About MILs visits

[Lostinspace84]

A slight background. My MIL disappeared from our lives 5 years ago due to a disagreement with my DH when she got with a man 3 years younger than DH. She had no contact with us or our 5 children for 5 years! I carried on sending her birthday and Christmas cards/presents and photos of the children but never heard anything for 5 years.

Fast forward to January 2018. She's split with the boyfriend and is now lonely again. She usually comes round every single Saturday or Sunday for about 8 or more hours. It does not matter how much we hint about the children being tired or needing to get dinner sorted, she just doesn't go.

We both work full time, so Saturday and Sunday is our only proper family time and she's taking up a whole day of that.
We are very close to my Mum, but when she pops round she stays for an hour for a cuppa or if she's invited to lunch etc!

My husband is too much of a pussy cat to say anything about it and so am I . But she's round again now (has been since 10am this morning) and I am literally ready to kill Myself. The kids are wild and over excited and I just want to get the place tidied and everyone settled down.

AIBU to think her visits every precious weekend for so long are too much? Especially considering she disappeared for 5 years

Tell her you’d are going out next week so won’t be home

Whether she disappeared or not - that amount of time would be far too much every weekend. Every weekend would be too much for me as well.

Go out next weekend. Go early.

Get her coat, tell her it's been lovely and she might be invited back in May but that it's time for her to go now.

Tbh, I'd just not answer the door to her. She sounds awful.

We have MIL round one day every weekend 11am til 7pm ish - stays for dinner and tea.

Difference is she is wanted. She is old and infirm and if she was not at ours for the day, we'd be at hers anyhow checking on her.

If you don't want her there just tell her. Sounds like you would not see it as any loss if she wasn't there, so just say so.

Just tell her that her weekend visits are too long and you need some family time relaxing on your own. Tell her she is welcome to come over at x time on x day for x long. End of story.

She is a user and you are allowing her.

I'd greet her with a cup of tea, chat for 20 minutes, then take the kids out and arrive home with takeaway / something ready to eat (or have stuff in the fridge that can just be popped onto the table) at whatever time you have dinner, eat together, then tell her you must say goodnight, go upstairs and get yourselves and the kids bathed and into bed. Say that DH will drive her home / see her out.

Your DH will soon work out how to reduce the visiting hours.

Tell her it is time for her to go. You have plans (that were made and cannot be changed to accommodate her in them) and she has to go home now.
Repeat as often as necessary.

Also, prepare her for next weekend and say "MiL, we have plans for next weekend so we wont be in. Please don't try to visit as we will not be able to have you next weekend". Repeat this as often as necessary.

If she is lonely without her boyfriend, perhaps finding out what activities are available to her in the locality and suggest that she takes up a new hobby or sport or whatever.

This is madness, the woman is clearly using you, her next boyfriend will come along and your children will be left high and dry again. Tell her or text her if you like, don't worry about offending her

"Mary you are welcome to call for a cuppa for an hour on a Saturday or Sunday but the length of your visits are too much and not both days. I have a family to visit and we like time alone too. Please remember we have gone from not seeing you in five years to complete overkill and it's just too much"

Fuck her if she gets offended, does it matter?