever, it’s very frustrating!

Soooo, lots of sympathy! Just take it one minute at a time. Haven’t exploded in the last minute? Bravo! Try and spend the next 30 seconds congratulating yourself, and then you only have half a minute more to bear!

Good luck...

Ophelialovescats · 02/04/2018 18:18

I have an elderly aunt who is a judgemental ,bigoted old cow .
We finally cut her out of our lives when she 'objected ' to my daughter 's girlfriend suggested to them that they look into the 'gay cure' .
My extended family think I am overreacting and should tolerate her because she us old.
No way ....she is dumped !!

Sallybates · 02/04/2018 22:08

So I’ll end up the same? This is my fear!

OP posts:
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 02/04/2018 22:12

I was NC with DM for 8 years, in that time she's become horribly judgemental and seems to have forgotten that I'm a grown up with 4 DC.

Sallybates · 03/04/2018 07:26

This has helped me so much! I’m not alone and will keep teeth gritting!
Thank you all!

OP posts:
ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 03/04/2018 07:36

‘‘Tis the season

Personality changes like that can be an indicator of something sinister. Has he seen a doctor?

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