Aibu to want to kill Dh? Only slightly light hearted

[Whatthefunk]

So Dmil due in an hour. Dh put the oven on for the lamb at 12....except he didn't, he put the grill on. So the lamb has had an hours grilling and is looking grim.....bastard

I tend to kill flies with a spray

Mandalorian that made me LOL!!!

DH has been threatening a patio for years, in turn I've told him many times i'm going to throw a toaster in the bath.
Neither is likely to actually happen
the toaster cord is too short

I tend to kill flies with a spray

[shocked] [stalks off into the distance, offended]

Isn’t dark humour meant to be a sign of intelligence?

The professionally offended are out in force today, aren’t they?

It's ok OP, it's Easter. Kill the bastard he'll rise again anyway. has now offended Christians for a full house

Pmsl, superb! I can heartily recommend Christians against Dinosaurs on Facebook for further Christian bashing fun. Hey, I’m Catholic, I’m allowed to take the piss!

mandalorian extension cable is your friend here, but DH says make sure it doesn't have an RCD to cut out the power (he's an electrician). Modern UK fuse boxes can be a pain, you might have to wire it in from the lighting circuit. Probably hard to make that look accidental.

My standard offer of punishment for my children (as used at school etc) is that I will tie them upside down from a branch and whip them with brambles. Funny enough my standard punishment is not this, but involves removing screen time. I think DDs would prefer the scratches to losing their viewing.

Years ago DH and I went on a diving trip, before we left Gatwick another diver estimated that I had come up with over a dozen 'accidents' that could befall DH. I'm considered a very good dive buddy and I've dived with some muppets I've had to shepherd.

@AuroraBora oh God then my IQ is through the roof 😂 I have a very dark sense of humour, as did my Mum actually. Kind of helps you cope with the real shit life puts in front of you doesn't it?

@Gide I'm headed there now! Also Catholic more lapsed than a lapsed thing that lapsed so do enjoy a bit of dinosaur fun!

@elfycat this is all starting to sound rather like hard work. I do love him a bit so I'll give him a reprieve for now. At least until we move and I ascertain the condition of the circuitry and position of sockets in relation to bath.....

I'm not easily offended at all

But the idea of throwing an electric toaster into your DH's bath disgusts me.

I hate soggy toast.

@WorraLiberty
😂

DH tells me he'll kill me with a frozen leg of lamb a la Roald Dahl and I tell him I'll stab him with an icicle. I'm sure we won't.

But the idea of throwing an electric toaster into your DH's bath disgusts me

I'm very precious about my toaster so I'd get a cheapo one out of home bargains for the job. My husband's got good life insurance, I can take the expense.

I’d go with a roller skate at the top of the stairs. For added bonus you could blame the DC, especially if they’re being particularly hard work that day....

Absolutely no toasters in the bath. Think of the crumbs!

Lunch went swimmingly! No crimes were committed. The lamb was a triumph! I'm slightly squiffy and both Dh and Dmil have buggered off for a walk

I may open another bottle...it's what Jesus would have wanted

You have to wonder why people who don't find talking about dv humourously click on a thread with the words "kill" "DH" and "lighthearted" in the title.

What did they think the thread was going to be about?

for the OP and anyone else who needs or wants it

Having been a victim of domestic violence I find maintaining a sense of humour helps tbh. There are a couple of vey specific things that people occasionally say that really bring it all back but honestly I prefer a jokey approach.