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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family

8 replies

Mydogsanasshole · 02/04/2018 01:23

Ok so this is a long one. Kudos if you get to the end.

My mum was a chronic alcoholic and as a result I was very very close to her sister (my aunt) I began to notice I was the only one making contact, she only ever called me uf she wanted to moan/bitch about her DH or her 3 DD. On 14th March last year I rang her to ask a few questions about a particular matter concerning one of her DH’s. Her reply was ‘I don’t know but I’ll find out and call you back’. So I waited for her to call back. 1-2 weeks passed, no call. So I decided to wait and see when she would call and that I was not going to call her (I work full time, she doesn’t work at all) Thus went on for weeks (and yes I dug my heels in and didn’t call) I fell pregnant with our miracle baby (17 years of trying) and my nana (her mum told her) Got a really cheeky message from her about how she couldn’t believe I hadn’t reached out to her and if I wanted to ostracise myself from the famiky that was fine etc etc). Her wee dog had to be put to sleep. I messaged saying hiw sorry I was abd she myst be devastated etc. The anniversary if my mums death came round, no word. I had to get my little dof put to slerp, no word. I turned 40, no word nit even a card. My DS was born early Dec, no word but she has told all the rest of the family hiw hust she is, how horrible I’vd been etc so none of family now talk to me (except my nana) and none of them have acknowledged my DS. My nana now wants to have a ceremony for the burial if my mums ashes and I would rather eat bee’s. AIBU as to not wanting to go and should I have done something different re my Aunt. A large part if me thinks fuck the lit of them and let them jog on.

OP posts:
Mydogsanasshole · 02/04/2018 01:25

Apologies for all the spelling mistakes, trying to feed my hungry monster at the same time. 🙈

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 02/04/2018 01:28

Hi OP,I'm sorry for the terrible time you've had but congratulations on your miracle babyFlowers
Don't go if you don't want to,if none of them talk to you it will be a stressful day which you could do without.I'm sure your man will understand.

Mydogsanasshole · 02/04/2018 01:31

Thank you. X

OP posts:
SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 02/04/2018 01:35

So you waited for her to call back for weeks and weeks? Maybe she forgot about your question re the husband. Seems a bit harsh to virtually cut contact with her. I expect she was upset you didn't tell her about your pregnancy - she would have known how much that would have meant to you and so not telling her would have been particularly painful, given how close you were.
That said, the rest of them ostracising you sounds cruel and silly.
I think a lot of issues with families stems from poor communication mixed with personality clashes. Is everyone in your family stubborn?
I would say to go to the ceremony, because bridges can be built, and it sounds like you and your family have been through a lot over the years. I think you should swallow your pride and go.

KeepCalm · 02/04/2018 01:54

Have a conversation with her. If you don't like the result then walk away and concentrate on your own family unit.

GreyNikNaks · 02/04/2018 05:13

A large part if me thinks fuck the lit of them and let them jog on.
Listen to this part of you.

Congrats on your baby and sorry you've had tough times. Don't allow arseholes in your or your babys life, you're too important.
Flowers

Merryoldgoat · 02/04/2018 05:46

I did this with a friend.

I realised that she NEVER called me or initiated meeting up.

The last time I saw her was because a mutual friend set something up and was just before I moved house and started a new job.

I decided not to contact her until she contacted me given it would be natural to see how the move went and the job was going. I’ve not heard from her in over 3 years.

Your aunt is an attention seeker and you’re right to ignore her. It’s a shame the rest of your family can’t see it. Any chance your nana could explain the situation?

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/04/2018 07:47

A couple of things ... you didn't like your mother ... yet you expect a call on the anniversary of her death ... you'd 'rather eat bees' than attend a memorial service, thus reinforcing how much you actually do dislike her .... why would you expect anyone to call and commiserate when you quite obviously hated the woman? Irrespective of your relationship with her, she was still your aunts sister, and you don't give a clue to their relationship dynamic, but if I was facing the anniversary of my sisters death, I don't think I'd want to listen to her offspring slating her.

There's a whole lot of people in the OP that need to get over themselves and the only person that matters is Nana, who has lost a daughter, albeit an alcoholic one.

Failing to see how Aunt is an 'attention seeker' when she isn't the one making all the phone calls and is getting on with her own family.

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