To think my worth is based in a relationship??

[MoreMoneyMoreProblems]

How can I change how I think??

When I'm single, I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. Like I've faded into the background.

I don't feel happy unless I'm in a content and loving relationship. It's as if I've got no purpose in life whilst single.

I'm obsessed with finding someone, I latch on when I develop feelings & an constantly scared of rejection.

I know the above isn't healthy but I don't know how to change it.

I just need advise, I'm scared il be like this for life.

Do you have other things in your life? Friends, family, occupation, interests?

Because society is geared to make you think like that. And you are here, hanging about on mumsnet, where most posters will have DP's and talk about them. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Try and get out and about and do some things that don't focus on having someone. Meet some single friends. That sort of thing.

I haven't got anything going on in my life.

No hobbies, no interest, not even any friends.

I just don't want to go out or do anything. Unless I have to. It's like I can't find anything that interests me enough.

I surround myself with men, I go on dates a lot, I enjoy getting to know people with a view to a relationship.

I'm so sad & pathetic

The thing is, if you have nothing else in your life, even when you do have a romantic partner, you'll put way too much pressure on them to make your life fulfilling.

That's how I ruin all relationships. I'm far too invested, I push them away because I expect too much.

I'm desperate to change how I view life.

Have you tried therapy?

You're not. A lot of people are like that so don't beat yourself up. Just try and take very small steps, one at a time to do something which isn't based around men. Even just meeting a girlfriend for coffee might be a start. But you are not pathetic

I'm desperate to have something else in my life, something that gets me up & out. Something I cannot wait for.

To take my mind off dating

Read up about codependence, should be helpful

How old are you op?
Do you have a job you like ?

Do you have children? Is your yearning for a relationship connected to wanting children ?

Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

Concentrate on building a fulfilling life for yourself and feeling fulfilled and happy as a person. Join Meetup, join a club and concentrate on being truly happy on your own. Then look for a relationship because you want one not need one. A lot of people feel the same way as you it's nothing to be ashamed of but if you concentrate on yourself then you're in such a better position to meet people and have a healthy relationship

I'm late 20's, I've one child but their father isn't around.

I had this fairytale ending about raising my child happily with my ex, when I gave birth alone, it ruined my whole world.

I'm now desperate to meet someone who can share with me the life I always wanted

Oh op. You are really making yourself an easy target for some really unsavoury men here. They will tell you all you want to hear then once they have you, all will change.

Put it this way - would you want to go out with you? If you asked you what do you like to do, would you be interested in your answer?

Could you try some of the following:
Craft (crochet, baking, painting etc)
Sport (self explanatory)
Volunteering (food bank, youth groups, cleaning community,)
Church community
Book club/movie club

You need to like you. Then if a man comes along he can compliment that and if he doesn’t, well what of it, you like yourself!

NotTaken has it spot on. If you have no interests, what do you talk about when a date asks you what you like to do?

Is this a relatively new thing, or have you always been like it? Did you have friends before you had a child?

Why don't you look up what MeetUp groups are in your area, and pick one to go along to. Give it a few weeks before deciding if it's for you.

What about a book group, or a knit and natter, or stitch and bitch group? Clandestine Cake Club? A walking group? An exercise class? Revisit something you used to enjoy when you were a kid?
There are all sorts of things you could try, and having something to look forward to, will give you a reason to want to go out.

How old is your child, could you do something together?

The thing is, nobody can wave a magic wand for you, you have to do this yourself, and when you love yourself, you won't need validation from anybody else, so you'll be more likely to find a meaningful relationship.

I swear you are me.

I've found something I'm good at and have a project in mind that I can work on. I haven't got all the skills for the project so it gives me something to learn and focus on.

Is there anything you can learn to do?

Also, start saying yes to things. If people at work are going on a night out, bite the bullet and go. Or if your child is young and you're not working, go out to the park or soft play and make an effort to chat to other parents there.

You are worth more than the sum of a relationship, OP and you'll find that what you want could have a suffocating effect on someone who is less than 100% committed from the outset. I've known one or two people who feel like you, and I've watched them waste the best years of their lives being emotional doormats in pursuit of the unattainable.

So: enough with the excuses, try different things, focus on small but realistic life goals and make an effort to develop platonic relationships that are healthier for you than intense romantic affiliations that are inevitably short-lasting and unfulfilling.

stitch and bitch group

Sounds. Like. Heaven.

Have you ever tried mindfulness? When I first tried I thought it was a load of crap but stuck with it, and now helps keep me change my thought pattern to an extent when needed

NotTaken, perfect advise!

Do I like me?? Nope I hate who I am, how I am and how miserable I come across. People find me intimidating but I don't mean to be!

I seriously need hobbies, I need to be busy. I desperately miss my job. I did look into volunteering today to give me something to look good on my cv for when I do go back to work.

I just want to love me, I want to look at the world the way others do. Some say I've been miserable from birth and it scares me to think that might be true.

I've got friends but have always made excuses not to see them when they've made an effort, something I feel absolutely awful for.

Since going on mat leave, I feel like I've lost all sense of purpose and routine. Like my days are dragging and I can't wait to go to bed.

I've started overeating again. It's the only thing I'm passionate about, something I never get bored of!

Group settings terrify and overwhelm me yet I'm
The most sociable person! How is that even possible??

I'm scared my ds who is 1, will grow up with my miserable outlook on life and rely on a relationship to validate them.