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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask about your 13 year old ds's behaviour

16 replies

rainsunwindsnow · 02/04/2018 11:55

My ds has never been much of a talker, but now he is 13 and a half I have noticed he is even quieter. One word answers, doesn't really initiate conversation, you have to really dig deep to try and get any information about friends, school etc out of him. He's also turned a bit sarcastic and 'attitudey'. As far as I know, all is well at school. He has a nice group of friends and I think they are all OK with each other at the moment. I have no real reason to be worried but when I contrast him to my outgoing, fun, loud 11 year old dd I do worry that he does seem pretty introverted. Would love to hear how your 13 year old boys are at the moment.

OP posts:

ShawshanksRedemption · 02/04/2018 11:58

If you've no real concerns then I'd say all was normal.

I'm still reminded of this .....

nicknamehelp · 02/04/2018 12:00

Sounds normal to me!

Cadence70 · 02/04/2018 12:01

Totally normal, I say this as a mother of five boys now in their twenties, they do come out of it

Floottoot · 02/04/2018 12:02

Not 13 but just 12 year old DS, and he's pretty much as you describe. He'll talk to me about what he wants to talk about, but shuts down quite a lot of conversations I try to initiate, either with a one word answer, a shrug and "dunno", or grumpiness if I try to push it further.
He can be lovely...or a swine, snapping, arguing, attitude, stropping off etc.
Spends too much time on his phone or the PS4 and won't acknowledge the existence of girls at his school ( but seems to be keen on one from his old school).
School reports are all good, so I think it's just us getting his "special treatment". 😆

HonkyWonkWoman · 02/04/2018 12:02

It sounds about normal to me. My Ds "spoke" in grunts at that age.
They do grow out of it, eventually.

ProjectMoose · 02/04/2018 12:02

Pretty similar. Mine is in year 8 but he been getting increasingly moody for the last couple of years.

Spends most of his free time in his room on his xbox, when I ask him whether he wants to meet up with friends in real life he says there's no point because he can chat to them all via the xbox.

I'm learning the hard way to pick my battles, he's stubborn as fuck and its impossible to make him do anything he doesn't want to.

We've had a couple of tough incidents where he has squared up to me and hit me in an angsty frustrated rage. He is my eldest so we are both learning how to handle these difficult situations.

We get the odd burst of chatiness and good mood from him but it's rare, still a bit of a ray of light though eh?!

Lollypop27 · 02/04/2018 12:03

My 13 year old is the same I struggled with it to start with as my 16 years old ds is the complete opposite and never went through that grunting/shy/awkward stage of one word answers.

One thing that’s helped is finding a programme we both like so we watch it together so we have something to talk about and I also try and spend one on one with him throughout the week and he opens up a bit more then.

My only advice is to not bombard him with questions. He used to get in from school and I would ask how was your day? How are your friends? What did you buy for lunch? Do you have homework? Do you have plans for the weekend and so on. He told me it felt like an interrogation. It wasn’t obviously but I was desperate for a conversation with him.

ProjectMoose · 02/04/2018 12:04

Oops, meant to say that your ds sounds totally normal... It is tough to watch them change so much though!

CatNut2017 · 02/04/2018 12:15

Sounds like my 13 year old DS. In his ideal world, he would spend his time on you tube with head phones on laughing at whatever inane commentary he hears.

I am lucky in that chatty DD has joined him at secondary school and reports back to me that he actually has friends that he chats to.

KurriKurri · 02/04/2018 12:31

Totally normal aand biologically important - they stay quiet from 13 - 16 and talk only in grunts, this is so they can osmotically absorb huge amounts of knowledge and wisdom, thus when they start talking again at 16 they know everything.

Idontdowindows · 02/04/2018 13:07

We've had a couple of tough incidents where he has squared up to me and hit me in an angsty frustrated rage.

Ok, OP, your 13 year old is normal. Moose, yours isn't, I'm sorry. I hope you're getting outside help for this.

minionsrule · 02/04/2018 14:17

12 almost 13 yr old ds here. Same thing but i have found ds is more chatty when dh isn't around. He is ok with dh but gets more grumpy with him.
We have also found that finding a tv show we all like helps, ds loves death in paradise and not going out .
We also now do movie night on friday night as he can watch older movies now. His favourite is if it has a bit of swearing in it!
Find all this makes us all talk a bit more although it does mean lots of pausing tv to discuss whats going on

IfNot · 02/04/2018 14:34

Agree doing stuff together helps, and it's quite fun to be able to watch more grown up films. We watched Billy Elliot the other day...I had to persuade him, but i had forgotten quite how much swearing there was so he really enjoyed it . We had a good chat about the miners strike afterwards, so I figure it's educational!
And cutting WAY down on X Box etc is essential. There is no TV or XBox in bedrooms here and we don't have X Box live. I have seen too many boys turn into zombies because they only interact via a computer. When the teentrums become frequent I take the bloody thing to my storage lock up unit. I know you can just remove the controllers but it's sort of symbolic and more effective!
The mood swings can be brutal and I'm trying to pick my battles, but any suggestion of violence and there would be police and social workers involved frankly, and ds knows that.
It's hard OP, but yours sounds pretty ok actually, so don't worry.

Original poster

rainsunwindsnow · 02/04/2018 17:39

I am feeling greatly reassured thanks so much. I like the idea about finding something to watch together. DS likes cooking so I think I will get him to cook something for us this week - that could get him interested enough to have a conversation?!?

OP posts:

ProjectMoose · 02/04/2018 19:28

Idon't no there's no help, thanks for your concern though. He is generally quite calm but occasionally does get angry like that (I can think of two occasions where that has happened). I am learning not to push him when he is getting to that point, much more helpful to walk away and both calm down.

Obviously have explained that behaving like that is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

He is obviously struggling to deal with the hormone surges and is pushing the boundaries as children of all ages do, he is perfectly behaved outside of the house and does well at school.

PoppyCracker · 02/04/2018 19:34

They spend all day being stimulated by school, technology and friends and at that age it can be exhausting just like for us. When they get home they just want quiet time I guess and to feel at home, which means no one trying to drag conversation out of them.

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