Feeling ragey at DH mansplaining

[TheDogHasEatenIt]

Just phoned DH to see if he had any ideas to help solve a problem i was having. Explained the problem to him, then listened in mounting rage as he then said 'well you can't do that'...and mansplained the exact problem back at me.
Cue stunned silence from me, followed by 'yes...that's what i just said to you'.
Argh, why do they do it?

In fairness my mum does this - repeat the problem back to me. It's not for clarification, I don't know what it's for. Then I tell her that's she's repeated me and she looks as if she wants a prize. It's really confusing.

Mansplaining is such fun! I go with a simple 'thanks for explaining that to me' with a telling change of tone to my voice, or the rather more combative 'do you think I'm stupid?!'.

Argghh... maybe for another post but I have just had to deal with several instances of this on a recent weekend! I would give a translation for part of a text we were working on, then the professor would say no, it is like this, give an alternative, convoluted translation then as he kept talking it through, say oh, wait it is this and without realizing it, say EXACTLY what I'd just said. Ugh.

As for at home, @kimanda I also definitely do enough woman-splaining, or at least did when DS was small...

Everyone can see where I am coming from by looking at my User Name. And I know it is irritating to be told things you already know.
But many people will know that repeating the words of another back to him or her is a fundamental part of counselling/interviewing/communicating. This technique is widely taught.
Is there a mismatch of expectations in the experiences of some posters?
Or is this ManSplaining?

My DP gets a "Really? I would NEVER have realised that without you explaining it to me, thank you SO much" and I switch off from him. He doesn't mansplain things too often but when he does even his DM pulls him up for being condescending.

I always respond with a very sarcastic "thank you for mansplaining that" and one of those hard stares with a raised eyebrow.

@OnlyaMan Yes, repeating back is a form of communicating that can make it clear you've understood what's been said, and can be very helpful, but that's not what's happening.

For instance, at the weekend I mentioned above, when the professor was done repeating my words back, he would say something to the effect of, now do you understand? Ugh.

onlyaman

DH mansplained to me, a nursing nurse and a midwife, how to breastfeed.

That is what we are talking about.

I actually don't know how any of you can bear your partners. I have zero tolerance for boorishness. Honestly, done people do hold very low standards.

Or is this ManSplaining? Yes, Only. Yes it is.

There's a very big difference in repeating an issue to confirm to the other person that you've understood, and a man explaining an issue he knows sod all about, to a woman who is an expert in the subject.

I work with a man who regularly gives female colleagues the benefit of his wisdom on pmt, periods, childbirth etc. He is shut down every time and yet he still persists.

All things DIY.
I take a deep breath and brace for trouble.
I tell DH exactly how to do it after he has asked.
(because I'm knowledgeable about it, he really really is not),
he says, "I know, yes" then slightly alters what I said and mansplains it back at me getting various bits wrong,
I explain it all again in very clear simple terms.
He says OK, then goes off to do it.
I say have you remembered x,y and z.
He grunts, "I'm not fucking stupid".
Several hours passes (even with the most basic of tasks)
He calls me and it's my turn to admire his masterpiece.
He's ignored everything I told him and made it up as he went along.
It's fucked up, looks a mess, bits broken/lost/scratched.
and/or he's ruined something else in the room or broken my tools.
I have to redo it myself after a fresh trip to the DIY shop.

Does my head in. It's worse because I can no longer do DIY for long periods like I used to because of medical problems. I wish I could still do it all myself like I used to. To fix his fuck ups causes me injury sometimes.

He has subjected me to two days of this so far this Easter and I am on the verge of a fucking breakdown.

Well I never have heard of the phrase mansplaining before, but it all seems quite naff to me. we never had this problem many years ago,, as women ruled ok big time.

Next time he does that, respond with sarcasm. Laugh and say, “Wow! Did you hear that echo? Now, If you have solid advice instead of repeating me, I’ll listen, otherwise I’ll just ask someone else!”

My DP wandered past and overheard a conversation about mansplaining that I was having with a female friend who had never heard of the term. He actually stopped what he was doing and mansplained mansplaining to us both. I just sat looking at him open mouthed!
To be fair, he was a little drunk at the time and was very sheepish when I pointed out what he had just done.

my dad seems to switch between mansplaining and utterly disbelieving what I say. For example tonight I was at my parents and mentioned a leak in my bath- after every bath now a pool of water seeps out from underneath. I've asked him about it before as he does have some experience and I'm disabled now so it is very difficult for me to clean up and to check for stuff. He must have used the phrase 'capillary action' at least 7 times while explaining it simply isn't possible there is a leak, it literally cannot happen, no no I'm not saying you are imagining this but it can't happen. He seems to think if I don't repeat back the exact wording back to him I'm not understanding him! He also delightfully took the time when I was a teen to explain that girls don't need both tampons and towels, only need one.

Why get all hysterical because a man explained something to you?

Because it's empowering, I believe.

Why get all hysterical because a man explained something to you?

The irony. :o

Oh these posts really ring a bell with me and give me the rage. My response these days is to roll my eyes and say “ yes , I’d already worked that out for myself “. He then says “ there’s no need to be nasty “..... always has to have the last word you see. I tell him I knew he was my Mr. Right when I met him ... just hadn’t realised he was Mr. Always Right.
Something else that irritates ... sorry if I’m derailing “ mansplaining “..... is him denying I’ve told him something.eg mentioned yesterday that our friends would be in Germany now . Cue him saying “ you didn’t tell me they were going to Germany “ ( I told him at least three times ). When I replied that I had told him I got “ no you didn’t. You might have told me “ in your head “ , but you didn’t actually tell me .” WTF ?? This drives me as nuts as mansplaining does.

To those pp (and i'd love to guess which sex you are) who are querying why a man explaining something is so annoying, read the original post. I'd already demonstrated my understanding of the problem, by explaining it to him, i was looking for ideas to work around the issue, not to be patronisingly told that i had a problem, using almost exactly the same words that i had only just used! It verges on gaslighting at times, when you start to question your own sanity, and ask yourself...didn't i just say that?

"i'd love to guess which sex you are"

Yes. You are clearly sexist and see the sex of a poster or an explainer as important.

Well, i suppose the clue is in the term 'mansplaining'.

Clue to what? Your sexism?

OP means like:

OP - this lamp is broken. The wire has come out. I'll need to go to B&Q for a replacement.

DH . Ah. I can see what the problem is. Look. The lamp's broken (patronising tone & glance). The wire has come out . It needs fixing before it'll work. You'll have to go to a DIY shop to get some things to mend it.

OP - Yes. I just bloody well said that.

DH - we'll, you asked for my help!

OP -No. No I didn't.