How to like my in laws more

[kittycat84]

Help me finds ways to enjoy spending time with my pil?
I've tried! Honesty! It's just hard, I'm never rude or impolite to then, but I just find it all so draining, I use to have more energy in the beginning and could "fake" it but this last year I'm worn out, and think nope! The only way I can describe them is very sober!
There's not much fun, no laugher, energy! There not nasty or spiteful , mean well , but .. sorry to say it, soo boring, mil loves to worry, and then loves to put that worry on you, tries to tell me things on the sly that my hubby wouldn't like somthing, ( we've been married 10 years) , like if I want to plan a day out, or a trip)
I don't want to not like his parents, but I've not energy for a conversation! In the last 12 years! We've never just watched a film! The tv even gets turned off at Christmas, they don't want to play any games and just want to drink water! I just want to relax! We work so hard! and I just want to be able to have abit of fun, where just about to have a baby, and i wonder how it will be with them, they do live local, help me! I don't want my hubby to think I don't want to spend time with his folks, he knows what there like but he's just use to it xx

To answer OP though, going out is an excellent idea as it gives everybody something to talk about.

@BlueAnchor

Same here for 14 years just sat at crap food controlled bbqs, boring meals. Nothing distinctive happened in that time.

We have to sit, whilst fil drums up praise for mils plain food. Every single thing I say gets a.. Negative oh but from Mil. Fil can only talk on very limited topics.

But I could forgive so much however.. It's how they act android talk, the tone is always negative to us like naughty four year old who don't get it, always coming at every topic as though they are better and morally superior.
With mine though dh not like them barely likes them.. Had a many more issues..

stayanotherday It used to be constant TV at MIL's, FIL was a flicker, searching for something to watch, complaining there was "nothing on", but still watching! Then MIL got rid of the TV (and became an anti-TV person, criticising anyone who ever mentioned a TV programme) and they sat in silence or had the local radio (only allowed the local station) on.

Even though I didn't normally watch them, back to back soaps would have been preferable!

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, then came the internet (late to MIL's house) and FIL watched sport, football mostly every hour he could.
MIL would shout at him to turn it off, he wouldn't, and everyone else sat looking at each other whilst the tinny commentary came from FIL's corner where he was glued to the screen of his ipad occasionally shouting at players or referees or whoever...

Phones were banned. So much so that all SIL's children learned to text with them in their pockets. It was as if MIL wanted everyone to be miserable.

Blues anchor I was distracted mid post and point but so many memories and experiences on my side in that time! So many amazing holidays, memories.. Christmases etc. With in laws it's bland bland with disdain and condensing and a whole lot of other crap thrown in.

I too am very conscious of this and have made mental note to do stuff with older dc too!

Stay yes, many people do lead arm chair lives but even then they may put all wondeful spin on the things like Alan Bennett. If my in laws were sweet but boring I would still make huge efforts, it's negative horrid mess I can't bear.

Op the issues is baby will make them want to visit more and seek more of you, that's the problem!!

Thanks for the reply's,

I'm going to defo suggest meeting out, however I imagine they will say no, cudnt even get them to come to a pantomime/ Christmas market. the non drinking doesn't bother me, I was just trying to give an idea of how Xmas goes, I know pp don't need drink and can be fun and easy going with out, these are defo not!

I don't want to go low contact, there his parents and part of our lives I just want to make the time more enjoyable.its just so tiring! And I don't want to be tired! We see them for dinner prob every 2 weeks and prob one or twice they pop in in between that, I imagine when baby is here they will see us more, but I'm defo not letting this experience be ruined or be negative , I will be hopfully going to lots of baby groups and meeting new ppl, she was very dismissive the other day when I said I may not breast feed,(I am going to try but just said no as I was uncomfortable with fil sitting there and also thought it's non of your business ) she like oh yes of course you will, I thought really ! 🙄.
Anyway! I'm lucky as them being boring and rigid is my only issue with them, there is no dramas or nastiness, just nothing! It's just 😴😴 , and I'm jealous when friends love having family time! Goodnight everyone x

mynameismrbloom - they sound a bit extreme! It does sound like an unwelcome and miserable environment where it's different rules for them and everybody else.

EatenEasterChocsAlready - that's a fair point as some people have lovely experiences to talk about. The negativity is difficult to stomach. I love Alan Bennett's Talking Heads!

Sorry if I came across to anybody as being nasty or defensive about having the TV on or being teetotal. I have no issue with anybody having a drink and a laugh! I'm eccentric enough without it!

You sound a nice lady OP and you've got the right idea about including them but not being sucked into the rigidity! Hope it goes well and the LO will mean plenty of conversation!

To actually answer your question- can you like them more?

Sadly, no. However be aware that the situation could get noticeably worse if you don't make some effort to keep the peace. I mean just minimal politeness. Flexibility.

Actually falling out with your in-laws is a world of pain.

I've found having a baby actually helped with my PIL. They sound very much like yours but we now have a rambunctious toddler who we can use an excuse for EVERYTHING. We live abroad so when we visit we stay for a week or so and it's, Sorry, PIL, got to get out of the house before DD starts bouncing off the wall. Right, PIL, we are going to the petting zoo today as DD has spent too much time at home and you are welcome to join us! Etc etc. We get out and it gives us all something to talk about. And although PIL are about as useful as a chocolate teapot when it comes to practical help with DD, they do love to moon at her and talk about things they could buy for her - they mean well and there's definitely been happier visits since she arrived.