Work obsession

[Nixpix1]

Aibu that it annoys me DH spends a lot of his time on the phone. He runs his own business with a few of his mates and all equal partners. Yet DH does most of the leg work while other sit back relax and get on with their own stuff. It's to the point that DH finished his working hours but always being called till 7/8pm in the evening. We went out with ds yesterday for a few hours. DH made and received 8 calls none of them being shorter than 5 mins. Every 15/20min his phone rings. Drives me around the bend.

I told him yesterday that there's no point in going with him anywhere coz he's busy on his fone. He said he only picked up 2 calls or made 2 calls. I took his phone and showed him there were 8 calls in the time we were at the shops, his response was that he only made 2 calls and more excuses.

Im so annoyed that out of the 4 mates he's the only one that gets disturbed this much coz he's allowed it. DH doesn't even bother to tell them it's his day off or he's home and to get in touch with the other inactive partners. his mate from up north came over once and was annoyed at how much he gets called from work.

Arghhh.... Rant over for now!

Does your DH have some sort of skill the others don't have, which means that he is the only one who can sort these issues out? If not then they need to sort out some sort of out-of-hours rota so they all take their share of the work.

If that's not possible maybe he needs to get a separate work mobile which he leaves behind when you go out.

Good idea Deathstare about the sprat work phone but he can't afford it through the company as they are not breaking even yet and some over heads have gone up in the last week.

His job doesn't require a particular work skill as such. All the partners know what to do roughly but it's only that DH spends the most sitting in the office and doing the leg work so everyone feels he's the 1st point of contact. And if it's not them calling, i pick him up from work and within 5 mins he's making calls and on his phone watching the system and just obsessed with work.

It's so frustrating coz he only talk to me about his work and nothing else. I just feel like shutting him out now coz I can't be asked to tell him Or even explain all this again and again. Every time I do we end up in an argument. He stays out of my life and I stay out of his. At least expection won't b there so I won't feel let down all the time.

Look at it from his point of view. He's set up a company, something he has probably wanted to do for ages. That company isn't breaking even yet, so he is at risk of cash flow breaking down. He has to make the company profitable before they run out of funding & go bust. Under those circumstances I'd be working 16 hour days too. Isn't he doing it to provide you and dc with a better future?

How do you know the other partners aren't also taking calls?

Also I've never met a man who honestly likes shopping!

He's obviously just trying to make it a success for him self and you and your child maybe try supporting him

In the future if he does well by the sounds of it he could end up buying the others out if they aren't pulling their weight

It’s the other way round here. Im the one with the business that needs me, not till 7 or 8pm but often till 11, 12 midnight and later.

I wish I could put down my phone and join in with family stuff sometimes but it’s the price I pay for my flexible life and being there with the family in the first place. I have gotten better at protecting my downtime over the years but your DH is new to it.

If I am forced to put down the reins I feel even more stressed as I can feel or imagine the messages and emails piling up - even if I turn off the pings and vibrates of electrical devices. It doesn’t help me to enjoy the activity. It makes me stressed and resentful.

Yes, if there are several of them it is reasonable to split the work fairly and they should work on that. But I feel bad enough about being called away by work or forced to pay attention to my business out of hours as it is, trying to split myself in two to run a business and keep the household running plus have happy children and family. I can’t imagine how frustrated I will feel if my partner started giving me shit about it.

They all have worked in the same industry for years so they all know the inns and outs of it. But apart from DH, no one else is putting in any effort. I know this for a fact as DH comes homes and gets annoyed at how they all give him orders and tell him he's responsible for everything, while they put in their one cent every week or so.

Between the 4 of them they don't distribute the work or any calls. I've been to the office lots of times and I see how it's run and I know how much who is putting in. At the start all 4 of them were 100% and now that some of them have lost interest as they see it as a non starter so they have backed away.

If this does work and makes a profit at some point, then they will all want their 25%. DH is too nice to tell them otherwise.

Which is y I keep telling him to hand over some responsibility to the other partners.

My H did this years ago on one of your booked days off. After a couple of failed warnings I hopped on a bus whilst he was on the phone.

Butt out. I've had a partner in the past with gf just like you. I can't tell you how annoying it was. And when you partner up in business, sometimes it is not just the time that contributes to the success of the company. It could be money, network, etc. So YABVU and again butt out!

choco you sound just a tad defensive. Are you sure you were truly pulling your own weight in that partnership?

Well let me tell you that one of the partners hasn't put any money in nor had any proper input apart from making his own life easily and doing what suited him best on the company account which was a waste of money according to DH. None of them have networked, none of them deal with employees or customers, none of them do any paper work or book keeping. In fact they don't even bother coming into the office. All of this has been done by DH alone. They just sit on their back sides at home. when DH tells them company issues they don't listen.

They all get to hang out with their families and have fun,while we r the only ones who are being disturbed day and night.

@blueshoes I WAS the work horse! But I didnt have the connection to make things happen. Hard work alone does not get you anywhere, believe me!

@OP then that answers it. Tell your DP to grow some balls and start on his own. If he is doing it all then he would not hesitate. Also from experience again, better do it sooner than later before the toxic company grows big and there are real dough to be split!

He does want to buy them out but knows that they won't sell their part in the company at a reasonable price and we don't have the money to buy them out at the moment. Will cost him roughly 10k. A loan is out of question as we can't afford the repayments as the company was about to break even and then the company got hit by increased over heads so now its back in a loss of about 350 a month.

Stuck! If he was doing this on his own, I wouldn't bother bothering him and asking him to divert all work related calls after 8pm. With 4 partners, no one of them takes on any responsibility and i dont think unreasonable to ask that he gives them some form of responsibility of the company after 6pm so we can have 2 hours of family time in the evening.

Do you work?

Not at the moment, I'm on maternity leave and I have 4 children youngest being 6 months.

Maybe he enoys it.

My OH is a bit work obsessed, and carries the can a lot for others, but I don't mind.

I am self employed and I work 7 days a week, but I love it.

Let him be a man and speak up then. Or, if it's such a promising business, find a partner who can contribute the money/networking/time.