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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ponder over sleepless nights how to handle this...

22 replies

mokapot · 01/04/2018 14:54

Right..long time lurker and first time question poser...

Background
After my divorce and emigration to a country with absolutely no support ( moved for a fresh start) my two boys got a cat..they wanted one for so long and so 2.5 years ago I finally relented. I’m indifferent to the cat but the boys absolutely adore him...
“He’s our brother from OUR mother”, cat getting a birthday present but not me, kisses and cuddles yadda yadda

Issue
My partner of 2 years who the kids love and she loves dearly has suddenly become allergic to the cat really badly. Fine for the last 2 years and suddenly over the last 3 months she’s got really bad rhinitis, sinusitis etc all triggered when she comes here. Nothing has changed at home at all. And she’s fine when she goes out for a walk. We haven’t spent any time together due to this. We want to buy a house together and move in in the next 6 months which we have talked about for a while.

She told me she used to be allergic to cats but she’s been ok for the last 2 years when visiting and staying over until now.

Aibu in being consumed daily on how to fix this without hurting the boys or her?

Peeps, any help would be appreciated.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 01/04/2018 14:59

antihistamine tablets

monkeysox · 01/04/2018 15:21

You'll have to get rid of the cat if you're going to live together. Antihistamines are ok for short visits but not a long term solution

Original poster
mokapot · 01/04/2018 15:49

Yes she has tried the antihistamines and it doesn’t help. Ordered a bunch of stuff from amazon ...allerpet etc and it hasn’t helped.

This is such a disaster as the boys are so close to this cat....

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 01/04/2018 15:53

I'd think very hard about getting rid of the cat; your DCs adore and nurtured it from a young age, rehoming it would essentially tell them that your new partner comes before something they've cherished for a long time. That would be such a blow to them.

witchofzog · 01/04/2018 15:57

The thing is if you get rid of the cat you might find your boys blame your dp and resent them moving on. It could cause a lot of friction. I feel for you and just don't know how to resolve this. Could you restrict the cat to certain parts of the house maybe so the dc's rooms and kitchen ok but not the living room or your room where cat hairs are more likely to linger?

Original poster
mokapot · 01/04/2018 16:12

Thank you all:
Yes literally right now the doors are closed all the time to the bedroom. There is no door to the living room as such as it’s an open concept kinda thing.

He is brushed, groomed etc regularly. I vacuum everyday. I shall be seeing the vet again but if there was no solution permanently, wibu to consider lying ......?
I think I know the answer ...

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 01/04/2018 16:17

Mmmmmm, not sure if I am a bit cynical about this? Your partner was alright with cat, but now you have become closer and thinking of moving in together, the cat is an issue?

Original poster
mokapot · 01/04/2018 16:34

I can see where you are coming from but she can’t fake the symptoms..the symptoms of runny nose, itchy eyes, rashes and nasal congestion are apparent and her blood work showed a rise in eosinophils which is indicative of an allergic response ( but yes, not specific to a particular allergen). She has made an appt to see an allergist so we would want confirmation of the allergy before anything was or is even done.

OP posts:
Original poster
mokapot · 01/04/2018 16:35

Sorry I don’t mean to drip feed: I just didn’t want to overload with info initially

OP posts:
FallenAngel89 · 01/04/2018 16:42

We have just built a cat pen outdoors so our house cats can go outside when the weather is good. Is this maybe an option for you too? I'm also allergic but I couldn't part with them. I keep them from the living room and bedroom and take antihistamines everyday Smile

RedHelenB · 01/04/2018 16:43

My ex was allergic when occasionally with cats but when we got one ourselves and he was around it all the time ever he was fine. Ifor the children adore the cat I would delay moving in with your partner if I was you..

earlofhell · 01/04/2018 16:46

im really badly allergic to dogs and cats, used to visit friends and nearly die, when they got rid of carpets and got laminate i was fine.

Idontdowindows · 01/04/2018 16:49

There is some research that indicates that washing a cat regularly reduces allergens by 75% (goodness knows I don't have the link at hand right now).

I'd give that a good try and be absolutely on top of any kind of cleaning before she visits.

Getting rid of the cat would show the boys that animals they love are disposable as soon as someone comes into your life that you like.

It would be nice if your partner would go for testing to be absolutely sure about what is causing the reaction.

swingofthings · 01/04/2018 16:50

She needs to try different treatments. Some might work, others not. I certainly wouldn't accept the 'I've tried one once or twice, it doesn't work'.

If really there is no escaping symptoms, which in all fairness to her are horrible, then you've got yourself a dilemma. It's hard enough to get kids to accept to live with someone else, even someone they 'love' before moving in with them, but add to it that you've got to get rid of the cat for them, that's not a good start to an on-going loving relationship. Do you need to move in together?

Original poster
mokapot · 01/04/2018 17:15

That’s been the delay for a while...her allergies
Thank you all.
The washing of the cat with water etc has been done weekly as recommended by the vet. I have the claw scars as proof!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
MoodyTwo · 01/04/2018 17:32

I am really allergic to cats , I have to take and inhaler when near one.
Daft as it sounds, and my MW suggested it when I was pregnant and couldn't take anti histamines ... Vaseline under the nose/eyes and around the mouth works well ... my only issue is then I had a break out in spots every time I went round to my friends house

callmeadoctor · 02/04/2018 13:08

I suppose there may be a possibility that it is from something else like dust mites etc. Getting rid of carpets downstairs could be helpful, so keeping the cat away from carpets upstairs?

nothruroad · 02/04/2018 13:15

I’m sure I’ve read about wipes for cats - apparently most people are allergic to the saliva on the fur and the wipes help with that. I think they have petal in the name.

ShawshanksRedemption · 02/04/2018 13:16

I too recommend getting rid of any carpet and getting laminate instead.

ShawshanksRedemption · 02/04/2018 13:19

More info here @mokapot:
www.cats.org.uk/oxford/feature-pages/living-with-cat-allergies

Original poster
mokapot · 02/04/2018 13:44

Thank you
Everyone

We have tiles everywhere in the house and wooden floors in the rooms.
I have ordered the wipes and possibly shall get a HEPA filter but they are 600 dollars ( needs must- sigh)

Thanks for the link. Shall look now as it’s 9am over here

OP posts:
Original poster
mokapot · 02/04/2018 13:46

Boy in question

To ponder over sleepless nights how to handle this...
OP posts:
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