AIBU, or is being a mother just really flipping lonely at times!

[willothewisp17]

Just that really. Had a friend cancel on me today (for understandable reasons) but I just feel so disheartened today!

My DD was born early and I suffered hugely from anxiety for a period of time about her, but she's now a healthy, beautiful 10 month old and I'm finally feeling better in myself, so I feel up to taking her out and about much more, seeing people! But try as I might, I just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

People make promises all the time and always seem to let me down. I had a 'supposed' friend recently who I really liked and thought the feeling was mutual, but she was just trying to mooch some of my anxiety mediation off me (diazepam) now that I've told her I have none and took what I had left back to the chemist because I didn't need them, I don't hear from her.

I was lonely before when I struggled with anxiety and shut both me and my daughter in, but now that I'm trying I'm still bloody lonely, but in different ways. After keeping my daughter hidden behind closed doors for months from fear of her getting ill, now that I finally want to get out and show her off, I can't!

Someone tell me to get a grip of myself!

Go out and show your baby off! A walk around the park then coffee somewhere just the two of you plus random strangers who want to coo over her.

Well done on tackling your anxiety

Oh, I am sorry OP. It sounds like that particular friend has her own serious problems if she is scrounging for diazepam, so try not to take her actions personally...

You are right- being at home with a child can be very lonely, because of how our society is organised. It is a time when we all need to be living in a village, with people our in their front yards doing things together and forming a community, but unfortunately life is often so far from that these days.

I did all the usual children's groups and toy libraries and tried as hard as I could to meet people. Eventually I was lucky enough to find a couple of like-minded mums, and actually just having one wonderful neighbour made all the difference to me.

It is easier to meet people once children are in preschool, but the time you really need friends is when they are tiny.

I used to go out a lot by myself with my first baby in a pouch- we went all over together, and even though I was still mostly alone, it was so much better than staying at home.

If you are really struggling, you might think about getting in touch with HomeStart; a lovely volunteer might be able to help you break the ice in your neighbourhood, and might have ideas about how to feel less isolated.

It is extremely lonely, and having anxiety on top of that definitely makes it harder to put yourself out there (speaking from experience). But please do get yourself out there. There are other parents that feel the same, and you may meet some really great people. Try a few local baby groups when you feel up to you, but if not your local parks may good place to start with. Also have a look into your local children centre, the volunteers can help you meet other parents and offer any support necessary. You'll get there OP, well done .

Is the Mush app in your area? Find groups and activities in your area and can browse friendly faces to message of dm's like yourself!!

I'm with you OP, its bloody hard to make real friends, after 18 month's seem to have found a couple of other mums who i get on with really well, but now im moving so it will be a little harder to keep in touch.

But you don't have to be so lonely, get out with your baby in the pram, it used to take me ages to get anywhere as people always wanted to stop and talk about the baby.

I agree with PP suggestion of baby groups, it took me 4 month's to get the courage to go to any! And now I try to go to any group that is on, just so I get out of the house