Hi there,
I'm a newbie under this user name but was a member around ten years ago when I was going through the death throes of my marriage, and found it a massively useful resource, so I am putting out this post to try and figure out how to deal with a problem that is becoming a massive thorn in my side.
Long story short - I have a small alternative themed shop that came about when my mother-in-law moved in with us due to her Alzheimers.... at that point she was able to agree to investing in the business as I had to give up full time employment to care for her - she came to work with me as it helped stimulate her and gave her a social circle etc..... she had to go into residential care after 18 months, but her being in the shop meant that an elderly local gentleman started coming in as I would imagine that he felt secure and encouraged by her presence.
Mr P as I will call him was a little confused in the beginning, and as time has gone on his behaviour has become more and more worrying. In the first instance he would come and try and sell me things as we deal in curios etc, which sometimes was feasible and I didn't mind helping him out a bit as we have a bit of a community profile and as some people will no doubt say, I'm a bit of a soft touch. I am firm when things aren't suitable, but depending on his level of confusion I will help him out if he seems short of money .... let me be clear, I deal with a fair few strung out homeless people , and his behaviour, given my experience (crash course) in caring for someone with dementia I am confident Mr P has some sort of age related condition combined with previous mental health issues (will explain how I now this in a moment - totally bizarre coincidence thing).
After a few months of him coming in, when a rapport had been established, he came to me very confused with a debt collection agency letter demanding over £300 in fines relating to a car he had owned. With his permission we phone the company together and again, long story short, discovered that the council had been pursuing the debt because Mr P had allowed a gentleman with dubious background to borrow said car for OVER A YEAR informally.... the borrower ha then decamped to London and the car, left abandoned had been towed away and then scrapped, the cost of which was the subject of the fine. I rang the council, Mr P gave the lady permission to speak to me and the level of confusion and manner of his speech resulted in her writing off the debt then and there; so far so good. However, Mr P ha also lent this character cash money to "visit his sick mother abroad" and huge alarm bells rang.... I did a bit of detective work and discovered that dodgy bloke had befriended at least one other person in a similar way......
I too verbal advice from our local police who basically said nothing could be done because the car had been loaned and it was a civil matter, however the whole episode made me really concerned as Mr P is obviously a vulnerable person. Now don't get me wrong, he dresses impeccably with a tie, and gets himself around but his rambling incoherent conversations point to something being wrong.....so I contacted adult Social Services ..... and was given the bums rush, basically accused of interfering, not respecting his rights, and that he would have to self refer if he needed any help.... which he doesn't appear to realise......even though he is on their system for previous mental health issues.... so I ended up back with the police, who, out of pity for me as much as him, agreed to meet him at the shop..... I gave them all the information I had and finally had Mr P flagged for welfare checks etc.
I have trie to encourage Mr P to engage with his GP, especially as he is now suffering obvious urinary incontinence ( he wears chinos). However, there is a touch of paranoia about his condition which means he avoids this issue.
In a bizarre coincidence, I was taking to my Dad and Step-Mum about this, and it transpires that 20 years ago they were friends with him, went to his last wedding which may have ended up in a DV situation (!) and my DSM said he was ok until he "came off his medication".... they have both made me promise not to let him know where they live.....
So, my motivation in all this is just to ask WTF do I do now? I have ALOT going on in my life now, and I do not have the time or emotional fortitude to be so involved, but at the same time I can't bear the thought of a confused, vulnerable old man having no support whatsoever......
He visits pretty much every day....in fact twice today..... he has just come in again still worried about his passport which he thinks needs to be renewed because the cover got a bit covered in hummus (I kid you not - I gave it a wipe off and it is fine!) ((We open 7 days a week)).
So please, lovely Mumsnetters, I know this has been long and a bit confusing, but what should I do?????