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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my need to be liked holds me back

3 replies

Thanksforthatamazingpost · 01/04/2018 14:03

And ask if anyone else feels the same?

OP posts:
Tookawrongturnsomewhere · 01/04/2018 22:03

Yes I think that too.. Especially at work.. What's your context?

AnotherRoadsideAttraction · 01/04/2018 22:07

Absolutely. All the time. Especially because I'm in a job that is very public and by nature is a role that others judge. I'm at my best when I'm working without thinking of how it might be received. But sadly, it's very hard to get into that clear state of mind and my fear of others' opinions often hold me back.

StripedPyjamasandSpottyTops · 01/04/2018 22:24

Not me, but my DH. He is such a people pleaser, finds it hard to say no to people (except me, oddly enough) and will avoid confrontation wherever possible. He hates upsetting anyone. Doesn't hold him back professionally, probably the opposite he's successful but it does mean that over the years a lot of his friends have become ever more piss-taking. Nothing serious, but it'll always be him who gives lifts everywhere, lends a few quid, books tickets and they pay him back - eventually. All normal friend things but it's only ever him that's put out.

I don't enjoy confrontation, but I won't let myself be taken advantage of and will happily say no to things that I don't want to do. I've been trying to guide DH to lean a bit more this way for years. We had such a stress last summer because we were invited to a wedding that genuinely neither of us wanted to go to, but he said we had to it was rude not to. He was so worried that people would think badly of him for saying no thank you. It didn't bother me in the slightest - we didn't want to go so I sent a nice card thanking them for the invite, wishing them all the best and letting them know we couldn't make it. I never gave it a second thought.

It's been a long slog getting him to see it's ok to say no sometimes as long as you do it nicely - particularly to family. He's better than he was, but still struggles a bit.

You don't have to be mean or rude to people. But you can learn to be politely assertive if you feel you're being held back by your nature.

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