Over half's family

[newtothis17]

Hi ladies,
I really get on with my other half's family but since having our little one. I feel all they do is judge me.

When they come to see our little one it will take her a few minutes to become completely comfortable with them. (She does this to most people she hasn't seen for ages) if they pick her up straight away she starts to cry.
Really annoying thing is they won't give her back to me & I feel like I can't take her even tho she's crying & then when they do give her back or I take her they give me a really funny look.

I've caught them giving each other looks whenever I say or do something which involves my little one.

I feel like I can't spend any time with my little one when they are here as I get accused of "hogging her" from my other half.
It makes me feel like a spare part.

Am I just being paranoid....

Rant over

You do sound a bit paranoid
Surely when your DCs grandparents come to see their grand child they can hold her and play with her. It sounds as if you are "hogging her" and think only you know best.
Family dont visit every day and its no wonder they might be giving each other strange looks , because you are behaving in a strange way.

How often do they visit OP? It's pretty normal for Gp to want a cuddle with their grandchild tbh, how old is baby?

Take the opportunity to have a long shower, coffee without it getting cold /spilt!! Pop to the shop - if they showed no interest in your dc you would still be posting on mn!!

How old is the little one?

From the other side, my SIL was a nightmare when my DN was born. She would jump to take DN off anyone and didn't like other people picking her up etc. My mum (DN grandma) was often in tears to me as she felt she wasn't able to build a relationship with DN because of SIL overbearing behaviour. After six months SIL realised she was being unreasonable, got help, turns out she had Post natal issues that he then got help with.
You have your DD all of the time, it's not unreasonable for family to want to share her. She may well get upset because of the relationship you have already built with her - making her reliant on only you for comfort. I think you need to step back and realise it's health that DD learns that she is luck to have a big family she can get love and comfort from, not just her mum.

I can understand that feeling... I have a MIL I know to be quite judgey, and when my kids were little (not so much now, when they can make their own choices more) I was always a bit uncomfortable in how I should be with them around her because I feared if I 'left her to it' with them too much she'd complain I was displaying 'no interest' in the kids and was 'palming them off' on her, but if I took too much of the kids' attention when with her, she'd complain I was not letting her enjoy their company. I just tried to relax about it, knowing there was usually no pleasing her anyway, and in the end I never heard any complaints (and I would have if there were any!) so I was maybe worrying too much.

Maybe have them round more so they aren’t seen as strangers but rather family

The spare part bit does sound a bit unreasonable. Why do you feel that way? It’s not unreasonable for someone to want to show your dd some care.

Poor new
I read that she'd prefer to let the baby get used to the visitors in her arms for a few minutes before handing her over for a cuddle. And if her ILs grab the baby before baby is ready baby cries. Natural thing would be for mummy to take back the baby, calm her down and hand her over when she's settled.

New maybe when they arrive next time say something like "I'm just going to change baby's nappy/outfit so she'll be nice and clean for you". Change baby in the same room. So you're with baby and baby is getting used to the visitors.

Jeez on other posts where people are less calm than new and post "my mil snatches the baby out of my arms and won't give her back when she cries" they're always supported . As they should be. I think pp are being a bit harsh to new

Are we all reading the same post?!
I got that they pick baby up before she is ready and she cries.
Totally normal to want to take her and console her.

Thanks everyone for your advice.

My little one is 7 months old.

I always try & get out to play groups ect so she can be around other people/ babies.

If she hasn't seen someone for awhile she gets abit upset. After she's comfortable (which usually takes 10 mins & playing with her) she's absolutely fine with them. Once that's done she does go to them & play & I will only have her back if she needs feeding ect. It's not like I don't let them take her as I understand how important it is.

Maybe I do need to relax & take some time out. Then I'll probably worry more 😂

God they never said this parenting was easy.

It’s developmentally normal & healthy for a 7 month old to be wary of people other than Mum & Dad.

YANBU

They are insensitive snatching at your baby as soon as they walk in the door, and then denying her comfort when she is upset. They are bloody rude to come into your home and shoot each other rude looks about your parenting.

OP, don’t hesitate to take your baby back If she is sad.

Your baby is a person in her own right, not an XBox that people can demand ‘a go’ with.

My youngest was like this at that age, it's very normal. I used to wait a few minutes before passing him over rather than upset him. He is two now and happily goes with grandparents without looking back.

The ‘won’t give her back to me’ when she is crying part makes me angry for you.

You are completely in within your rights to insist on having your own crying baby returned to your arms at any time. They are way out of line if they are refusing you.

YANBU.

Be more assertive and get DH to help explaining to his parents. They are grownups, their need to hug a baby is not more important than the need of a 7mo old to feel secure.