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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he should be more active?

50 replies

Everyotherweekend · 31/03/2018 22:59

How do you get your kids to be more active? DSS seems to lack energy. He plays sport twice a week and trains once. But apart from that is very sedentary. We try to get him out running with us, 5km but he constantly moans, cries, stops and generally makes a huge fuss - then complains of an 'injury' for weeks after. He won't go out on his bike, skateboard, scooter - too boring. We have a pool and he'll rarely go in that. Too boring/cold. If we go to the park, he'll happily have a kick about. But will refuse to do anything else, catch, frisbee - he'll just sit on the grass fed up. He's not overweight, but of a bigger build. He doesn't have much screen time. But generally struggles to entertain himself. He is 10. Is this normal ?

OP posts:
Whatsforu · 02/04/2018 10:01

By the sounds of things you need to get a more indepth assessment of his health. He sounds like he is struggling with more than just fitness. 2 hour nap in the day doesn't sound right. Stop pushing him and get him properly checked out.

Everyotherweekend · 03/04/2018 22:12

@Northernparent68 oh yes let's tell the step mum to back off. Even if she is genuinely concerned.
He has grown a bit recently, but nothing major. We went for a kick about yesterday and he was stuffed after 10-15 minutes, sitting on top of the ball. Going to ask DH to get him to the dr, he seems unusually lethargic!

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 03/04/2018 23:54

Dr is your best bet there if this is new behaviour and he hasn't had a very noticeable growth spurt.

One of my nephews was strangely lethargic and unfit suddenly and he had EBV.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2018 04:04

I'm not sure what will work for him OP but I totally see why you're concerned. It sounds like he gets bored when he's on his own and doesn't like being at the bottom end of the achievement scale in a group (not uncommon!), which makes getting the fitness up difficult. It's also surprising how many kids can play a team sport like football 3 or 5 days a week and still not actually be able to run that much because they just stop pushing it when they get tired and from a couple of things you say it sounds like your DS might fit this category?

I think little and often may be a better way to get him to build up his fitness. Instead of encouraging him to run a 5k, try just doing 10 or 15 minutes, but do it every day or twice a day and push it faster as he improves. Would he enjoy laser tag or a nerf gun war? Something that will get him running even when he's tired but which doesn't actually measure his fitness against others directly?

But it may be the best you can do is keep him engaged in the football until he's mature enough to realise he's got to put some work in on areas he doesn't enjoy in order to get better at the bit he does enjoy.

araiwa · 04/04/2018 05:37

if hes knackered after 15 minutes of football what makes you think he will enjoy a 5k run?!

3 lots of exercise a week seems plenty for a 10 year old. have you tried asking him what he wants to do extra? and if hes happy watching tv, just let him

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2018 05:40

"3 lots of exercise a week seems plenty for a 10 year old" ?

10-year-olds (all of us really) should be doing exercise 6 days a week. 3 days a week is not enough to be really healthy and certainly not enough to get fit enough to be good at a game like football.

araiwa · 04/04/2018 05:45

he's a 10 year old boy, he will also have pe classes and play games etc at lunch/break at school too

forcing someone to do something they dont want to never works

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2018 05:47

If he's getting exhausted after 15 minutes he's probably not getting much exercise during PE or lunch/break.

Ractify · 04/04/2018 08:20

I'd be worried about a 10 year old becoming exhausted after 15 minutes of exercise - it could be just him, but it could be an indication of a medical condition. Perhaps suggesting to his dad to ask the doctor for thyroid function tests, and see if there are any other symptoms (eg. headaches, limb pain or cramps, dizziness, changes in appetite, etc).

AlphaApple · 04/04/2018 08:41

3 lots of exercise a week seems plenty for a 10 year old.

Health guidelines are 60 minutes 5 times a week for children.

That's all physical activity, including playing/active transport, not just sport.

Pippioddstocking · 04/04/2018 08:45

I was just like this as a child . From age 18 I turned into a total sports fanatic and over 20 years later I'm still one of the sportiest adults I know. I think of childhood as my warm up .

Thekitten · 04/04/2018 09:00

If he's getting exhausted after 10/15 mins and isn't improving how long he can go for, then could he possibly be anaemic? I get anaemic a lot and at my worst, I can barely speak without running out of breath, but when I'm slightly low on iron/haemoglobin my normal ten minute walk to the station can really wear me out. It's unusual for children to be anaemic but it's definitely worth a test. Cause if he is then no amount of fitness training is going to help.

Wolfiefan · 04/04/2018 09:06

He's not overweight but of a bigger build? Are you sure? Many people have lost sight of what overweight looks like.
What's his diet like? Is he eating slow release carbs? Enough protein? Does he stay hydrated?

category12 · 04/04/2018 09:08

You seem quite full on/competitive on his behalf. He got to squad level swimming and then lost interest. Maybe he doesn't want what you want for him. He does quite a lot of sport. Leave him be.

Northernparent68 · 04/04/2018 09:21

Ok OP, ignore me and the others telling you to take it easy on him, but do n’t be surprised when he stops coming to see you and his father.

saoirse31 · 04/04/2018 09:59

Your attitude re swimming ' I got him to squad level' says it all. Sport should be about enjoyment not necessarily continual endeavouring to get faster etc.

Either find something he likes, stay away from trying to improve him at it, all the time and praise and encourage. From sound of things he probably feels that you're always on at him and that he's no good.

Also as someone said, he may fwrl even more got at, as you're his step mother , that's not getting at you but acknowledging who you are in his life.

dangermouseisace · 04/04/2018 10:07

I’d get him checked by GP.

However...he might just be exhausted from school. Does he play football in lunch breaks etc? Walk to school? My 11 year old says he doesn’t want to do much at the weekend coz he walks over 3 miles a day and plays football/other sport at lunchtime.

Also 5k run regularly is a lot for a child of that age, particularly if they are doing other sport such as football. Too much running is not recommended for growing kids as it can cause problems with developing bones and prevent them from doing as much sport as they’d like when older.

LightDrizzle · 04/04/2018 10:36

I run now OP, but at his age or at any point in my childhood, I found running deadly boring and unpleasant. He likes football, he plays football. Great! I think you’re projecting your own preferences on him. Also does he have to excell at football? Just facilitate him playing; praise every success and commiserate when he’s benched. By trying to turn everything into a learning experience you risk sucking the joy out and him switching off, he’s at an age where he’ll learn more readily from his peers and situationally in these matters, than from a nagging parent. Does he have a bike? Once he’s old/safe enough to meet friends in a bike, you may not see him for dust, my friends and I spent hours on our bikes from around age 11.
I can have this tendency myself to over-direct as a parent and have to guard against it. Just because they don’t persist at something doesn’t mean they won’t persist at anything, save your efforts for non-negotiables like completing homework, school attendance and personal hygiene etc.
He’s not overweight, don’t risk turning activity into a tug-of-war between you because of course you are right, it is good to be active, however I doubt he is currently prejudicing his health.

Northernparent68 · 04/04/2018 11:14

He might be pretending to be tired to stop the relentless emphasis on exercise, which he hears as nagging. It’s also interesting you do n’t mention his mother or father once.

geekone · 04/04/2018 11:28

My DS is 8 and loves football. The only way to get football fit is to do more football. He does 9 hours of football a week (not including football in the garden and at school) When I run he cycles beside me and he prefers this to running. He still complains a bit beforehand but loves it while he does it. He however is also the kind of child you would catch just randomly doing sit-ups and press ups if he is bored and it's raining.

Kingsclerelass · 04/04/2018 11:54

I'd stop hounding him to be honest. Just because you like sport does not mean he has to. And I can't see an overworked GP being very interested.

He's ten, he already does plenty as far as I can see.

Or you could try varying it. Take him & a friend to Tree Runners or to a dry ski slope or roller skating. But stop taking it so seriously or you'll completely turn him off sport.

StormTreader · 04/04/2018 12:17

When hes exhausted after 15 minutes, whats his breathing like? Is he wheezing and gasping? How long does it take him to recover? Do his muscles feel heavy, or is it more that his joints are hurting?

Im wondering whether he may have asthma or other breathing issues that only show up under exertion. I'm also wondering whether he may have some joint issues going on - issues with sport, hurting for weeks after running but better at swimming could indicate a joint issue. Then again, growing pains put a lot of strain on joints as well.

Everyotherweekend · 04/04/2018 22:25

No wheezing or shortness of breath but sometimes asks for his inhaler. (Which he has post viral asthma) He has some pain in his heel, but DH thinks it's imaginary and a bit of an excuse. I'm not nagging, but thanks for everyone who has pointed that out. I'll try a little and often approach. @Northernparent68 - DH identifies that there is an issue with his fitness and general activity levels and is encouraging his to be more active. (He is very active and still plays) his DM wants us to handle the sporting side of his upbringing as she has no issues in it. Her words - I'll handle the spiritual and moral aspect and you keep him interested in sport!
We've tried, the cycling/scooting thing - still no interest.

OP posts:
Petitepamplemousse · 04/04/2018 23:08

I think that’s actually enough exercise for a kid. And I say this as a bit of a fitness freak myself.

coconuttella · 04/04/2018 23:49

If he’s playing sport twice a week, and training once, on top of games and PE that’s plenty to keep fit....

And a full 90 mins of football is extremely tiring even if you are fit... professional footballers get substituted for being tired ffs! Being active and sporty is great but you sound a bit obsessed to be honest, and you risk turning him off sport and exercise completely!

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